In Love and Heartbreak, Age Matters

dreamsFor someone who writes about relationships, it is pretty risky to make the statement that age matters; however, I believe in speaking the truth. I also believe in voicing the concerns of the those that visit this site. From this vantage point and with respect to love and heartbreak, age definitely matters.

Here is the reason why: we each have a grand plan for our life based on age. It goes something like this:

•    In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
•    In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
•    By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
•    In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
•    In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
•    In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
•    In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.

Sound familiar? Give or take a few years and interchange a couple of details and these types of age confined dreams are quite universal. So what happens when things don’t go as expected? What happens when instead of two kids in our thirties, we end up with our heart in two pieces? We feel broken; not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception.

It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater agony, is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.

Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste of aging. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.

Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.

Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.

Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.

Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.

Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.

Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.

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480 Responses to “In Love and Heartbreak, Age Matters”

  1. Tina June 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    Thank you for all the great insights. You are absolutely correct that age matters in the broken heart situation. I am 41, and had been in the relationship for 6 years. I met the love of my life at work, and it felt like fireworks. I was living with a guy at that time. But this new experience was so strong, and exciting like nothing I ever felt before. We started seeing each other, and in the next couple of months I left my boyfriend, and started dating this guy. To make a long story short, I had to leave my job, and lost a house (because it all involved my old boyfriend), but things would never seemed to get clear with the new love. It was exactly how you described: my mind was saying “what are you doing? why are you still with him? something is wrong”, but my heart was saying “I’m so much in love, it will all workout!” My new love was sending me all the messages, and red flags, but I didn’t want to see them. He would became flaky, and elusive at times, and would answer my question with something like this: “you know I am a free spirit, I need to be alone, don’t push me, or put pressure on me”. As a result, 6 years later, and two fertility attempts – he married his old girlfriend. The way I found out about it – was from the church bulletin, and we were together just a few weeks before.
    I don’t know how I got through that day. I think, my defence mechanism kicked in, and I was in shock, and then in denial for a while. The intersting thing is – that he came back to me, and said that he made a mistake and still wants to continue seeing me. And I let him in…
    It’s been over 6 months since my heart was completely crushed, and I am in severe pain every day. I cry most of the time when no one sees me, and I don’t know how to go on. My mind understands that it was all wrong, but my heart is still hoping that we might be together. And the worst thing is that I can’t stop loving him…

  2. Giamsi June 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

    The strange thing about love.
    So you think he (she) is the love of your life, the most important person and no one will ever take his ( her) place……….and yet once is finish and we find someone else …….well all that love is given to the new lover and every feeling is just for him (her) and it all start again., and the previous love is quickly forgotten and does not mean anything any longer but just a memory!
    How strange is love!

  3. Casey June 4, 2012 at 11:45 pm #

    Thank you for all your stories, I do not feel so alone. Unfortunately, I am disabled and and house-bound, so I find it very difficult to move on. I met someone during the final months that I was working, and we became best friends, Spending every weekend and holiday together for over a year. Then she met the love of her life, and while I get phone calls and emails, I have not seen her since. For the past three months she is with her new lover, and every weekend has been like breaking up again. I have finally decided to end all contact. I hope the healing can finally begin. But I do not know how to move on. I no longer work, and I do not see other people. Perhaps it will take longer but eventually I imagine I will stop hurting…

  4. ginger June 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

    @ sad kitty I just want you to know that you are not going to these hard times alone. We have almost the same path. 2 years ago I met a guy whom I am madly in love with. We instantly clicked together. He didn’t told me he has a girlfriend until weeks after we dated. HE is dating this girl for decades but never married her. She is sick and told me that they don’t have that love anymore but feet obligated to be there with her. He continued to see me on and off for 2 years. It was heartbreaking , devastating and self- wrecking. I was hospitalized for trying to end my life. When i was about to go out in the hospital, my nurse called him to pick me up as I don’t have anybody but him. His gf was sooo mad at him for driving me home. I cried all night. I am morbid obese and i have trouble dealing with my self worth. Until one day I met another guy and was in love with me. We didn’t last long because I was so distant and afraid to commit again. I still love my ex and still dreaming about him. When i broke up with the new guy my ex came along. He told me cant live without me. I told him he need to make up his mind, because I cant afford to go through it again. I explained that I have a family back home who loves for me and I need to continue to live and do the purpose of my life.

    I manage to go to weight loss classes and hit the gym. I am starting to have confidence in myself and i was happy again not because of other person but because i am comfortable to where I am. I had surgical weight loss surgery. I cried when for the first time in my life I can fit to regular size clothes.I bought all the nice large size clothes in that store that will fit me. Now I am size small.

    Sometimes when I see other people treating other people bad because of their appearance, I feel they are too shallow and I hate it.

    Don’t loose heart my dear kitty, I wish I can hug you, console u and comfort you. You are a wonderful and beautiful person with a BIG heart. You promise to always remember these words.

  5. Katie May 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    day + 3 and I have resisted the urge to call,text or contacted the ex-bf. I still keep checking those things though to see if he’s contacted me again. He e mailed me on Monday, just to see ” how my weekend was”…….like he couldn’t guess it was crappy? He told me over the phone on Saturday, we had no future together. If circumstances were different,maybe we’d be toegther. I cannot change the past, no one can. Yet, he knew all of this, as he was part of that past. I’m hanging on and hanging in there!!!!

  6. Katie May 29, 2012 at 3:48 am #

    Thank you all for sharing your stories. Right now I have cut loose the love of my life because I know he’s holding me back from a healthly relationship.
    He broke the news to me this past Saturday. Then he emailed me on Monday to see how my weekend was. I know I have to stop feeding into the cycle and let him go for good.

  7. Steve May 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    My ex wife and i have been divorced now for 1.5 yrs, I figured one day we will may be try to reconcile. We have 2 beautiful daughters together. Recently she just started to see a new guy and also informed me that ” she will never ever be with me in the future” , so it felt like a 1-2 punch. My heart was shattered and still in million pieces. I am still aching but each day is slowly getting better. Ex wants me to move on and “find someone new” . Not sure where to go from here. I have to face her and her new bf sometime soon, just dreading the fact. Also worried about my kids as they are very young, and they will get attached to the ex’s new bf. Just hating all of this!

  8. Rose Marie May 23, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    17 years, I gave up everything to make my x happy. He cheated, lied, and was an alcoholic. All the women behind mine back I knew and they came over acting like friends and at the end of the divorce we tried to get back together, but they would not leave him alone and he was lost. It has been a hard two years and I have been climbing everyday. But I did learn somethings I would like to share.

    A person I went to talk to told me something that helped lift me up and it clicked and I was able to move on: It is not the broken heart you feel the pain – It is your broken soul. IT broke your soul to the point the pain is within so deep that you cannot breath. You have to repair your soul. The affirmation she gave me is not wishing anyone any harm and it is not to be used to hurt others. You must keep a clean heart. KARMA RETURN TO ______ QUICKLY IN GRACE IN PREFECT WAYS.

    I started using the affrimation on IT and ITer. It change my anger, hurt, and the way I see things. I do not wish them harm, but I do not wish to hang on to the connection. So, I used this to disconnect from them. I also, had to visiualized me cutting the cords that held IT and I together. It was painful, but I had to feel the cut etc.

    I am stronger now and they don’t bother me. I will not lie. Sometimes I get sad, but I say the affirmation and it goes away. I am stronger now, I know what I don’t want in a relationship.

    It came back and I was able to tell IT I forgave him and for him to move on. I walked away with my head held high and shoulders back, no one will ever control me ever again. I live for myself. But I am willing to find someone to love, but on my terms.

  9. Sad Kitty May 21, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

    I just stumbled upon this site today. I feel so low right now. I’m 31 and I feel like I’ll be alone forever. 8 months ago I started dating someone I knew in passing for a year and a half. We hung out as friends for months then one fateful night things changed. I was excited and hopeful. I felt like it just evolved naturally and it was fun. After about a month though I realized we were never spending the night with each other. Even if we stayed out till 5am, he’d still go home… and I had never been invited to his home. I started asking around then a mutual acquaintance said “oh yeah, his girlfriend lives with him they’ve been together for years”. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it. I cut things off and for months he would occasionally try to reach out to me. I always missed him but I was trying to do the right thing even though I don’t have any friends and am painfully alone. Then one day, he sent me this very cute, funny email and I caved and we started talking again. We quickly picked up where we left off. I love him. He told me that the woman who lives with him used to be his girlfriend and that she’s disabled and can’t/wont get a job and she has no family and he promised to take care of her… but they don’t have a physical relationship anymore. I think they are living like an old married couple or something. I don’t know. But I feel crazy now we are still kind of seeing each other. Whenever I don’t hear from him all I think about is all the fun things he must be doing with her… all the things I wish I could do with him… it makes me feel so shitty and insecure.

    @Survivor, your comment really hits home — “Never make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in his life.” That’s what I am. He could take me or leave me. He said he missed me and that’s why he kept reaching out to me. It’s not fair though… I’m just his dirty little secret. I’m not that attractive and I have a really difficult time meeting people and forming relationships because of my past… but this is such a prescription for disaster for me. It makes me feel crazy. But I feel suicidally depressed being so alone all the time. Life isn’t worth living when you have no one. I don’t even have any friends. I used to when I wasn’t fat, then I relapsed on the eating disorder (which I was hospitalized for for 2 months) after another trainwreck relationship, getting laid off, developing a coke habit…. it’s just been one screwup after another. I can’t find a therapist who can help me. I’m a high paid professional… I work so hard to take care of myself and not be a burden to anyone. And the only type of men interested in me are just losers. I pretty much chalk it up to America hating fat people so much that now I’m not even worthy of friends or love.

    There’s just so much going on right now and my heart hurts.

  10. Kate May 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    I have been divorced for 6 years, and after all these years trying to be so cautious on meeting the “right” man, which I thought I did. This is my story…

    I have been in a long distance relationship for 7 months with a co-worker from the West Coast. We have known each other for 6 years prior, but were in different stages in our lives. Last year, I found out he got divorced and we immediately hit it off. I visited him and we had an amazing time together. We talked about future plans of family and marriage. It was the past month that I noticed some distance from him. 2 weeks ago, I asked him if he was doing anything that night, and he said no. I go home and check my Facebook and see a woman who tagged him at some show– just the both of them. Of course, I freaked out. Now, it could have been a last minute decision for him to go. I get that. And sure enough that is what he said. That she was just a friend who wanted to see the show at the last minute. He was very apologetic when he came home from the show. And I know him, he never texts me when he is out with friends. But during that moment, I put all these things in my head wondering that maybe she was the reason why he was distant in the recent month. With all my outburts and frustrations, he finally told me that he got into a funk and couldn’t snap out of it. That is when he decided that he needed to figure things out, and eventually broke up with me saying he can’t do it anymore. That he doesn’t feel the same and that he tried snapping out of it , but couldnt.

    Ok, when we got into the relationship, he was only 2 weeks out of the divorce. So, I admit, it was too soon, but he was such a lovely guy that I took the risk and believed he was ok. We talked marriage and all that. He never gave me a detailed reason why he broke it off. Just that he needs to figure things out and “think it’s the distance.” But I always wonder if he just fell for that “friend” who he went to that show with. I asked him if he was unfaithful to me or if he met someone. He said “No. I could never do that after what I had to go through with my ex.” He got cheated on, that’s why he is divorced.

    I had plans on moving too and getting a transfer before all this happened (and before we got into a realtionship. The relationship just gave me more motivation to make a move). After the break-up, as much as I didn’t want to contact him, I told him that it was still on my plans to move (so not to freak him out if the opportunity arose). And he responded coldly (in my mind at least) “Why do you want to leave your family and friends and start over?” Ouch. Well, I said, first of all, my family is already 2 Continents away. My friends are all married and never get to see them outside of work. No matter where in the world I go, I’ll still be on my own.”

    Right now, I am praying to God to guide me and make the right decision.

    It’s been 2 weeks and i still have a hard time eating and sleeping. It’s half the battle getting out of bed in the morning. I still am in love with him, and have some hope he might come back, but after this pain he caused me, I hope those feeling of hope will start to dwindle.

    Thanks for reading.

  11. MR May 16, 2012 at 7:45 am #

    I was reading the post here and I guess its good to know that your not alone. My girlfriend of 9 mos abruptly stopped communicating with me. She just stopped answering my calls and my texts. There was no cheating or “major” issues going on; she just became cold, distant and irritable towards me. Perhaps she met someone else, although she said there wasnt anyone else. I dont know. All I know is I didnt see any of this coming. Im really in a tremendous amount of pain……God this hurts. God this hurts. Only God knows our future. Maybe its best to feel short term pain now, rather than experience a life full of misery later.

  12. So strong but so aad May 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    Of course, I find my way to this conversation because my heart is broken. so like all of you, I will put my story on paper. I was in a relationship with my now ex-husband for 16 years. And, our marriage ended after much thought and consideration. He is not my heart break. I was so craving love after my marriage, it fell on my lap.

    I met my love while in CA figuring out my life. A friend brought him to a yoga class we were taking. He told me he fell in love with me the moment he met me. We continued to talk when I came home, and we made plans to see each other. I probably exchanged over 10000 texts and phone calls every day in our 4 month love affair. I fell head over heals for him. He was a match for me on so many levels. I fell in love with him even before we were physical with one another.

    The number one issue for us was distance and having children I could not move, he made many comments that led me to believe he would move here for me, and then within a blink of an eye that conversation was off the table. I was sad and a bit wounded, but decided I could weather the distance because I loved him
    So much. Eventually, I realized that what I wanted a present every day relationship was not possible between us.

    I chose to walk away in the midst of being madly in love. We tried the friend think for a while, but I realized that I could not love forward when I talked at almost the same frequency with him. I ended our friendship a week ago. I am
    Seized with moments of great sadness, but I know I have made the best decision for me. I literally have to do everything in my power to not reach out.

    I believe in love. But, I Aldo know that it brings the risk of the pain of loss.

  13. Daisy May 11, 2012 at 5:48 am #

    Thanks everyone, reading these comments makes me feel normal, and helps calm me down before heading to bed, a little more confident that I will sleep. I felt in control in our relationship until he grew distant and then I started to panic and realised how much I liked him. My current sick and teary state surprises me. I knew it was never going to “go anywhere” and was always very controlled, but unfortunately he got under my skin…and it seems as soon as he got there, he lost interest.
    I know it will pass and it comes and goes, but thanks, this has helped.

  14. Emily May 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

    I am reading everyone’s stories and I fell everyone’s pain. I recently was dumped by my fiancee of 3 years. We had been together a total of 5 years. I get a phone call and he breaks up with me over the phone with no explanation. It really stinks to have ur heart ripped out of ur chest for what seems to be no reason at all. Prayers to you all.

  15. Vanessa April 29, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

    Right before he left for bootcamp and we got
    Engaged I found out he was talking to another girl that we worked with. Found out they kissed. Then I forgave him and we were married 5 months after he graduated boot camp. Planned out wedding so fast because of the military. He was home for 2 weeks while we were married then was sent across the country for a year. I was supposed to
    Move out with him but he was nervous about the huge change bc I was finishing school and just finances. We fought a lot bc of the distance then he just stopped calling or answering my calls. Then I found out he was dating someone else. Then after months he moved closer and we reconnected and got a place together. I transferred schools and left my whole life to be with him. Things were going good so I thought but then I found him becoming really close with a co-worker who is a civilian and about 15 years older than us. They begun texting all the time and acting weird. It got to be so much with me homesick, workof full-time, taking 5 classes, and fighting all the time. So I was fed up and just moved back home. He came to visit me and his family and saw in his phone he was basically begging this older woman for a relationship- which broke my heart bc for months before I left I been wanting to start our family and he wasn’t ready. This woman has an infant and is recently divorced. I felt like he wants to be a father to someone else’s child. Some days all
    I want to do is cry, but tears don’t even arrive anymore. I’m so past heart broken that I’m numb. I know he never deserves me again but I miss him all the time. He was my best friend before we got together and now I feel scared that I’ll never be myself again. I used to always laugh and smile and now I
    Kind of just keep to myself. I feel like he took a part of me.

  16. Rhia April 27, 2012 at 3:04 am #

    I came out of a fifteen year relationship in July 2011 and, although I knew it was the right thing, I was devastated and it took me months to even feel like I could get through a day. I spent all this time crying and I had to have constant phone contact with friends and family to stop myself from going crazy.
    I met someone in January 2012 who basically swept me off my feet. He drove the relationship and I was initally wary but he told me he was in love with me, he had never met anyone like me, he wished he had met me ten years ago and all manner of amazing things. He seemed only to want to please me, he introduced me to his friends and family and took me away for some wonderful weekends. Sex between us was mindblowing and I know he felt the same way (I just felt he could not have faked that) I finally let myself believe it might be real and fell in love – I felt that I had to take a risk or be forever anxious.
    Three months later it’s all over. He avoided me for about a week and I knew something was wrong and eventually he told his feelings for me had changed physically – he had hoped it was a blip but he had decided it wasn’t and could not go on with the relationship.
    I’m totally devastated again. I had believed that I had met someone I could really make something good with. Even now he says he has never met anyone who he got on as well as as me and that he wishes his feelings hadn’t changed. He says he meant everything he said when he said it and he loved the time we spent together.
    I just can’t imagine how I am going to survive this – it felt like my life was beginning again after my marriage ended and I was having fun, meeting new people and starting a whole new life which is what he said he wanted too. Because I had such a hard time getting over my marriage and this has now happened it feels as if I will never be happy. I can’t imagine ever meeting anyone who I feel would be as compatible as the man I have just lost.
    I feel I can’t be alone and I’m so scared – I know the right thing is to try and move on but I can’t stop thinking about him and I feel as if I don’t want to move on – I just want him back.
    I can’t understand how physical feelings could change so quickly and I’m having trouble accepting it. I’m trying so hard not to text, ring or contact him but it’s all I want to do. He wants to be friends and I’ve said I may be able to be when some time has passed but I’m worried I’ll just always think there is a chance for us.
    I’m dreading he will be straight out there meeting someone new – I feel pretty sure this is exactly what he will do – he loves being in a relationship – why couldn’t it have been with me?
    I want to get better but I can’t imagine loving anyone else right now and in a strange way I don’t actually want to move on……..
    Where do you go from here?

  17. Cold Feet April 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    This website is very therapeutic – thanks to everyone who has posted, it is helping me cope.

    My boyfriend and I were together 6 and a half years from when we were 18 years old. We had stayed together throughout university and although we had had our little bust-ups, we were always pretty happy. He decided a few years ago to break into film, which caused a little bit of strain (often low or no pay) but I have been supportive and happy for him throughout. We had just begun to look at flats to move in together.

    I recently went on a 3 week holiday to Peru to fulfill a long-term dream of mine, however less than a week after I returned, he broke up with me, saying our relationship had just fizzled out. I found this frustrating as I had been trying to get him to go places and do things with me (including going to Peru) for a long time, which he just brushed off.

    I am at a loss because right up to the breakup we were very happy. He can’t explain why he broke up with me. He said he doesn’t not love me. I could see a happy future with both of us in it. I asked whether he wants to see other women, and he said yes. I asked if he wants to live with his friends, and he said yes. He said he just didn’t want to live with me. He said he wanted space and free-reign.

    It is very hard for me to accept, but I think the problem here is cold feet, and that we have been too committed too young. I really regret the past 6 years, as the build up to this has been painful. I can’t help but think if we had met later in life, we would have been happy and stayed together – it could work now, but he isn’t willing to take the chance on it. I am being self-respecting however. I will not contact him again.

    All I am filled with is sadness, longing and regrets.

  18. maria April 23, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    Thank you so much!

  19. lorna April 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

    Thank you, I’ve been crying all night about a love lost. then I thought I’d just google what happens when your heart is breaking and saw all these – you all made me feel better already. I dont feel so different from everyone else.

  20. Suzi April 14, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    I was put through the crazy wringer for 10 years by a love rat. He put me on a pedestal and I felt like a queen for about 2 weeks, then he put me in the dungeon and I spent all my time trying to impress the jerk so he would put me back up on the pedestal. Eventually I got to the end of my tether and walked outWhat really hurts is that I hear he has met someone new and I’m here alone with my broken heart. Why am I even thinking of this man? Everyone said he was no good, they all saw through him – why couldn’t I? I know the only way forward to learning to love myself and taking my thoughts back away from dwelling on him and the good times (which were few and far between).

  21. Nana April 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    I am 59 years old and have had a broken heart for the last 18 years. The love of my life let me move out of state after a 7 year relationship that was the most beautiful time of my life. I am remarried now and moved back to this state again, only to find out he lives just up the street. I was able to contact him over the years at his place of employment and we continued on a friendship like no other that I have ever known. After I came back here 8 years ago I found out that he had married again and I was very happy for him. We continued e-mails and then suddenly I got a nasty email from his wife that she did not want me to associate with him anymore. When I questioned him about it he just said that he had talked to her about me too much and that she was jealous. So, contact sort of ended. I see him sometimes in his yard as he lives right up the street and the only thing I can do is wave. I saw him oneday in early november of this year and he lookded so tired or sad or something. I just knew that something was wrong. I finally decided that, ok, I am over him. Then on nov 15 he just showed up at my house on his Indian Motorcycle, out of the blue. I had sent him a note that a dear friend of mine, that he knew well, was having cancer surgery on his liver and he had that note in his pocket. He told me that he wanted to be friends again and meet my husband. He told me that he also wanted me to say hello to my boys and that we needed to talk soon. He gave me a hug several times and then left.
    Not long after that he called me and told me that his wife was a recovering alcoholic and that she had decided that she was cured. He, being one also, for 28 years, told her he could not be around her drinking. So, she told him she would be moved out of the house by jan 1st. He asked me not to send anymore notes for the whole month of december and i said I wouldn’t. He also asked me not to call the house, and he knew I had never called his house, cause his number is unlisted. I could see that he was really upset. And the I was over him thing ended then. A few days later he wanted to meet with me in a public place to just talk. Our talk lasted 4 and 1/2 hours and would have lasted longer had I not needed to get home. During that talk he told me that he still loved me and he wanted to kiss me. I told him that I would always love him, but the kiss, well, no. He held my hand and we just talked like we had never been apart for 18 years. We made plans to meet again and I was going to tell my husband what had happened. My husband already knew that this guys wife had forbidden me to see him and everything about our past relationship. We have a very honest marriage. And my husband loves me more than life itself and would do anything for me. He hates to see other people hurt me.
    Anyway, on or about Jan 9th, I had not heard anything from this guy, so I had to go past is house to take my little grandaughter to school and he was standing in his fronl yard. As soon as I got to my house he called me and told me that his wife and him were in therapy for marriage counseling and that the counsler had told him to contact me and tell me not to send anymore notes. He announced in the session, not before at home, that he had contacted me. She apparently flew off the handle. Not sure what she did. He really didn’t say. But she had decided to not leave because of him seeing me.
    I told him I was happy that she did not leave and I said I guess we won’t be meeting anywhere anytime ever now. But he said, yes we would . He was going to get me a present for not sending a note during december like he asked. So we made arrangements to meet and then when I went to the meeting place, he did not show.
    Understandably I was upset, so a few days later I saw him in his garage working on his old truck and I stopped by and asked him what was going on. I told him I was confused and that he just left me hanging with no explaination and that I didn’t think that was fair. He told me that I would always be in his heart, but his wife just did not want us to be friends. I told him that I have always loved him and have never gotten over him and that I probably never would. But my pscyc told me also not to see him anymore, because I had broken heart syndrome. He gave me some more hugs and walked me to my car and thats the last I have seen of him.
    Now it’s like we broke up all over again. All the pain and heartache has been amplified. I am talking to my Dr. about it, but I really don’t think he knows what to tell me. He just said to me, you have never gotten over him in 18 years? And I said that’s correct. He upped my dose of medication since I suffer from severe depression and anxiety due to the breakup in the first place 18 years ago. My husband cannot console me, nor can anyone else and now it is april. I am just trying to keep busy all the time. I wish he would have never came over that day. Why did he do that to me?

  22. Fiona_twice_heartbroken April 9, 2012 at 7:15 am #

    Today my boyfriend and I broke up after 1 year together. We didn’t fight or hate each other and until yesterday held each other close as often as possible. Before that I was married for 18 years, before discovering my husband embarking on multiple affairs of such magnitude and debauchery I thought I’d never recover…but back to my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend. I’m 41 he’s 34, we wanted to start a family. In the last few months we went through a series of fertility tests whilst also trying to conceive naturally. Last week the final lab results show that we need some assistance due to some problems on both sides, a form of IVF would be the next step. Not impossible. But he doesn’t want to try because if it doesn’t work then we have no future. It turns out our love for each other isn’t enough; a family conceived naturally with someone his own age is what he wants. I wish I’d known that. I wish I didn’t feel such a hole, bereavement not only at the loss of my partner but the chance to have a family with him. I wonder if I can make it through with this new and devastating challenge. I already have the divorce wheels grinding slowly, my boss continues to bully me daily, all my friends are busy with their families, and my parents are far away. I know I have enormous strength and courage and will make it through, but there’s too little of the “good stuff” I need to get started again.

  23. Broken heart April 9, 2012 at 4:35 am #

    I was someone’s rebound love and trust me, that hurts like you won’t believe. I fell in love with a girl that recently came out of a very long, horrible relationship and even though I knew the risks I couldn’t help but fall for her. For 7 months we were in a secret relationship because she was ashamed of her last and didn’t want anyone to know, against my better judgement I stuck with it and hoped for the best. Recently she sprung it on me;”I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you but i’m not ready and I need time to heal, maybe someday we’ll end up together, i hope we can still be friends.” I don’t know how I’ll get through this as I’m close with her entire family and what’s worse is I’m still totally in love with her. I hope we do end up together but I know this isn’t healthy thinking. I am a religious man and will continue to pray for her to be happy even if it isn’t with me. Everyone who reads this, just don’t give up, stay strong in your faith and believe in the healing power of time.

  24. Survivor April 9, 2012 at 2:22 am #

    I identified with so many of the comments. I can only offer one piece of advice that I received that helped to turn things around in my head. Never make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in his life. I don’t know if that helps anyone or not, but it did create a slight shift in my brooding and grieving a broken relationship.

  25. sharon April 8, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    I was married to a man for 20 years and with him for 27 years. We have 4 children together. we were high school sweethearts and grew up in the same town and we went to the same schools all our lives. Our relationship was always a struggle. I always felt like he really didn’t love me, almost as if he tolerated me. Our sex life was great when it happened. I felt used most of the time so when he would want to be intimate I was reluctant. He began sleeping on the couch 10 years ago and that was not good. Whenever a special occasion was at hand he would neglect to acknowledge me with a card or gift, when I would complain he would say “grow up we have 4 kids” that hurt. I tried so many things to fix him and change him but it just didn’t work. I threatened several times to eave and as usual nothing worked. His parents lived right beside us and they interfered way too much in our marriage. That of course caused alot of anger and resentment. There were times when I felt he may have had an affair but i never had any proof. As things got worse i got us into therapy but the therapist said in order for therapy to work you have to be open and accepting and willing to change, my husband wasn’t! we tried three different attempts and three different therapists and they all said the same thing. I started to see a therapist myself and she helped me alot to better myself and go back to school. Everything got really bad and finally I called the mediator. We were in our 4th session with the mediator when my husband decided to tell me he was seeing someone else and that she made him happy and that he had moved on. He told me it was our family notary, she is 31. My husband and I are 44. At that point I decided to call a lawyer and file for divorce. I feel so empty, sad and alone. my kids rae hurt as well. I am terrified and feel like my heart is shattered into pieces. I still love him and it hurts so much to know he is with someone else. I am feeling guilty now, I feel that maybe I didn’t try hard enough.

  26. Confused about getting Dumped April 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    Hello
    I Want my ex back, SHE told to get on with life. I had fallen in love with her, I wanted to ask her to marry me. I asked her if she would ever marry me…..She said she would never marry me. I have not bn texting or contacting her about how I feel. I did something that was life changing for me and now I can really commit to a normal relationship. She not know I am out of that mad life, my family and her can now trust me……
    I ask her out for a coffee she txt bac and said she get in touch with me. I ask a week in advance, she replied, “I will let you know”, what is that mean? I THINK THAT IS A NO and she won’t get touch with me. I need some positive advice. I know the bad suff.

  27. Still lingering? April 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    Ok so this girl dumped me 15 months ago, guess what? it still hurts! We were together for 5 months but apparently I fell hard, i’ve dated other girls in the meantime, but still think of her. Nothing I accomplish or do can help me hold my head high in front of her. I’m only about to be 25, a very successful, healthy, christian. But still when I think of her, I cave.

  28. Mike April 2, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    My situation is different and I know I will be harshly judged for my choices. I left a girl that I loved out of pride and stupidity. I ended up settling for a very nice girl that seemed to love me and we got married hoping that I will love her someday. I was just thinking that arranged marriages work so we will be ok because on paper she is the perfect girl. 5 years and two kids down the line I’m still not in love with her and I see more clearly that we are simply just not compatible. My mistake was to have an affair with a colleague that I ended up falling deeply in love with. Now she wants out of the relationship for obvious reasons and to be frank, I’m completely shattered. As u can imagine, I have no one to talk to about this and so I’m suffering in silence. It was hard to let go of my first girlfriend but this one hurt much MUCH more. I cant imagine my life wihtout this lady and seeing her at work. I want to keep her in my life. I wish there was a way I could marry her. I’m totally and completely in love with her and I’m hurting in parts of my body I never used to think about until now. I seriously need all the help I can get. I’m dying little by little every day. I’m completely shocked at how much pain I’m feelling right now.

  29. On my own again... April 1, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    To ‘getting past this’, thanks for your thoughts. You’re right we have our own feelings that even though we think the one we love should know how we feel, they don’t really. They are so involved with their own feeling, do they even try to understand how someone else might feel?
    To ‘desperate’, hang in there, you will be okay. Don’t let someone else determine how you will live and feel. Have respect and love for yourself. I was thinking about my kids and how I hope they never feel such heart ache. If they told me about a love that was treating them so disrepectfully, I would tell them to move on. That they deserve love with substance, lasting, faithful, respectful, understanding. I guess we all will be a better person after we know first hand how it feels to be broken hearted.
    I think we are so blind to the way these people are treating us. We gave them our love and they don’t appreciate it, always looking for someone else.
    I just want someone to trust with my heart.

  30. Loc March 31, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

    AS THE SWORDS OF REJECTION FALL
    Being a desperate star crossed lover turns her off me like a light switch.
    To Contact Her I would Fall deeper in her eyes, as that very, very desperate star crossed lover. Who is seeking what I will never have from her.
    My heart feels love, but I know it is not what she feels for me. I put words in to her mouth when I wanted a reply; her words were that of what I had asked, she said “SHE WOULD NEVER MARRY ME.” Those words echo in my head again and again as they rip me apart with the swords of rejection.
    Little bits of me want to say that four letter word again and again. They are only words she would prefer I not mention, write or say to her ever again.
    Her words are sharper than razor blades, as, as or sharper than a samurai swords fling through the air. Flesh and bone fall; I look down and see my heart fall.
    She my Lyn who I LOVE Slices the Flesh and Body apart. Finally to see my heart fall as my last blood of pure love, pumps from my torn soul.
    Lyn Andrew is my LOVE, my Life but never again will I touch LOVE ever again.

  31. Deesperate March 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    I was in a relationship 3 1/2 years im 26 now he is 30…he never loved my son my child was always a problem, he cheated pretty much from the beginning of time, i just always fell or chose to fall for his stories of how im just crazy…things got to such an ugly physical point, and still i went back, i went far and beyond for him and always felt be littled by him, called me names, i never came first, yet i still loved him, unconditionally…everytime i tried to leave him, after a few days he would express how he loved me through emails text and songs, asking to see me one last time, always ending up in me falling back into a vicious cycle….things got so ugly this time around that i am sure it is over for good, but i feel empty inside, even though i know he is not right for me i feel so much emptiness and pain, my days dont make sense, i think of him constantly, any second i am alone, i am crying….we have not spoken and i can go without calling or texting, im ok w resisting the urge, but what i feel drives me crazy, i feel as if i will never really stop loving him, and i dont have the minimal desire to date nor talk to any man and im only 26, ..i feel i will never be able to let go and love someone else much less stop thinking or loving him. =’(

  32. Getting past this.. March 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    @Brokengirl and @On my own again…I still kinda receive messages from my true love here and there, it’s hard not to share all your feelings to a man that was once your best friend, because he knows you more than anyone, right? He should know how you feel, right? Wrong! We all have our own issues and feelings–even him! We will never know the answers to our questions even when we ask him, he will not share or feel those emotions like we do. I have to accept a lot of dreams that will never come true. But, believe me when I say this..it takes time to heal from this pain. It does leave a scar that will never be healed, but its a lesson learned. Rather, its better to have been loved than never have been loved. You have to forgive him and let it him go! You can still love him, but let him go! This makes it better for you and soul to recover during these heartaches. God, has placed him in your life for a test..a test maybe if you are ready to love or not..so, he took him away from you to cause less heartache if the relationship went any further. I hate it myself! but there’s a reason for everything in life and you have roll with punches and learn from it before it kills you inside and not want to love again. We will all find love again! It happens when we atleast expect it, and also when we are ready emotionally and spiritually. You only attract people who are like you in that state–if you are needy, then you will attract someone who is needy, if you are a lovable person, you will attract a lovable person. So, always look within yourself first..you are love! Love outwardly. Please take care people, broken hearts always mend in due time. Peace.

  33. Steph March 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    It feels so great to read all these storries. I just feel less alone.
    One and a half year ago my first love left me. I was abroad for an semester when he told that his feelings werent that strong anymore. i could not understand that becuase i was so madly ind love with him. Then one week later I found out that he was with another girl. The problem was that we were still talking and he was telling that everything would be alright when i would come home. Then after i was back , we met. He gave me a hug and we watched a movie. He put his arm around me and kissed me on the forehead. Since that he never spoke a word to me again. i just feel so used and the pain just wont go away. And then six month after the brakup he started to call me. he told what a nice girlfriend i was and suddenly my feelings went crazy. then he let me fall again and i just cant get over it. I really want to but its just not possible.

  34. Crushed March 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    As I read everyone’s story, it brings me a little comfort. I thought I was alone. My heart goes out to everyone that’s hurting because my heart is in a million pieces having just lost my love of 3 years. He’s been my best friend and my rock and now it’s gone! I have yet to stop crying and I feel sick. How can someone that said they loved u be so mean! I never realized things were as bad as he did. All relationships have there ups and downs but I never thought it would be something that he would give up on. So….where do I go from here? How do I learn to think only for myself instead of for ‘us’? I have craved this man for so long and it’s gone! He has decided that he needs more freedom, really? I gave him everything he could of ever wanted to only receive a broken heart! What gives!!??! I can’t grasp my present reality because it seems so unreal. I’ve got to be in a horrible dream and I will wake up and he will be laying beside me instead of an empty bed and all his things gone from ‘our’ home! I honestly have no idea where to start over. I can’t even breathe! I guess life has a morbid sense of humor bc I’m trying to see the bigger picture and what I can possibly gain from this but I find my hope is on empty. I wish I only knew what had happened. Why had things not been communicated before it got to this point? Maybe I wouldn’t have been so blind sided! He’s birthday is coming up soon and I’d booked a surprise trip for us to Ireland because he has never been overseas. It was a very special surprise meant to get him away from all of his stressors, unfortunately, I was told I was his biggest stress. I wish I knew how? I honestly thought I was the best girl ever for him. I let him go out and come home when he wanted to because I trusted him. He always came home and would cuddle up to me and whisper ‘i love you’ before going to sleep. I’m truly at a loss and all I do is cry! I just wish I knew why. Why did this happen? What did I not do right? What were my mistakes and why did it just end? He’s words cut like a knife! Im so broken!!!!!!!!!!

  35. brokengirl March 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm #

    I have had my heart broken after a 2 year relationship. He cheated with his
    Ex multiple times and I knew about it but thought if I did this or that things would
    Get better. I know I deserve better but he has been my bestfriend the love of my life and I cannot imagine life without him. It hurts to breathe. I don’t think I will
    Ever love someone as I love him again. Help!!

  36. On my own again... March 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    It sure is nice to know I’m not alone with a broken heart, that there are others feeling the pain also. I hope we all will recover and be strong.
    It has been 3 years since my separation from my husband of 15 years. I met a man 2 years ago. He was wonderful, affectionate, passionate and caring, not to mention fairly wealthy. He spoiled me with affection and took me travelling. We always had a wonderful time.The passion was unlike anything I have ever known. However, I had a feeling he was still looking. I have always known that my kids were an issue for him. Even though they are only with me 50%, he is older and his kids are out of the house.
    Anyway, I discovered that he was on a dating site. He admitted it and said he plans to go date. He went even though I told him it would be over if he did. He emailed me every day. He still cares for me, I believe that, but we are over. He has continued to either call or phone every day, and foolishly I have responded.This is the first day with no email or call. My heart hurts and I wonder when I will feel truly happy again. I even felt a huge lump in my throat at yoga tonight….Life goes on, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger….

  37. Alyna March 21, 2012 at 8:30 am #

    I wanna reach out to all of you enduring heartache . My heartache is from my love at the office . It grew to more than romance & now he is leaving because of a huge list of reasons I won’t get into … He doesn’t want to communicate to me at all so the chances of us staying best friends which we were is lost . I think that us what hurts the most . The loss of our great connection is killing me & I just can’t take his cold demeanor. Yes time heals all things so I just need to be alone & deal with this loss of a dear lover & friend . I love & admired him so even with all our differences . What a loss ;( may I get past this sometime soon , I don’t know if I ever can .

  38. Layna March 20, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    Hi, Im 44 and going through a horrible heartbreak. You see I’ve been with this man for 6 years, when I met him it was love at first sight for me, but he really liked me too. He was a big liar and I can honestly say, I never really knew whom I was dealing with. I need to find hope and believe that my life is Not over. I feel like I want to run away from my life. My fault was too much work, too much routine, dropped all of my hobbies, hardly saw my friends and lost a “male” bestfriend whom would have married me at the drop of a hat, but because of my shallowness I stayed with the sexy, bad latin man. I now my strenghts, and am a fun loving , beautiful woman.
    But I have no children and never have been married. So not only do I miss my ex but I revolved my whole life around him and all his issues. So I am lost now, I need to find myself again, don’t know where to begin and pray to god for strenght and courage. We had incredible experiences together but he was not meant to commit to one woman …he was like a gypsy but when you fall inlove with a man who’s beauty is “childlike” there will be a heavy price to pay for it , like I am now.

  39. Maryna March 14, 2012 at 12:50 am #

    I’m going through a lot of pain at the moment. How come something so right be so wrong? My mind is telling me the opposite of what my heart says. I really am bruised, it is not something I’m going to recover from any time soon. It’s a pity for life is so beautiful, but I just don’t feel like being part of anything that is positive and good. So true to the saying: If you laugh the world laughs with you and if you cry, you cry alone ….. I just wish I can snap out of it!! But I don’t feel like it, I’m in that deep dark pit and don’t know how to get out of it. But, I’ll get out of here, in my own time, I really pray for this. Thinking of everyone going through this as well and wishing you the best on finding that one true love, which we all deserve, only the best will do.

  40. Marielle March 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    Best Friends, your story is a lot like mine. In the beginning he was warm, thoughtful, funny, so full of life. We dated long distance for 3 years. But he seems so avoidant of meeting me in person. Last December he went to my home country and stayed with my family. He returned to the US in February a changed man. Cold, aloof, distant, thoughtless. I struggled with hope and hang on hoping he will come round. But when we talked yesterday, I sensed the irritation in him, fantasizing about other women. I realized I’ve lost him forever. Yes I am hurting now, and battling with it. But I know I will be OK. Today is day one of no contact. I am praying that I will be strong.

  41. Getting past this.. March 12, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    I am reading all the comments and it brings such comfort that so many of us go through the same heart aches when it comes to love. For me, I fell in love with a man 20 years ago when I was seventeen. We were together for 3 years and even after I moved we kept in touch but soon we lost touch with each other. Back then, there was no cell phones or social network sites on internet. Three months ago, I was on a website to see if anyone was looking for me, and behold it was him! I decided to look on a social network and found him! I sent him message. It took two weeks for him to reply (in which left me in torment for two weeks). When on Christmas Eve, he messages me..it was great to talk with him for the two months! Nothing was said about our past together, however I did tell him that I still care about him. He tells me that he is very depressed because of his job and wants a big change in his life. Well, to make a long story short, after I crossed the line and sent him a friendly Valentines via message (nothing about love)..he has not communicated with me for over a month now. It hurts to know, that 20 years has gone by and neither one of us knows what the other has gone through..but it is strange that I still love him for who his is. It seems he is trying to change. But, I hurt too! wanting him again and that there’s nothing I can do about it..but I know this. For the longest time, 20 years now I have not believed in love, refused to let it come to me! Now, that I have made contact with him and know that he was not a vivid of imagination and that our love was true at one point and it was real. It may not be the way now, for people change. However, I believe true love never dies and I am hopeful that we can love each other again BUT, if it does not because at this point it’s in God’s hands..one thing is for sure it made me believe in love again..that one day it will happen again to me and this connection has made me believe in love again! even if it’s not with him. It’s in me to love and to be loved. It’s been very hard to get to this place and I still struggle each day for my dreams of him to bring back to me. Praise God that love will find me again!

  42. Carrie March 11, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    It is nice to know that I am not alone. I have had my heart ripped out of my chest about 3 times in the last 4 years, twice being by the same person. I was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years, and was getting ready to move out to CA. A couple months before I was supposed to move out, I found her texting somebody else about how much they are thinking about them. Needless to say, I begged for them to stay with me, but we broke up. I didnt think that kind of pain existed. I could not eat or sleep. Then I met someone else, who I knew was not the person for me, but helped me get over my ex. It is amazing how things change, I went to my ex’s wedding and we continue to be friends today. However, my real heart ache just happened. I started dating someone about 2 years ago, we only dated for about a couple months until she said she could not be fully committed since she was not over her ex. We moved pretty fast in those 2 months tho, and decided to become friends. And we did, best friends. We dated other people, and started to confide in one another. We became very close, and when our relationships with others ended, we decided to give it another go. I can’t think of someone who I would rather spend time with. She was my best friend and we were so very attracted to one another, we had it all. We went to Costa Rica for my 30th bday, and about a couple weeks after that, I started to notice a bit of distance from her. I began to have anxiety about it, and just knew something was not right. We started fighting, and we never ever fought. She finally said that she did not know if she could continue in this knowing my feelings for her were stronger than what she had for me. She stated she was very happy with me but felt it was unfair to continue since it had been a year and she didnt think that her feelings were where they should be. I have lost who I thought was the “one” for me and I have lost my very best friend in the world. But I have to think and believe that there is someone out there who is it for me. Nobody wants to be alone, and I think that is what makes relationships so hard to get over when they end. Sure you miss that person terribly, but the fear of being alone is so crippling as well. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason, even if you can’t see it right away. Hearts get broken everyday, and hearts get healed everyday as well. We all need to stay strong and love will find us again.

  43. Sherrie March 6, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    I don’t know what to do. I came off of a 4 year too long relationship and dove right into dating this person who just swept me away. I have always been really independent, self relying and never fell too hard for anyone. I have had several walls I’ve placed up for most of my life. I am 42 and have never been married by choice. I just never met the “right” person for me but I have always been hopeful. When I met this man I was so impressed…he was kind, sincere, thoughtful, generous, intelligent, funny, sexy, alluring although he is overweight. I have never been attracted to someone overweight. I don’t want to sound shallow but its the truth. Within a month we already told each other that we loved one another….and I meant it!!! It scared me to death to think I fell that hard, that quick…it was so unlike me…I found myself trying things that he was interested in…never have done that!! He makes me feel so alive…like a part of me that was dead is awake again. He asked me about a month ago to live with him. I was excited and did. I couldn’t believe what I was doing…I’m normally so rational and this was off the rickter!! About a two weeks ago I started not doing things I would normally do for myself. We were around each other 24/7. I felt trapped..like I needed space but still loving being with him at the same time. I was giving up things and he was still doing things with his friends. I started to get controlling…another thing that is clearly not me. He asked me to move back out this past Saturday…I felt my heart drop…I couldn’t hide the pain I felt…it just washed over me. I started crying in front of him and he looked pittily at me which of course made me feel even worse. He said that we were moving way to fast and that we needed to slow down. I was so confused. Here he had asked me to live with him…I never initiated any of these things of great committment with him. He said things would not change between us, I just wouldn’t be living with him. How could that not? I was crushed…I quickly moved my things out Sunday. His grandmother ending up passing away Saturday evening whom he was really close to. I was going to leave his place Saturday and he said I didn’t have to. I stayed and slept by him…he held me for a while then pushed away to the other side of the bed. I told him Sunday that clearly I wasn’t ready for this and that I needed to take time from my previous relationship to heal the negative wounds. I don’t know whether he took that as me not wanting to see him anymore. I asked if we were still dating and he said that most of him wanted to immediately say yes but there was a part of him that is hesitant. We haven’t spoke since Sunday and I am on his pool league tonight. I also asked him if he wanted me to drop out…you know…that I would make him feel uneasy…he urgently said NO~!!!. I am supposed to play pool tonight with him on the team and all I keep thinking about is how I’m not going to throw up!! Friends say I should stay cool and just treat him as “one of the guys” but my heart is dying. I don’t know what I should do or if he even still feels the same way anymore….

    Broken

  44. Marie March 4, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    Hi everyone, I have been reading all the comments and stories. My heart goes out to all of you for I share the same heartbreak and sorrow as some of you. I hope that by sharing my story, the healing process could perhaps hasten and ease my pain a little.

    I went out with this guy for 15 months, on-and-off. The last 5 months of our relationship was serious, according to him. I have never felt secured and have never planned for us to be together in the long-run because I know he would hurt and dump me sooner or later. You see, he is good-looking, an attention-seeker and loves to flirt with other girls. There is no way I could live with such a guy forever knowing that he would never be satisfied with me alone. However, I made the mistake of falling deep in love with him somewhere along the way. I just love and adore him, even if he never appreciate me.

    We finally broke up 2 weeks ago because he said we were different and I told him that I am sick of his lack of efforts. He also said that he haven’t and can’t commit to me, and that he doesn’t love me as much as he thought. What happen to all those words he said just a few days ago I thought? And then I found out that he has been going out with a girl, though he insisted that there was nothing between them. I texted him again after a week, breaking the NC rule because I just miss him too much. To say the truth, I missed him both emotionally and physically. And I told him that I do not mind just having a physical relationship. I know, bad and dumb move. I just want a chance to see him again I guess.

    We continue texting after that and he still refers to me as his sweetheart and dear. I was supposed to go over his place yesterday. But he said we can’t be together again. It is almost like being dealt the same blow as before but I guess I was not as hurt as before. Eventually I did not go over because I don’t want to be subjected to more self-loathing and pain.

    I felt hurt and is in pain because he wasn’t sad or anything after the break-up. 15 long months and he just walk away with all the love I have given him. But then again, I knew that this is the best for me. Better 15 months than 15 years. But for now, the loneliness just sticks with you, the fear of never loving again got stuck in you and you feel like you are in a deep black hole, never seeing the sunlight again. I truly hope that we could just get over this hopeless feeling as soon as we can, and get the happy ending we so deserve.

  45. Roxy March 1, 2012 at 10:17 am #

    @Jessie, you try to move on. I know it is hard, it is sooooooooo hard. I cannot seem to get my ex out of my head and my heart, but you have to pray and ask God to help you to move on. Try to meet new people, I know this sounds difficult, however, this has been how I have been able to move on a bit. I talk to other guys just to get him out of my mind. You will make it, just try not to focus on her and her new guy. I know it is easier said than done, but when you are hurting each day is a struggle. Its been almost 2 months for me and it gets harder and harder. You will make it!!!!

  46. Lisa Maurice February 28, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    I finally got over someone and every 6-7 months he shows up, not with honorable intentions and the pain comes back – I now will have to go another 6-7 months but am hoping that it is permanent this time, he doesn’t send an e-mail or picture across computer nothing. I hope it is over. It’s hard to have feelings of pain come back when you thought they never would of again, but they did again. My hope is that this is the last time.

  47. althe February 26, 2012 at 9:08 pm #

    Most people at one point or another have their heart broken. It’s a fact. There are far fewer people who find your one true love with the first person you fall in love with. The cool thing about this is your are not alone. You have plenty of company as those who do find their one true love on their first try are actually the minority.
    Go out and live your life. Do things that you have always wanted to do but you just never had the time or the chance to. Do things that excite you or even go out and try things so you can find out what excites you. I know in the back of everyone’s mind is that thought, “But I don’t have much money.” Do not worry about that. Who says that doing and finding things that excite you has to cost a lot of money. Save up for things that do cost money, but go out and meet people. Invite your friends over or if you don’t have too many friends, go out and make some new ones.

    Having your heart broken is definitely not the end of the world, so go out there and make the most of it. Another thing that can happen is the person who broke your heart may see that you are doing so well and having so much fun, that they may come back to you. Be careful if this happens. Really sit down and weigh out whether you are better with or without them.

    To sum up, the best advice for the broken hearted is to get over the breakup and move on with your life. Take your mind off of the other person by filling your life with fun and exciting things. Go out and make new friends as you hang out with your old friends. While being broken hearted will hurt for a short period, do not let that feeling stay with you. You have the ability to change the way you feel about anything, so feel good and have fun.

  48. jesse February 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    well, I’m 27, been broken up from my ex-fiance for almost 2 years. but still find myself thinking of her everyday. wondering what would’ve happened if I’d’ve stayed. her brother-in-law made an accusition against me in front of her family. since he’d been a part of the family longer than I had they believed him and “formed a mob.” I was on the phone with my mother about the upcoming wedding when I got mobbed and the phone got disconnected. my brothers and dad rushed over and a fist fight broke out where I got 2 cracked ribs and my ex had a concussion (not from me). police broke it up and asked me if I wanted to stay and work it out or if I wanted help getting my things. (staring down a mob ready to kill me) I left. about 3 months later the brother-in-law fessed up to the lie. but the damage was done. me and my ex tried to get back together about 8 months after the incident, and were begining to do well. but she didn’t want to move where I live now 72mi away from her home town in my home town. we both owned our houses. so I’d drive the 72mi every weekend to spend friday night through sunday with her. this went on in secret for about 5 months, that is til the brother-in-law drove through the alley and saw my car. we haven’t been together since, I can’t stop thinking about her, and now she’s engaged and I can’t move on. what do I do?

  49. Pushing Forward February 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Reading everyone’s stories makes me feel a less little alone. I will keep my story short. I met this guy a few years ago via the internet. We hit it off instantly, we decided to date long distance. He cheated on me with a girl that lived in his town. It was kind of spooky because I had a dream that he had done this and when I asked him if he had in fact cheated on me… He gave a long pause before answering and said “no”… with no emotion. At that point felt very confused between my gut feeling and him having said that he had not cheated on me. I broke it off. And ever since then he continues pop back into my life… contacting me form various e-mail accounts that I have continuously blocked… He contacted me Friday… I had a moment of weakness.. and responded. I have recently moved out of my home state and am working hard to put down roots in the state of Florida. My family is angry that I have moved away and many of them are refusing to talk to me… I feel extremely alone at times… And think that’s why I took the bait.. and now I am having feelings all the emotions i felt when we were together.. and i know he doesn’t really want to be with me… he just misses me but he doesn’t love me. I don’t want to be used any more. I want REAL love. My brain knows that things with him will go no where, but its going to take my heart a while long to understand this. Thank you for creating such a site for people to vent and begin the healing process.

  50. Best Friends February 15, 2012 at 9:03 am #

    I had not dated for 17 years and ended up finding a gentleman on a website. We dated for several months. He was funny, handsome and caring. We shared a lot of laughs together. However, I noticed he was becoming distant. He responded that he was looking for friends only, did not want a relationship with anyone, however, he indicated he adored me, thought I was wonderful, and his best friend. I thought I could handle a “friends” only arrangement, but the longer I stayed in the “friendship” the more detached he became and to the point where he never held my hand and only offered an occasional hug. I continued to see him for several more months; however, I was beginning to have a war between my heart and head. I felt the relationship was very unhealthy for me, and now find it is time to leave the friendship. I do have a broken heart because we shared so many good times together, minus the affection. I could never just be friends with someone when the relationship did not start out that way in my opinion.

    I will heal. Thanks to all that responded, as this helped me understand myself more. I will go on with my life, heal, and the next time I date, be a little wiser. I will not let this “relationship” make me bitter, and will take the good times and see them for what they truly were.

    Thanks again, everyone. At the moment, I feel better, but I know that this will pass and I will miss him and want to contact him. But I will not, because the more contact I have, it just delays the healing process. I will give myself a big star for each day I get thru without contacting him. I am ready to put this on a shelf as a past experience and move forward to develop healthy relationships.

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