For someone who writes about relationships, it is pretty risky to make the statement that age matters; however, I believe in speaking the truth. I also believe in voicing the concerns of the those that visit this site. From this vantage point and with respect to love and heartbreak, age definitely matters.
Here is the reason why: we each have a grand plan for our life based on age. It goes something like this:
• In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
• In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
• By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
• In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
• In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
• In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
• In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.
Sound familiar? Give or take a few years and interchange a couple of details and these types of age confined dreams are quite universal. So what happens when things don’t go as expected? What happens when instead of two kids in our thirties, we end up with our heart in two pieces? We feel broken; not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception.
It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater agony, is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.
Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste for more age. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.
Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.
Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.
Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.
Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.
Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.
Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.
My name is Amelie Chance. A little over 12 years ago, I went through a divorce which left me living in fear. I was afraid that my heart would never heal. I was afraid that each day would be more meaningless than the next. I was afraid that I would never love again. After several months, I hit rock bottom. It was then I saw a very simple choice I had to make--a choice between fear and hope.
in retrospect have found that if you really analyzed all your heartbreaks at nearly every ocasion one did ignore the warning signs and decide to stay in the fire….AND thats when you get burned. So that initial fear of you breaking it up first will in the end result in less pain. Okay lets see if next time I’m brave enough to initiate the break-up…I just don’t know. Also this is the classic proverbial ‘what goes around comes around’ The so called bad person (the heartbreaker) eventually finds their match and the same is also done to them.
I didn’t think I’d write this, but everyone says it is therapeutic so I thought I’d write one too. Most of the people on this writing are girls but I’m a man but I act different then most others. I stayed a virgin until I was 19 because I wanted to wait for the one, and I thought I finally founder her. It was love at first sight, and when she agreed to go on a date with me I was extatic. We never had time for the date since she always had to babysit in her free time, but we talked on the phone everyday and sent each other a daily picture so we wouldn’t get lonely. One day I confessed my love for her and she said she didn’t love me yet, but she’d like to be my girlfriend. It finally came time for our date last week, and it was perfect. I decided to give her my virginity because she told me she loved me back. 5 days later she broke up with my via text message, blocked my number, unfriended me on facebook, and deleted all of our wall posts and pictures together. I’m devastated, she just took my virginity and left me l, but she acted like she wanted to spend her life with me. That really did help a little, thanks for reading. Sincerely, the unfortunately not virgin, Alex
I am a 31 yrs old man. I have been with this girl for 9 yrs.
She cheated on me 2 yrs ago but I didn’t havd sufficient evidence. I trusted her with mylife. She knows me in and out. I saw messages on facebook telling this younger dude hpw much she loves him but she denied any emotional involvement saying that she was just chatting. I used tp be around her every nite. She was busy with her studies n I would let her go out to study with friends. She got pregnant and I was so happy and expectinga boy. One nite she felt asleep with her phone on her face. I woke up and check her phone. She was telling this guy that this is his child and she wants to be with him.(on whatsapp) this shit happened 2 weeks ago. I’m still trying to cope with it. I am heart broken…I found out that they were duscussing a plan on how to tell me. I confronted her and she confessed. She Iis a lair a cheater. We have 4 yr old daughter together.
I believe things happen for a reason, for I truly loved my ex girlfriend Jolene, she gave me hope, love, and understanding and she was the warmth in my sun, and the light in my moons, how a woman of this loving nature could give up this soon or throw in the towel, their must be a higher chain of command to throw this love in a spin, only God, knows and has a better plan for me! I’m hurting, and am sad it’s over, always thought we’d be together forever!! I’m in Gods hands now!
Going Goff
I am a man ,37yrs, I am married to such a wonderful woman , by look of things, our marriage is no longer the same. I am so in love with her, and she knows that, the only complain from her side is that she is not happy, because she is doing everything in the house, like a man. She wants me to get a job soon. I am doing my best to get the job, but the unfortunate put is I canno employee myself, other things that she complaint about I fixed them. First I was afraid to loose her, because I love her so much, we invested a lot in our relationship , but by the looks of things I must be ready to start a life I was not prepared to. I have done everything on the book but nothing helps,this complain of me not growing or not getting a job keeps on cropping. I think I must prepare myself for heart broken.
I just feel that I’m only trying to make myself happy even though I am not
Unlike most people here, I didn’t lose my mate physically.
I’ve been with him for 40 years. I spent the first 20 of them madly in love. I felt so blessed, that he was all I ever wanted or desired. He never was one for deep emotional intimacy; but I was willing to be the one who gave the most warmth and expressions of affection. I never minded the drudgery of life and raising our two daughters. The light of his face in my life made each day feel like a blessing I did not deserve.
Now I understand his emotional distance. Found out that the affairs started the week we were married. One affair after another…often more than one at a time.
He wanted to stay with me. I just couldn’t hold life together on my own. I got really sick after all the stress, and it’s chronic. I am disabled now.
I feel so trashed inside for many years now, that I am just so numb, I don’t even care about anything anymore. I go through the days like a walk on the moon. i;m alone, and there is nothing. There is nothing but repetition and emptiness. I still draw close to him sometimes at night and smell his hair and neck…and it seems like a soft breeze of Spring fills me.
But I’m just too damn tired and invisible, to be able to reach out and grab hold of that anymore. I guess I’ll spend the test of my days remembering what was supposed to be, but never was, or ever will be.
Can you die of a broken heart? I guess some do. Or like a battery, you can just keep getting weaker, until there’s nothing left and you get thrown away.
Christina who posted January 23rd, your story is almost exactly like mine and it is so helpful to read about other people who are going through the same torture that I am.
I’m in the midst of a divorce and ended up recently falling deeply in love with a man I’ve been working with for several years. Our hopes and dreams are exactly the same and he’s the only man I’ve met who actively shares some of my more obscure interests. He was engaged and there ended up being a huge blowup/breakup because his fiancee found out about him and me, so we only saw each other privately, almost never in public, save for a few events. That should have been my first sign, but he was so madly in love with me and professed all sorts of promises for the future. He felt like my soulmate and just leaving his presence felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind – I felt one with him.
Anyway, after about two months of careful dating, he took a month off to “think about things” but told me to have faith, that we will be together. I have lots of cards and months-worth of texts saying how much he loves me and how badly he wants to be with me and how he can’t wait to start our future together. At the end of the month, I got an email saying that he’s breaking things off with me and is going to try and reconcile things with his ex-fiancee. WHAT?? I am beyond devastated and had to start taking antidepressants and anxiety pills, I couldn’t even go home for a week. I can’t eat, sleep, work – all I think about is him. I keep checking my phone to see if he texts and I can’t even go to places we’ve been to together. We have three races this year that we were planning to do together, and I’ve already spent over $1000 on entry fees and now I have no partner and no motivation.
As I said, I work with him, so I occasionally see him darting from one spot to another, doing his best to avoid my presence. I feel like a complete fool. I feel used up and dumped. And today it’s Valentine’s Day and he took the day off to work on his relationship with his ex-fiancee and all I can imagine are his eyes and voice as he tells her the same things he told me just a month ago.
Before i read all of these comments i was so sure that i was going to write about my heartbreak, but i thought id write this instead. I really do believe things happen for a reason. These heart breaks are to teach us lessons in life to make us stronger and wiser. I know these lessons may come up a few times in your lives but they are all there for us to grown. How are we supposed to know what we want unless we know what we don’t want??Its horrible the feeling of heartbreak, the emotions that come with them but embrace it, Learn from it and use that to further yourselves for bigger and better things. I know that it may seem like life has stopped or you have reached a crossroad that you’re not sure what path to go down, but give it time. Give it time to heal your wounds and strengthen your soul. Sometimes we need to learn how to be by ourselves and love ourselves to love someone else. Use this alone time to do the things you have always wanted to do. Use this time to spend this time with your children. Everyone deserved to be loved, don’t give up hope that your dreams won’t come. They will your just still learning.
My wife of 15 years, at the age of 40, started an affair with a much younger man at her work. I was, and am, devastated. After 3 months of getting used to the idea, I know there has to be a greater plan at work. Sometimes our worst struggles reward us with our greatest rewards. I have to believe, as hard as it is, as heart broken as I am, there’s a better life ahead. Even if I never love again, I hope for a life of kindness and decency, dignity and respect. Maybe it’s enough to know that God has a plan, and I just have to trust it. Even though she broke it off and wants me back, the anguish and hurt I know I’ll face again is too much to deal with. It’s not enough to hear people, including her, pass it off as human weakness or make excuses. When you’re committed, you’re committed without exception. Turning down temptation is a must in a loving respectful relationship. I’ve read so many of your comments and my heart breaks for you. As a man, I know we’re not supposed to open our emotions to others, but I can’t help feeling I deserve a partner who won’t hurt me so deeply. And I hope the women posting here can take some comfort in knowing that men exist who don’t want to hurt and want to be an equal. Hurt and heartbreak isn’t tied to gender.
Hi, as usual, I don’t know how to start, I guess saying that I feel so hurt I can’t think of anything, I met this guy a year ago, I’m 38 he is 34. We just started as casual dating, casual sex and anything else. Have to admit he’s never ask me for anything, told me anything about us moving together or being a couple, so basically I felt in love alone. The problem is that when we start to hang out I was going through a very, very difficult time in my life, so I saw him as a way to relieve the immense pain in my heart and all that sadness accumulate from a lot of problems. We would meet at the local bar we met, where everyone knows each other, and go to his place, or he would call me anytime and I always said yes to his request of seeing me. I would text him, he wouldn’t text me back, call him and sometimes he wouldn’t call me back, I tried many times to stop seeing him ’cause I knew it wasn’t good for me and that at the en I was gonna get hurt alone, just as it happened. We basically said good bye last nite, he approached me and told me something that really hurt me, “stop leaving stuff in my place as an excuse to come back”, I must say that after a year having sex sometimes I forget stuff in his place. I have always been very careful in not leaving anything in a man’s apartment since I am very aware that they hate when women do that, so yes, I sometimes forget things but after a year “together” it should not bethe big thing, Anyways, I feel empty, totally unappreciated, sad to dead, i want to see the colors of life again but is not going to be possible for a while, at some point I thought we had a strong spiritual connection, I was so wrong, I’ve been so wrong, I did nothing wrong in our relationship, I was always there, caring and loving, I’m pretty sure he will show up with a new girlfriend soon. He never loved me, he never did, he never showed any interest in us, I knew it. He was a bad decision in a bad moment of my life.
I met a guy online about three years ago. We got on well and spent all of our spare time engaging in long dialogues and sharing our inner most thoughts etc. When I finally met him, he was hot and completely into me – perfect.
We started dating. He was upfront about his time as he was busy setting up a business and I tried to be as understanding as I could – I did start getting a bit weary when I noticed that he was never available but if I asked him out with my friends, suddenly he was.
I should have also been weary when he continued for the first year to txt two other girls he had been chatting to online and met before me.
I should have been weary when he tried to tell me that when he sat at my house on Christmas day txting a ‘friend’ that he has the hots for messages like ‘I’m thinking about you x’.
I should have been weary when he would tell me that he shared his version of our arguements with his entire workplace; his friends and his family – to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable meeting them.
I should have been weary when he was somehow able to take the day off work to help some woman move house – at a stage when he struggled to find time for us.
I should have been weary when he dumped me with every argument and not talk with me after.
I should have been weary when he could string a list of insults and ‘things that are wrong with me’ and yet struggled to say anything nice.
I should have been weary when every woman was ‘really smart and attractive’ and I was ‘horrible and awful’.
Somehow though, because he wasn’t hitting me, I didn’t see it as abuse. There were times when he was loving and attentive and everything I wanted. I didn’t notice how much that was fading.
I give up counting the number of times we have broken up and gotten back together. While it has only been a week this time, something tells me this is finally it. It’s got to be it.
It may sound strange but my heart still feels broken, somehow three years later I have lost not just him but myself as well
For the first few days I couldn’t get out of bed. I ended up in the ER following an accidental overdose of K2. That was the warning sign for me. I try to keep myself busy, I’m not sleeping to well and every now and then, despite knowing how good not being with him will be, I let him in close, told him my inner most thoughts and fears, dedicated the last three years to him and now I’m alone.
I realise it’s not him I miss but the sense of being close to someone. I miss a future happiness that was all in my head
Hello I met the love of my life almost a year ago today. He was going through a very difficult divorce. Eventually all settled he was able to gain custody of his 3 beautiful children. When we met it was like a dream come true only one issue I was in mo he was in al after much prayer I made the move across states. loving him and these 3 beautiful babies I could not have asked for more we were so much in love talking of marriage and raising our family yesterday he came in tears and said he could not continue on opening up about how he wasnt ready for this that we should be friends so this leaves me heartbroken and lost do I stay for the kids I love so much? Do I move back home to mo and end up alone once again? So I’m just hanging in there in al
At least most of you have had the joy of being in love. In 53 years I’ve never had a single man look me in the eyes and tell me that he loved me and mean it, including my ex husband. I only married him because I knew that if I didn’t, I would never have another chance. We divorced after 21 years, his idea. For the past four years I’ve had a friends with benefits relationship because there was nothing else. I thought that at least I could have those few hours a month to pretend that I was not alone. Then of course he met someone and I’ve lost my friend forever. Every single one of my friends is now in a relationship except for me and with each passing day it’s obvious that I will never be in a relationship. There aren’t soul mates for everyone and I’m one of those unlucky few that will never have the opportunity to know what being in love really feels like. I started crying two weeks ago and can’t stop. My kids are 16 and 23 I’m hoping I can give them 10 more years then I have to part ways with this world. But 10 years is an awfully long time.
To the people on this page, who have been through so much, I know that when relationships go wrong that it can feel like your hearts been torn out and you make all the promises in the world to your self that you will never love again, because the agony, despair and anguish of going through such an ordeal all over again just seems to much, you should all be really proud of yourselves, you have done nothing wrong, but sought the same thing that every one seeks and this is to your credit, theres an old saying “love like you’ve never been hurt” and believe me when I say, I know how difficult this is, the pain of a betrayal/disappointment not only comes from the fact that the person in question has caused you hurt but if your like me, you take on the ownership of that pain committed against yourself, because you allowed yourself to feel those things and want those things , and this seems like an even greater betrayal, but life isn’t that simple, you should not close yourself off to the world, or stop trying to fall in love, but don’t try too hard to find it either. I know that when you go through certain things in life it is soul destroying, trust me I’ve been there, but you know what, I know Im a good person that deserves to be loved and cared for, not mistreated and used, its just a matter of knowing how valuable you are as a person to not allow yourself to be with the wrong person, its not worth the heartache, and like me, I have no doubt that each and every person on this page has the same rights to be loved and cared for.
I have been dating this guy for 8 months. We were both married and were friends before we began our intimate relationship. As our relationship progressed, my marriage was increasingly getting worse and my husband and I seperated (and are now months away from finalizing our divorce). All along, my “boyfriend” for lack of a better word and I began to make plans for our future. He promise me that he loved me and the only reason why he hasn’t left his wife yet was because of his 3 year old daughter. I also, have a son who is almost 3, so I could understand his trepedition. I never pushed him to make any sort of decision, although I should have. I let this go on and on until on day my soon-to-be ex told my “boyfriends” wife that we were still seeing each other. (Both spouses had previously found out about our relationship, twice actually) Immediately after she had found out (for the 3rd time) that we were still involved, he dropped me like a bad habit. I haven’t heard a word from him in 2 weeks. Not an I’m sorry things have to end like this, no I’m sorry I was a selfish human being leading you on and lying to you for 8 months, professing my love for you every day….Nothing. Not one stinkin word. How can someone who claims that they love you and had begun to make future plans with you, just abandon you and act like you were nothing to them? That is what hurts the most. I feel like I have been living one huge lie. I always knew that our relationship was based on lies but I truly believed what he was telling me. I feel like such an idiot. I cry myself to sleep every night. He is the first thing I think about in the morning. I think about him all day. To go from talking to someone at least 3-4 times a day on the phone and texting all night, to nothing…. its like I lost a piece of my life. I feel so empty. Its so hard to not pick up the phone and call him. But I keep telling myself everyday that if he really cared about me, he would get intouch with me. But clearly he has chosen his life, and it doesn’t include me like I thought it was going to. Im not sure how I will get over this. I guess just time. But it sucks!
I met my Billy 6 months ago. friday we got into this argurment about his friend that are woman friend. he walk away i feeled like the stupid person now Im hurt and i cant stop crying i read these letter about how their love of their life cheat on them. we went on a day with my roommate. he was touching her hair. i left. this was 4 mos ago. AM i crazy.that was our first date, he not a gooding looking person..do i need help like STOP BEING JEALOUS,..we love each other.. and we both over 50 yrs old… maybe i need to grow up…
Wow where do I begin!Thank you to all those who have shared their stories!!
This is my very first heartbreak that I have ever had – a bit of a crazy one too. I met my bestfriend 3 years ago when we were at university and both needed a flat to stay at. We got on like a house on fire right from the beginning and over the years built up an awesome emotional friendship that at one stage (drunkingly) turned into a night of relationship during the first year. We put this down to being ‘drunken fun’ but for me it started a new feeling for them that I hadn’t ever felt before or could explain girls don’t have feelings like this for other girls – I was so confused. We continued to remain the best of friends and were relying on each other heavily for emotional support, they were my best friend just as I was their best friend. Throughout our friendship I pushed these feelings aside and kept them in check, I certainly didn’t want to lose them for such a silly little crush. Until this year where as confused as I was, my feelings grew and grew until recently I couldn’t contain them anymore, I was fully in love with them – but my friend had began flirting and hanging out with someone else (another girl). Neither of us are what you would call ‘lesibians’, I dont like girls – it just seemed that I liked my best friend…alot. But with this new person on the scene I didn’t know what she wanted or who she wanted. Did she like girls? When she began flirting with her new friend my stomach just dropped and my confusion and jealousy began to take over. The awesome times that we had once had were turning into times of fights, especially when their new friend was around. I didn’t want to lose them but I felt I had this overwhelming feeling that they liked girls so maybe they liked me back? I wanted to finally just clear the air as my love, jealousy, anxiety and pain was breaking our friendship, they were beginning to become more and more distant. I ummed and ahhed for quite sometime till one night drunkingly (silly silly move) I told them how I was feeling. They were shocked, overwhelmed, cried but listened to me. They also told me didn’t feel the same way as I did about me, but gave me the impression they were confused too, just about someone else. My heart broke right then and there. But the worst part is that the very same night after we talked we began kissing and we spent the night together, so my confusion was at an all time high – what the hell was going on??they just said that they didn’t have feelings for me but yet they would stay with me??I don’t know what to do??We are still talking now which is great but so so painful for me, but the worst part is I think it would devastate me to lose my best friend, for the past 3 years they have been an important factor in every aspect of my life, I cherish them. But my pain is just so great at the moment that I can barely function. I want to be able to get rid of these feelings so that I can concentrate on getting our friendship back on track. I just feel like an idiot like how could I have read all of those signs wrong? But also what is so wrong with me that they don’t love me back? I just want them to share their feelings in the same way that I have so I have closure!I also want them to be happy so even if there is something going on with their other friend I just want them to be honest. I would appreciate any help anyone can give me…Thank you for reading this
I met the love of my life two years ago. I was 27 and he was 32. We have been so happy together for two years. We both love each other so much. We were always talking about getting married and having kids someday.
Over the past few months my bf starting hating his job more and more. He would come home stressed out all the time. A month ago out if no where he got offered a job opportunity of a lifetime, but he will have to move across the country. The job will also require him to travel 50% of the time. After a couple weeks of agonizing over the decision of whether to take the job, he decided to take it. I am extremely close to my family and friends here and live my job. I was devastated that he accepted the position but understand at the same time. After weeks of being undecided I decided that I will take the chance and move across the country with him. I was feeling so scared.
My bf really wanted me to come with him but after more weeks of thinking he took the decision away from me and said he won’t let me move with him. He feels it will be selfish of him to let me come. I will be leaving my life behind and spending 50% of the time on my own with no family around. I am so so sad because our relationship is over but we both love each other so much. I’m just trying to be strong and push myself forward but it is so hard.
Good advice.. but why stop at 60? Or at least write 60++ I’m sure people in their 70s, 80s and beyond still look for love. Just a suggestion
Hello people here, I didnt think I would write something but maybe it is therapeutic to write it out… I have real almost all of them, and sadly mine might be the longest drawn out one to tell you, but here’s the shortest version… I met a fun loving, interesting, funny attractive guy in my last year of high school, late 80′s. We dated for a couple years, then had off and on again 6 month times or a year, or two combined, etc, because of his non-committal views about us, and his alcoholism/drug problems. He did love me at some point, he said and I believed it was true, but he was always afraid of fully being honest or intimate except for some rare moments. He is what people have labeled the “Peter Pan Syndrome”; always playful, funny, spontaneous but not responsible, mature or committed,etc.
So, after many years of dating and thinking he is somewhat “committed to the relationship” the love of my life off and on until around mid-1990′s, we break up once again and I am on a roller coaster: it is my fault for going back and forth and letting him in, but I truly love him and I keep thinking there’s “hope” that he’ll finally realize I’m “the one” because he has said things like that before, but always “fell out of love” off nad on, its just a mess… so we break up once again… AND I finally date someone else, a guy about 4 years younger (at this time I’m about 27 yrs old) so I’ve “burned up” over decade since we met in my late teens…So, I’m having fights with the “someone else guy” and it’s going downhill fast, after about 1.5 yrs, and the original love of my life decides to re-contact me out of NOWHERE, and kind of tells me his whole family wished we had worked out “yes, but does HE wish that? Is what Im thinking” and then he tells me he’s probably made a big mistake losing me… so, AGAIN we hang out and take it very slow for about 9 months, then one day he says, “I think you’re my soulmate and I do love you” and I told him I’ve felt the same all along. It felt like we were engaged but not with the label, we both just KNEW we’d be together and were meant for each other..!!… THEN about a week later he FLIPS OUT and says “Im not sure what I meant, or if it’s true, or if I really feel this way”, and I’m completely broken, devistated, saddened, heartbroken and any other sic-to-my-stomach type of thing I felt, it was like I was in shock and only saw in black-and-white for about a week, numb, and dead inside…. So, he keeps saying (later) let’s only be friends, which I couldnt do because I wanted to be more than friends and couldn’t pretend…
So, now that I’ve wasted another 4 years or so (three with the “other younger guy” and another with the love of my life) …FAST FWD to 2010… We start to chat online, don’t ask me why but we kept each other’s emails I guess. I regret it, because most of 2011 we hung out as friends, and I thought I was over him since about 2007, but NO!, my heart starts to get attached again and I’m so ANNOYED at myself because I started to love him AGAIN< and so I told him, in Oct 2011, I can't be "only friends" because I'm not getting over you and it's re-opening a wound and for some reason you don't ever want to be together but somehow we keep ending up trying to be friends but it's impossible for me! He was disappointed and bummed to "lose a friend" and since Oct 2011 I have STILL FELT heart broken and that he is the only one for me, I am possible CRAZY, or just in idiot, or just stubborn and won't let go, but I pray to God to help me and to heal my heart, etc… We hvae chatted or texted a bit, but it's not a healthy thing and I'm trying to resist it, and 90% have resisted responding, or writing.
One thing to know: We are different faiths, sort of, I am a Christian and he is "kind of" a generic or agnostic, but with some background of a Christian, but he doesn't know for sure or is non committed to that either, so this has been a big stumbling block/issue/problematic for us, and perhaps God is protecting me from a bad thing, but I'm hoping to meet another and yet I have never really met anyone else that even REMOTELY interests me, so something must be wrong with me. SO, now I'm 40 and have wasted half my life – I hope none of you do the same as me. Just move on and don't look back, or you'll "burn up" half your life too, holding your breath and waiting, hoping, etc.
…. ;(….
THIS IS the short version, can you believe it!? aahh!!
I am 58 and recently discovered that soul mate of 42yrs, my husband of 37 and my close girlfriend of 35yrs. have been having an affair for close to a yr. I just found out 3mo. ago and am devastated beyond belief! After kicking him out, he cried his way back home and claims to want to make things right but that it’s not easy walking away. He needs time to end it in his own way and please be patient. It’s been almost 3 mo. and as of 2wks ago, he’s still in contact with her. Did he forget that she was MY girlfriend, and I’ve been hit with a double blow? This man is the love of my life but I’ve become ill- on every level- and don’t know how much longer I can wait. On the other hand, he IS my life…
Hi and thank for some of the comments My story is that I am 56 and only 3 years left to retirement my girl of 14 years a few years back joined a large church not a regular church like catholic or anything she is 54 started going to a all women bible group were one of these women had a 51 year old son living with her,they started a relationship and after about 6 month she left me for him I had no Idea this was going on didn’t see the signs just beleaved that every thing was fine but started looking for faults in me we fought and she cheated left after she felt secure in him .I helped raise her 2 sons who father never had anything to do with them they were 2 and 8 when met her and called me dad know the new boyfriend want’s to keep them away from me and she agrees.Now I am alone in a house that to big and to lonley to stay. Not only am I heart broken wasn’t planning on retiring alone I do want to keep in contact with these kids they don’t drive ,or will she let them these boys were very close to me as she was .NEED HELP Any one been thru the same thing I no the no contact rule and have being following it she has called left messages that were hurt full Now what to do it’s been 2 month ?????
For the people on this page who have been through so much or are going through so much, Ive been in a similiar situation, I was with a guy for 3 years of my life and I was head over heels in love with him,In my thoughts we where married settle down and everything else you plan for your life. when we broke up it felt like the world had ended, periodacally through-out my life afterwards I would contact him trying to find answers as to why he had behaved so badly,an exscuse to talk to him more than anything and I never got those answer anyway, Ive come to relies that sometimes it doesn’t really matter what you do, some people enjoy hurting other people or don’t care enough about anyone else but themselves to recognise the pain they inflict on other people, in some instances, perhaps they don’t relies, Im not sure. either way these people are a negative presence in your life and as much as you may feel crushed by the prospect of never seeing them again or talking to them, in my exeperience its better to cut your loses and learn from it, trust me I know its not easy, Ive been there, I tried to take my own life because of this, but there is no one on this planet that has that right over you to make you feel used, worthless and completely emotionally destroyed, I got through because I found something to focus on, my beutiful and perfect niece and nephew.
Ok ! It all started with a site called skout. I was married but in a complicated relationship ! She was separated but ! Dating a guy ! We chatted for about 2 months and finally we met ! What made me fall for her was kids ! So after a week things went to physical with her and till then I wasn’t aware she was seeing this dude! So since I was still married , living in same house , owned my own business things were not as easy for me to dump and go with her. I told her how I fell for her and so did she! But all this time this dude was still there in her house ! We would meet tue and Thursday at her place before he comes In from work. Then I asked her to do something as its not good for the other guy too ! From my side I was not sleeping with my wife anyways as things were bad . But she kept seeing him and every time she would say give me a week or so. Things went like this for 3 months . then I told her If she can’t be serious about us I would leave and go ! She put up a condition on me to move out ! As I had lot of things to take care of and my mom was living in my basement , I decided to move downstairs with her . She was fine with it as I showed and told her every of my steps . still this dude was in her life till now ! So I asked her to either drop him or me because I can’t share my women with other men . now she asked me to be there when she will tell him , I don’t know what was behind this as she told this dude few times over text to move on but he seems coming back in her life ! Without anyone’s ok I think it’s not possible anyways , but every time she would tell me that she loves me not him !so the week we were suppose to tell this dude that she loves me , she bought him a ring ! I didn’t know that until this guy found me and her in bed on morning unexpectedly ! That’s when I heard him saying wtf you bought me a ring in the weekend !!! That still was covered up as she said it was a guilt ring ! So things went ok for about a week as he was upset I guess and we saw each other everyday ! Then what caught my eye on her was when I asked her is he still text her and she said yes at lunch breaks ! once she left her phone unlock and I saw the mags there asking this guy if he still loved her ! After she told him to move on ?!! Anyways so her mom came for Christmas and she asked me when you moving in as this is hard on her seeing me only for few hours a day ! Took me 30 mins to tell her ok as your mom goes back same day I will move in ! It was about 2 weeks time from that day ! Then drama started ! Telling my I will keep this guy as a friend because of my daughter ! She is 7 and says she is attached to him ! What made me sick was 5 days ago when I said to her that I can’t have this dude around us and she accepted that then yesterday she tells me it’s a friend only and he will be there !i had clothes in her house so asked her If I could pick it up , went there guess daughter was not even home but dude was there lol made me sick , I walked in picked my bags and told her mom this wont work for me her seeing two guys at once ! called the guy told him I am sorry for the scuffle other day , wished them a happy life and gave her a hug ! Hope was a guilt hug from her to me lol then walked out of house laughing knowing who is picked over me !
Hi,
I met the man of my dreams just over 4 years now, we loved each other so instantly it literraly did sweep me off my feet, we set up our home together, and took care of his 4 children and my daughter, we were so happy together. About 1 year into the relationship he began to hit me around, I dismissed it as I loved him dearly, but soon the hits and slaps became punches and kicks then lead onto full horrific beatings, I didnt understand why. One night I had a seisure and nearly died in front of my daughter. the beating stopped for a little while after that, I thought he had seen the light and we were getting back on track. Then one night he strangled me half to death… I left for a few days and came back due to not having anywhere else to go. one day in April, he just upped and left, I broke into pieces and could not get myself together despite everything he had put us through, then 5 weeks later I found out he had got his ex pregnant 4 months before he left me, and had gone back to her. I had a report into the police for his violence… I had to go the next 6 months in and out of the police station. and then through a grilling court case too… they brought their 2 day old kid to the court case!! After all that I dont understand why I can’t get this man and his antics out of my head. I dont know how to get over him. he has left us in a house I cant pay on my own as the rent is too high, so now we are homeless, and having to move into a family members house too….and he left me also a years worth of debt. why do I still pine for the man who stamped all over me evern when I was on the floor. Any ideas how I can rid the thought of this man out of my life. The strife is getting too much to bare.
I must admit reading all the posts made me feel a lot better about my own situation. I realise that there is hope, yes maybe not right now for me, but its not all over.
I met my bf via a internet dating/phone site just over 2 years ago and we have been on and off over these months. At the beginning he was rude, insulting and so much more, so i decided that the 2 Leo’s should not take it any further. During that time i suspected that he was still active on the site, so i set a trap for him and he fell into it, he wanted to meet me, not knowing its me, and that happened more than once….today he still don’t know that it was me he was dealing with…but i left it as we weren’t dating then….As time went by we both fell in love and this year we agreed to take it to the next level, we were going to let him meet my 2 kids and my family. I’ve been divorced for 4 years and he was divorced for over 10.
This isn’t the first time that we tried dating, its about the 3rd time and every single time he ends it and i never know what it was all about. We have a wonderful relationship of mutual respect and sincerity and the age gap(me 37 and him 45) was perfect.
Within 6 weeks of serious dating he wanted to end our relationship trice, fiancés, him having cancer, etc. Every single time i fought and reasoned with him and then he will change his mind.
Thinking about it now, i should have never been in this position in the first place. The way he treated me when we were just friends, the fact that he could never be a friend to me( i could never count on him whenever i needed to), all the signs was there, but i didn’t want to listen. When something goes wrong, he will blame me, he will swear at me and chase me away like a dog, i will never know what happened and why I’m being treated like this. His apologies were so real, his reasons for why he acted like that were so sincere and i will take him back.
During all this time when i was with him i was more unhappy and anxious, i never knew what was coming next and coming from a marriage where no one raised their voices to been swore at was difficult to understand. That feelings of his anger, unloved, and the time bomb effect hurt me tremendously. No matter what i di, it will always be my fault, he couldn’t commit to anything, but its my fault. We have never been out on a date, he makes plans and just never see them through and will always have a reason why not. HE was the one who wanted us to date seriously, i told him we don’t need to, but he wanted me for himself and i wanted him all along, so it would have been a dream come true for me, little did i know that he will never change.
I allowed him to treat me with disrespect, i allowed him to use me as his doormat, and i allowed him to do with me as he please, so if i send him a gift or a sms or a phone call, he will not acknowledge it, he won’t say thank u, because its just me (but with other females he will be mr.Charming)
It happened again this weekend and it made me feel cold, alone and so so sad. He wants to see me and i jump in my car and visit him, i send him a sms and he ignore me, i dropped a gift at his place and he doesn’t even bother to say anything….. I will be spending Christmass alone because how do i spend it with him when i feel like this?….so hurt and damaged beyond repair?…how did i allow him to change me into this person that doesn’t love herself anymore?…how did i allow him to hurt me?
I am tossing myself out of his life, so i know what i am feeling is horrible, its better being with him than to feel like this, but i cannot allow this to go on, so as hard as it is, i will need to be strong, i will need to try harder and take each and every hour as a victory, because it will bring me closer and closer to healing and moving on…..but for now im in terrible pain and the term moving on and forgetting just doesnt sound right.
As surprising as it is, reading stories of other people’s heartbreak somehow is therapeutic. These stories have made me feel thankful that there are other people who feel the same and have similar obstacles to overcome; but they have also made me realize how much worse things could be. My sadness stems from a much less intense relationship, but I still feel awful and am looking to feeling like my old self again. In fact, I don’t think that my sadness is a result of my latest lost love, but a combination of other past relationships.
I spent a full year pursuing a man who I absolutely loved to be around, his presence intoxicated me, for lack of a better word. After spending a summer apart in which we talked regularly, I returned to school where we continued dating until he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. This is where things turned bad. He was always busy with work, after all he owned his own business. This business took up so much of his time that he barely was able to see me or even text me. Therefore, I did all of the work in our relationship; I initiated all of our conversations, I showed up at his place so we could hang out, and I always made excuses for his inability to do any of the work in our relationship. My friends constantly asked me how I managed staying with him since we only talked to each other every couple days or so and I always had to initiate it, sometimes he would not even respond to me. The truth is, I felt absolutely trapped. I felt that I had no right to confront him about his behavior because he had warned me about the time commitment at the beginning, but I liked him too much to break things off. He had me searching for any scrap of attention, and when it was given it was like a high off of drugs.
Finally after 8 months of this, an incident happened that just could not be ignored. He had basically ditched a lunch date that I had planned when he knew we would not be seeing each other for roughly 2 months. I broke up with him over the phone, only because he would never take the time to see me so that I could do it in person. Anyway, after this I felt sad, but nowhere near as sad as I had expected. He had pushed me to the breaking point and I was proud that I had finally had the courage to do what needed to be done. I was ready for an actual relationship in which the guy would actually care enough to see what I was doing and treat me well.
About a week after our breakup, I returned to school for a night to retrieve some things I had left there. In this time, I had planned to have a fun night with my friends to help me forget about everything he had put me through. Truth be told, during the time we were together I had taken to drinking quite heavily, something that had taken a toll on my grades and I was ready to start focusing on necessary things again. Anyway, on this night that I was at school, a guy who I had been kind of friends with but always had a crush on came out with us. I ended up kissing him, but didn’t really think that it would progress from there.
I returned home and a week later my friend who I had kissed asked me to hangout with him. I agreed, still thinking that we would only be friends, but he kept pursuing me and talking to me. After a month of hanging out together, he left for an internship in another state. I expected that at this time our communication would dwindle, but he proved me wrong. I heard from him everyday and he was always interested in what I was up to. I realized after a couple months of this that this was how a real relationship should be, he genuinely cared about me and my life and never left any question in my mind as to what his intentions were.
Well, 3 months past and finally Thanksgiving arrived when he was to return home for a visit. I was so excited but also nervous at the same time because I was scared that our connection would have changed. The week went by without a hitch, we saw each other everyday and had a great time. He returned to his internship at the end of the week, but when he left our communication halted. He did not try to contact me anymore, and the only time we talked was if I initiated a conversation. This crushed me because it was as if I were back with my ex again, and it felt to me like I could never escape this. But for 3 weeks I continued diligently, thinking that this boy who had been so wonderful to me before must have an excuse. Finally, I decided to stop trying to initiate conversation with him when he flat out ignored me.
It has been two days since he has not responded, and I am feeling more alone than ever. I entered our relationship with skepticism because I had just gone through a terrible experience, but because he continued to surprise me I gave in and developed feelings for him. As soon as I let my guard down, he dropped me flat on my face without any explanation. Now I am left feeling like there is no hope for a functional relationship in my life, so why should I even bother. I truly fell in love with him for everything that he was, and then he crushed my feelings and left me with no sense of direction. The problem is that he will return from his internship permanently at the end of this week and I have no idea what I should even do or how I should feel. I am just looking for some closure, some semblance of the happy person I was before these men wrecked my expectations and sent me spiraling.