You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”
The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.
The concept of alignment will help you understand why you may have been in a relationship that was not good enough for you. It will also help you understand how to use your logic to help heal your broken heart. Let’s look at some more examples of what happens when your heart and mind disagree with one another.
Scenario 1 – During the Relationship
Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”
If you were in a relationship where it was obvious that you were not receiving the love, respect, and engagement that you deserve, then your mind was probably nudging you during the relationship and asking you, “Why are we still here?” You remained in that relationship for longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and relationship could change.
Your heart believed that it was better to be in a relationship that was mediocre than to be alone. Your heart was saying to you, “Hey, give it a chance, it’s not that bad.” Your mind and heart were not aligned and this probably led to fighting, to an internal struggle, and eventually the break up. Often when we want more from a relationship than we are getting, we continually try to get ‘more’ by attempting to change the person we are with or by forcing other changes in the relationship. This is generally a destructive path.
Scenario 2 – During the Relationship
Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”
When one partner in a relationship is not happy, they usually provide indications either verbally, in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, or via non-verbal actions of their discontent. If you are the other partner that is madly in love, you do actually receive the red flags as signals in your mind. Unfortunately, your heart overpowers your logic in this case. Your heart speaks so loudly about how in love you are and how perfect everything is, that you drown out the messages your mind has received.
Eventually, after the break up, it is easier to see the red flags were present in your relationship. You also may realize that some of the reason you were deeply attached to your ex was because you loved the idea of being in love. If you relate to this scenario, remember, you deserve a love with equal give and take. Reciprocity is essential to the success of a relationship and you should never have to convince someone to love you as much as you love them.
Scenario 3 – After the Break Up
Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”
After your break up, if you sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, you will hear hope inside. This hope is telling you that you will feel better, that you will live life once again with passion, and that you will experience love once again. The information you are being sent from your mind is based on your history and the fact that you have overcome obstacles in the past. Your mind remembers the times where you have faced adversity and have come out on the other side stronger and brighter. Your heart is speaking out of fear; listen to your mind – it has a strong basis for giving you hope.
Listen to words from friends, family, and counselors even if they do not feel like they are helping to heal your broken heart. Every single word helps. Listen to every word someone with experience has to tell you. Up until now, we haven’t discussed the subconscious mind. Positive messages to your subconscious mind can overpower negative ones from your heart. Everything you are reading and listening to about healing is entering your subconscious and will help you heal faster.
Above I have discussed the logical mind being overpowered by a somewhat illogical heart. Please note, the situation can certainly occur in reverse. Your heart may experience genuine love yet have seeds of doubt planted by an insecure mind. In either situation, if you are looking to heal your heartache from your current break up, please know it is possible.
Have you received your complimentary custom healing advice? Click to take the 2 minute evaluation here. ~Love & Light, Amelie Chance
Hi there, thanks for writing in. I’m out of the office today, but wanted to let you know I received your email and will get back to you by tomorrow.
Love & Light,
Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart
www.HealMyBrokenHeart.com
__________________________________
P.S. Are we friends? We should be – find me on twitter @ameliechance
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My name is Amelie Chance. A little over 12 years ago, I went through a divorce which left me living in fear. I was afraid that my heart would never heal. I was afraid that each day would be more meaningless than the next. I was afraid that I would never love again. After several months, I hit rock bottom. It was then I saw a very simple choice I had to make--a choice between fear and hope.
I broke up with another man (i’m a gay man) I was with for 4 years in February. I was not a good person during most of the relationship, i cheated, I took advantage, i used, i was angry. He was very sensible and calm, good job, caring, I thought he deserved someone who wasn’t me due to, I don’t know, bottled up anger and self loathing I guess. It finally came to the crunch in February, now he’s met somebody more fun, more outgoing, more social, happier, and I’m being pointed and laughed at for my past, crazy behaviour. I’m trying to come to terms with the pain, I was genuinely loved but I pushed it away. In this case I really believe that my heart ruled my pitiful head. I didn’t reason things through, I just reacted to situations, usually with anger. Now i want him to comfort me as he did for a long time, but with reason, he now dislikes me intensely, and as difficult as it is to not cling on to I have to say I feel like i’ve made some terrible choices in the relationship. It wasn’t based on much but emotion and loneliness I guess. The thought of couple-dom and intimacy frightens me, that dominance, that ‘never let me go’ that you must always be here thing that some people adore. I long for the idealised view of it, but in reality I just couldn’t put it into action. i’m trying to work through the pain, he’s moved on, but I’m the weaker one with less confidence. Trying to build myself up gradually but any knocks that come my way are very strong indeed.
My partner of six years didn’t know my the date of my birthday. She guessed it was tomorrow. Only a week early. I have long felt I have been used and have gone through great hardship for her financially it has cost me tens of thousands to help her and her kids. On her birthdays I never forget but she expects very expensive gifts I can’t really afford. All I wanted was a happy birthday kiss and a cup of coffee in bed.
I’ve been feeling that I’d be better off with nobody than someone who pretends to love me.
this was timely for me really exact of what im going through right at this very moment….but i need to overcome this thank God for this Godbless
I have just broken up with my spouse of 12 years. Long story short we have a 16 year old child (only 1)… We were very young when we had her… so we werent together until we were a little older. We have the spent that last 12 years together without ever physically leaving each other, but I have been un-happy with him for many years. I realize that I MADE HUGE MISTAKE staying with him so that I could feel like I did the right thing for my child. I actually love this person, but he is unable to give love. He is not very respectful to anyone. However, he was always loyal to me and I thought that was enough. I held on for years and years, but always said I would leave him when our child was 18. My child beat me to the punch and left last week because she couldnt deal with him anymore. He is just an angry person for some reason. I will never understand it. We have not needed for anything. We have been very blessed. He is just an angry person. I made excuses for years… to myself, my daughter, my family, and our friends. I threatened to leave before, but never did. My heart is so broken. I am mad at myself for staying so long, ruining my daughter because if his verbal abuse, and allowing him to steal all the life out of me. I wish I could start over and raise my daughter without him… I am not looking forward to breaking/splitting up 12 years of life. I dont really have a lot of friends, but I have my mom and sister… I just feel awful saying anything because I cant stand to even hear myself talk about this. Im so hurt. I keep thinking maybe I am making a mistake… but I know Im not. This person who I wanted to love, who loves me but doesnt know how to show it – has frustrated me so badly that I have to leave him. How hard is it to be nice to someone? To think about them? I am not a high maintenance person at all. I am very self sufficient. I just wanted a companion. Someone who was interested in my life, or at least someone who pretended to be interested because they loved me. Someone who would hold me when I lost a loved one. He couldnt do it. He left me alone… in my depression for months and just ignored me and sat in watched TV. I joined a sport to get out and make some friends. I thought maybe he would cheer me on. He wouldnt even come to my games. I was the ONLY “wife” playing without her husband there for 4 seasons! It was so embarrassing. I feel worthless, and I know Im not. This article is true. You cant change anyone. DONT EVER wait for them to come around or you’ll waste 12 good years of your youth. Dont stay for your children if youre not happy because they wont be happy either, and maybe they leave you and refuse to come home when they are 16. I cant believe I did this to myself. I just wanted to have a family. Now Im 34… single… almost grown child… starting life all over again. I have time/youth on my side, but it just sucks! The bottom line is this: if you have doubts- dont stay…. dont get married… and certainly dont have more children. Im happy I was smart enough to not do either of those. good luck all. pray for peace in your hearts.
thank you for sharing your story with me…it has given me hope and strength..two very powerful things. I have been waiting for someone to change and want to be with me again after we parted ways.. I have loved him and been patient and forgiving, regardless of him saying over and over that he didn’t want to be with me. I thought there was still a chance. Two weeks ago he told me he is seeing other people…that wasn’t enough for me to give up..I am still sad and am getting the cold shoulder, trying and poking, hoping he will come around. Only a month ago he was saying he missed me..I am 37 and have wasted many years waiting on unavailable me. I have a lot of work to do on myself, but I am still hurting.
thank you for sharing and reminding me that if we did get back together,…he wouldn’t have changed.
I’m pretty much experiencing the same thing. This guy has said he didn’t want a relationship as well but only this time I thought it would be different because he actually told me he cared and had feelings for me but now I guess all that had changed because now he is saying its To much and he can’t give me that right now! In retrospect he probably has someone else.
Hi,
Thanks for sharing ur story. I separated with finance three months ago after 8 yrs. been fine but last few days been hell. U made me realise I can’t keep thinking was it right ending it, I could never go back. Just cause I lived with him for 7 yrs just hard not having him there for companionship. I’m 35 no children and I just keep thinking their no chance of family now
I’m 33, have a 16 years old daughter, 12-13 years of my life … same EXACT thing. Although my partner isn’t mean or angry, he’s not interested in my life or being closer. We have almost nothing in common and I thought I would wait it out for his daughter (I’m step mom but SO close to her she could be mine.) I seperated from him January 2012, reconnected with an old friend (May 31st 2012) from high school, he was my EVERYTHING but because I still share a home with my ex my new boyfriend became very insecure and has seperated his life from mine… we’re no longer seeing each other as of recently…. we would have been together a year May 31st. My heart is broken, not only that I feel I wasted years of my life with a man who coudln’t love me the way I needed him to but also because I finally fell in love with someone, I mean, REALLY fell in love, and because of my situation (health issues and daughter) I chose to not move on with the new BF. I learned a lot about how we deal with things and feared a life with him would be more difficult. So I’m two for two. I can say the second one would have been an amazing partner, not sure for how long but he would have been a perfect match for me.. a nice change from what I’ve lived with for years. Waiting it out and losing time in your life is not worth it. I wish I could say this experience has made me want to grab life by the horns and do what I want for me, but I can’t. I’m still here with my ex of 12 years, playing house with a man who is no longer my partner, but I do get to spend every day with my daughter and theres no fighting so its a healthy environment for her. My ex and I are best friends but I know we’re not going to be able to share living space forever. I was so wrong for not taking steps to be with the man I loved. Lifes too short to not do things for yourself.
I found this site just now because I want to feel some little relaxation after a broke up this morning only. Reading the healing process, thinking that it can helps me to forget easily but I am wrong. I am definitely, totally broken. I had a relationship in a man who is very different to other man that i met in my whole life. He cared me so much, he valued me and treated me as his wife. He gave and spent all his time just to be with me every night. He never lacked to love me, he met all my expectations it is like a dream guy to be said. I don’t know why i beg to him to leave me? My mind saying that he deserve someone who is better than me. When i asked him to leave me, he said easily “NO”. A few conversations went after that he left without saying anything. I don’t know why my heart saying that i love this man, i don’t want to loose him but my mind saying he deserves someone. I’m crying, i don’t know how to turn back time again. I want to call him but i’m trying to stop myself to talk him again. It is my fault for not valuing such a great person like him. I want to lessen the pain that I feel now, my heart is in pain…burning. Actually i want him now to hug me to eased the pain that i feel. I really love that guy… maybe someday we will meet again.
Me and my bf were together for 7 and half yrs.We broke up almost two wks ago.We had our good and bad days ,but for the most part we were happy.I wanted marriage so i brought it to his attention. He sad he wants kids before we get married.But here the thing he knew from day one when we started dating that i can’t hv kids.I’m 15 yrs older then him.I’m 45 and he is 30.Its was never brought up in our 7 and half yrs of relationship that ,lets try to hv kids.I would hv done anything to make it happen for us. I know that he never wants to marry me,cause i brought this up couple times to when we gona get married ,he brings up the kid.We both nurses and we both know complications of having kids at my age. I’m so broken apart with his statements,i feel he never love me enough,he did not love me for who i’m but what he can get out of me.it just broke my heart and i asked him to leave and he left.
I have never posted on a blog like this before. At first I found this site from google in a drunken stupor as a cry for help I guess. I even used a fake name because I thought it was a little silly. I’ve been in a serious relationship for the last 8 years and one year later I still cannot shake my ex from my heart. I’ve accepted that I will probably think of him every day the rest of my life. I’ve never felt a love as true and deep as with him. But I am the one who left him. He made me feel small, unattractive, and boring. He was very self-absorbed. I know he truly loved me, but had social problems that held him back from showing me the care I really needed. Every day I feel such incredible guilt and even after 8 years of trying, I feel I should have done more. I feel I may have made the biggest mistake of my life. Reading this blog and all your user comments has made me feel so much better about this, it truly means so much.
Wow, reading these stories makes me feel like Im not alone. I was with my ex for 10 years. We broke up 1 and a half ago but continued to communicate. When we broke up he left the state. Im still so heart broken it aint funny. I just want to move on with my life but cant seem to. I asked him to stop calling and texting me but he still did and I was too weak to not answer back, I still love him dearly. Now he has a new girlfriend and told me I should just move on. I am crushed. I knew it was over but he still kept playing with my head. While we were togther I was the one who helped him get his life in order. I helped him get his license, get joint custody of his daughter and even helped him when he was out of work multiple times during our relationship. He was a drug addict. I didnt know in the beginning of our relationship, I found out 7 years in. Once I found out everything made so much more sense. I should have left then, but I loved him so I tried to help him as much as I could. He would be clean for a while and our relationship was great but when he would slip back, it would start to fall apart, that was the reason he left the state, to get cleaned and start over when he came back. He left for 4 months and came to visit me he got high again, so he went back saying he wasnt ready to be back home. One month later he broke up with me. He would say he was no good for me, that I deserved better, which I know was true, but I felt that he was my soulmate. If it wasn’t for his addiction, he would have been perfect. Every since we broke up he constantly keep calling me telling me he missed me and just didnt know if he could handle it back out in our state. He would text me all the time telling me he loved me and still missed me. For the whole time he was gone he would tell me things like that. Recently his calls and texts became very sparse. I would never call him because I felt that he left me so I didnt want him saying that it was me. I found out about his girlfriend and I ended up calling. It was true and he told me its been long enough and I should move on. I know its true but I can’t stop crying. He has been clean all this time and I wished that we would have gotten back together. I felt that he was stringing me along until something better came along and now he doesnt need me anymore. I feel so alone and hurt. I want to get past this but dont know where to begin.
i just recently kinda ended it with my boyfriend because i no longer feel interested in guys, i thought i’d be ok, he said he’d be there, but when i saw him the next day and he ignored me, i started to break down, i thought i could just work things out and then decide, but i can’t do that alone, i feel like he hates me now, i had to leave school early because i was so unstable, now, being emotionally unstable is actually not to uncommon for me, but i really started to regret ending it, i know i still love him, and i want him back, but i feel like i need to take this opportunity and explore my options, but i don’t feel like i can, this article made me start crying again, but it stopped me from sending him a message to ask him if we could be back together. In “During the relationship” i really got to thinking, i’ve wanted to be a boy for years now, but i’m with a boy who would never be with me if i was. another thing, it felt like we were just dating because everyone already thought we were, he kinda showed that he cared, but it just sorta felt…. just.. i guess not right. But to top it all off, i found out from my brother, who found out from his girlfriend, that he was always putting his arm around other girls like he did with me, and that, he just didn’t seem all that serious about me when i wasn’t there, after this, i started to feel like i just didn’t really matter to him, the only reason i’ve been able to get through this is because of one of my best friends, who is the one who helped me realize that being with a guy might not work out for me, she’s been there almost the whole time, and i feel safer telling her things than i ever would have telling him, i feel like she’s the only one who won’t judge me, while he always seemed unhappy with me, i have bad joints and i get sick easy and he always complained about it, it seemed like he was trying to joke, but it hurt me, i tried to get him to realize that but he just didn’t. i guess all i can do is try and figure myself out and see what happens from there, i wish it was easier to avoid him, but we usually see each other several times a day at school, we have a couple classes together, i skipped a whole day just to try and avoid him, guess i just have to see what happens, if anyone had good advice please help me out, only one person i know has gone though something like this, my uncle, but i don’t have a way to talk to him.
My ex and i broke up a little while ago. All the lies and deception is just too much to bear. He had a baby with another woman that we both knew. Getting over my pain and heatache is getting somewhat easier but its still hard seeing that i do still love him. They say time heals all wounds but i say it just gives you time to make new memories. I do thank you for this article though, it has made me see some things clearer than i had before. Im still trying to move on. 8 years is a long time to forget. What happens next.
Hi, I broke up with my partner yesterday, 3 years we were together, 3 years i though I could change him, 3 years I thought he could be what I want..but 3 years is just the time that I wasted loving him.. I am a firm believer in love and happily ever afters..this relationship knocked me down but I know I wont stay down and I want you all to know that neither will you..the pain is only temporary and God has a special plan for all of us, he loves you and he loves me. God has created a place for me and in that a man will find me and love me..and it can be the same for you all. Just trust in the lord. Remember Psalm 34 Vs 18 ‘The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit’ He can heal you, he can teach you to forgive, he can teach you to love and he will give you peace again.
I fell in love online. To a guy I’ve never really met. I knew him since 2011. He was in HS by that time while I was in Uni. Well, we’re both same age it’s just that in my country we only have till 6th grade. Anyway, by that time, we used to talk and skype a lot. We talk about our future together and stuff. We always skype, like as soon as he woke up, while eating, watching movie, we laugh together, fight and I even watch him take a shower and brush his teeth. Then something went wrong with me. I ended it because there’s no spark anymore. And I don’t know, I was so turned-off by him at that time. So I pushed him to delete me on bbm but it took month before he finally did it. Then 2012 came.. we still message each other on fb once in a while. Then he added me again on bbm, but I really don’t feel anything. So we lost communication again. But the odd thing is that, I always think of him whenever I’m feeling hot. Anyway, on the 1st week in January, I messaged him, and things were good at 1st. but he turned me off when he started dirty talking. It’s like.. it’s not him I’m talking to. So I told him to stop and I told him that he changed and I am so disappointed. But then, he showed me he’s soft side by telling me he was really happy he knew me. He was happy of what we had before. I was touched, so I let him into my life again. But things are really different now. He cannot tame me before in our previous relationship, but I don’t know what happened cuz I changed for him. He told me that after I went crazy and left him, he knew someone and they had a relationship for almost a year. But they didn’t have sex cuz he doesn’t want it to be an issue. He told me they waited but they broke up cuz the girl left school. But now they’re in the same Uni in Madrid, Spain. And he told me she’s a special friend but he won’t get back with her so I don’t have to worry. He also said that he tries to contact me every month last year, but fails (well in this case, because I switched to iphone). He admitted that he doesn’t love me. But he wants to try because he really wants it to work out with me. He said that he wants to take everything slow so we build a strong foundation and we’ll not gonna break up cuz of silly reasons. But I just cant feel him. I feel like I’m being used. Cuz most of the time we talk, we spend it by dirty talking. We send each other photo and we do cybersex. The thing is that, I’m a virgin. But in our relationship now, I showed him everything. I want to please him. I want him to enjoy. It was my choice. Most of the time he’s doing the reverse-psychology to me but I don’t care, I wanted it. I want him. The problem is that, now that I’m willing to give everything to him, he’s just not that into me anymore. I’m not an idiot, but when you’re in love, you will be. No matter how much you wanted to get away from it, you just can’t. This past week, I was so emotional so I send him a lot of messages telling him not to keep me. To let me go but I wanted it to come from him so I’ll have something to grudge on to. But he just won’t say it. And not talking to him for a day kills me. Its so hard because in one moth of getting back with him, I AM SO DEEPLY AND MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM already. I don’t know how to let go. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t. This is the 1st time I ever fell in love with someone so bad, that I even see him.. or wanted him to be my future. My friends told me its just online and when the time comes I met someone in real life.. Someone I could hold, I’ll just laugh with this. But I feel different! I feel like, when I lose him, it will take a very long time before I trust someone again. I know that what we had before I genuine. But im not sure of what we have now. He doesn’t have time for me. He cannot even approve my friend request on fb because he said I want stuff in there like being in a relationship and posting something on his wall.. its just sad to think that there’s a big possibility he’s keeping me cuz he wants me for play. Its obvious but I keep fighting my thoughts because I love him. I keep blinding myself with lies even its obvious he doesn’t care if I’m gone. Well maybe because he’s in a real world now. But even before we had a relationship last 2011, he dated some girls already. So I was thinking maybe he was just exploring. But I don’t know. My hopes are high. That if some people fall in love through online, why not me right? I want to be with him. I’m willing to sacrifice everything for him. everyday I’m hurting cuz I know he can’t do the same. He told me its hard because I’m just over fon. He said he’s falling but I can’t feel it. Hoe can he fall for me when we don’t usually talk cuz he’s too busy? He told me he wants us to be understanding and supportive. And I’m trying.. I know he have Uni and he’s also playing football since HS up to now in Uni. It’s so hard and hurt so much. He won’t even skype with me now, I don’t know why. And he said I’m being too pushy like when I wanted to skype I keep reminding him. And he also once said I’m pressuring the hell out of him. Every time we fight, I always say sorry. I’m always the one who says sorry. I always ask him if he really wants me, and he always says yes. But there was this time when I wanted it to end, he told me “if you want to leave, then leave”. But in the end he doesn’t want to look bad so when I told him he finally said it, he said “nothing came from him. I can do what I want”. I know I should let go, but I can’t, really. It hurts so much because what he was to me before is so different of what he is now. I’ve been crying every day because of him. I wish all the pain and love I feel for him will just go away so I can have my usual life back. He’s turned out to be someone I don’t know anymore. But the odd thing is that I still love him so much I cannot imagine my life without him.
I hope some of you can give me advice of what you think of my story? I know its bullsh*t, but please.. maybe through your comments and advice, I’ll realize something and wake up. Thank you.
This is a different situation..
I ahve a very musical heart,which my sister takes great delight in breaking…
Instead of acknowledging my talent& encouraging me to follow my heart…
She finds every horrible reason to discourage me & break my already fragile heart…
her reasons for discouragemnt range from It’s hard to start a band( which I already know) to our mothers heart breaking line “I don’t want any strangers in my house!”
whe she says that, she reminds me of our mother…
Why is she doing this to me<when she knows that seh's already on my shit list?
Does she know that I'm dying of a broken heart,because of her self fishnss?
My ex was an alcholic. I wanted him sober he couldn’t do it. I was lied to and manipulated through the whole relationship. I have so much anger now. But yes I still love him. One minute I want to hurt myself then I want to hurt him the next minute just run to find him so I can hold him again and be together. It’s awful
The thought of not being sad anymore scared me cuz I don’t want the attachment to end. If I am not sad. It will be real. He’ll be gone. I hate myself for wasting time in thus relationship and being so trustworthy
I broke up with my bf recently we were together for almost 2 years.He said that its not because of me that he have so many problems in his life that he has to sort things out and ask to take a break for a while and that he ask for my understanding..One of his friend told me that he’s like not in the mood to talk and be with his friends also I feel sad for him I use to pray for him but the main thing is that when I saw him on Facebook with his friends he didn’t seem unhappy there is one girl in there University which he called her a friend but I think they are more than a friend I can’t do anything because we are in a distance relationship…So,from now on I think I really need to move on.
I was married to a Man for 19 years, I moved out and got a divorce and as year later I moved back in for 11 more years. Through our marriage and living together years, which was 32 years total, he stepped out on me 4 or 5 times that I know of. I was faithful and thought that he was my “Soul-Mate”, he was the only man that I truly loved, even with all the cheating that went on. Through this time, I also left him 6 or 7 times. He was mentally abusive with me and my 3 kids, but out of desperation and not having family or friends to help me when I would get out on my own, I would always go back. I helped him get back on his feet after he had went broke 3 times, he was a cattle trader, he eventually bought a Gas Service Station and Semi-truck business, and we had a Dairy. I always thought that I could change him and had faith that he would become a better person, but it never happened. Also, through all of this time, he would constantly look around at other women. He also would go around the neighborhood, restaurants, stores, etc. and there was always a woman that needed help, money, etc. he always had 4 or 5 women that he would check on and said it was “innocent!” I don’t know why I stayed so long, by the time I finally got out I was so depressed and felt like I had lost my identity. I found this site and I am continually on it to try to heal and get my life back. I get sick when I think about dating again, but I know that someday it will happen. Best of luck to everyone that is trying to heal from a breakup whether it was short time or if you were in it for many years like I was.
This one is for Neil, I hope you get to read this, but I do understand you so much. Love like death comes uninvited, doesn’t it? So please don’t beat yourself up, I”m so proud that you were able to let him go though because believe me Neil, you’ll only prolong the hurting process in the long run, please trust me on this one, I’m looking to purchase the 15 step to heal program as I think it’s going to change my lie, but listen, none of us have the right to judge you! Please believe me, by breaking away from your love, and standing your ground, you’ll earn the greatest respect from that man, trust me, please trust me, and one day he’ll suffer great consequences from hurting innocent people
Hello everyone,
I wanted to thank you all for being brave to write about your situations. It’s really helping me at the moment. I have a very broken heart at the moment and I just feel like I”ve lost my soul mate or my true love. To be honest, there were red flags right from the beginning of the relationship where he was highly insecure and jealous to the point where after 2 and a half years, i withdrew from a lot of my friends and I gave up using facebook to make him feel secure and to trust in my love. He lives overseas so i’ve made 3 visits to him including staying with him for 1 year so that eventually I could apply for him to stay with me in my home country. I did the unforgiveable and actually even left my 3 kids so that I could live with him in his country too, but i missed my children so much so it was already a bad start to our living together arrangement in his country as I was so depressed and missing our children, and of course I had real problems adjusting to culture and the language barrier was there with his family. His father didn’t accept me so we had to live in our place. Cut a long story short, I had to return home to my children and leave him behind but in the process he ended up resenting me for leaving him behind but I was dead set in fighting to bring him over to be with me and my children. He was my best friend and we skyped almost everyday and worked well together on our online business ventures but suddenly a few weeks ago, he starting withdrawing not responding sms’s, or sending a lot fewer sms’s, hardly skyping me. We’d have fights because I became insecure and scared from his behaviours and it turned out over time and he told me that he had become close to his parents again and become emotionally attached to them. But the worst thing was that his parents wanted him to get married to a girl from their culture and my true love wanted me still as his first wife. I told him in clear terms that i couldn’t accept sharing him and that whilst I understood his situation being from a different culture and what not, he had to make a decision. He still insists that marrying a girl from his culture is the only possibility for his parents to be taken care of as he’s the only son. I feel very rejected, hurt that he’d choose his parents over me and finally that I feel that i’m not respected
Im not sure where my relationship fell apart. We have been close to breaking up so many times, but it seems when it was about to happen, she would reel me back in her life, and everything would be good, then something goes wrong and we are about to let go, and somehow i get reeled back in. Like a vicious cycle. I think I had given alot to the relationship and felt that I wasn’t given back anything. I felt disrespected at times.
I have had the red flags, for example, I only got the “I love you’s”, either when I took her out, or bought her something, and after a while I could see the pattern.
Sometimes whenever I was alone, I would recite what I wanted say, what was in my heart, but often backed out because I though I was in the wrong and I should just let it go, that it wasn’t worth it. I’m not the kind of guy gives up on anything, I thought I could fix it somehow. But quite clear, a futile attempt.
The last time she had told me that she wanted to end it, that kept me up all night, I didn’t sleep at all. Around 5:48 in the morning, i decided to email her and let her know basically that it was best for both to let go, I even went as far to write her a poetry piece (what a looser..lol) about letting go. But somehow she reeled me back in. See the pattern?? I saw it and chose to ignore it because my heart thought it was worth it. But was it really?
The latest incident: I had called her as i normally would in the morning, and I offered breakfast which she agree, I went over her house to bring it, she asked me to turn her car on because it was cold out this day and I did close the car, and I dont know how it happened but somehow the doors locked with the car on and keys inside. I know she was upset about it because she was running late for work, I offered to help somehow, give her a ride to work, I dont know, I just felt badly about the situation, she just told me to go home. So I did, feeling horribly. But ever since that day, I try to make peace with her and she would ignore my phone calls. I let it go to let cool off for a couple of days and maybe I could talk with her about it. The Next time, I called her a couple of times and was ignored, I went to her house bringing coffee, rang the bell a few times and she wouldn’t answer the door. So I waited, for her to come to her car, which i thought that was pushing it, when I saw her I stepped out of my car with coffee in hand, and all she said was go home turn her car on and sped off. Leaving me there dumbfounded. Not even a word, not a call, text, nothing. that hurts.
You know now that I got it out, I feel better..lol.. But anyways, I think this time there is no turning back. It hurts, but what can a man do, but take it, and move on right?
Hi, my boyfriend and I have officially broken up this week. I don’t want to, for the sake of our 6 month old baby but my heart can’t take any more hurt. What should I do? I want to have a happy family for the baby’s sake. I’ve been trying to reconcile and make our relationship work but he has constantly been ignoring. When I told him I wanted to break loose, he said it’s okay. What to do? Help? How do i cope, since we’ll still be seeing each other a lot because of our baby..
It’s been 18 years since we split. He was my first love. We were together for 8 years and I will never forget him. I still think about him everyday. We were engaged and planning our wedding. He cheated on me – I thought we were happy. I had no idea that he wasn’t happy. He married the woman he had the affair with and they now have a baby. He lives in a different city but I found him on FB. I also married and have a child. I want to contact him again – surely he hasn’t forgotten me. I wonder all the time if he thinks about me. I must be crazy. I have a good life, I love my husband. But I just want to see him again. Don’t expect to get over your first real true love. I will love him until I die.
I truly thought I was alone with this thing called heartbreak, but the fact is I’m not. I was in a relationship for the first time in 10 years everything was wonderful. I thought I had found my true love/soulmate I couldn’t ask for anything more. Then out of nowhere things changed overnight broken promises started, no phone calls, no return text and everytime I brought this up I was made to seem like I was imagining things. We were only together for a year but the end result was he seperated from his wife and once she found out he was dating she wanted him back. I had no idea he was even married let alone seperated. I’m glad I found this website because I have truly realized somethings that I did not see before its not the breakup thats tearing me apart its the lonliness because I’ve shut relationships out of my life for so long and once I gave it a chance it did not work.
thank you very much this really helped
I’m glad I came across this website, it’s been a year now since my ex left me, I made some mistakes, but who doesn’t? I been out on dates but I still miss her, part of me knows I have to move on and the other is a push over. The thing is I knew relationships are hard work, Even when u talk to older couples u realize u still have selfishness in our ways, it takes practice and I have to remember life is about change and to know that God doesnt make mistakes! He is always near even when we feel pain. 2 Corinthains 12:8-10.
Wow where do I begin!Thank you to all those who have shared their stories!!
This is my very first heartbreak that I have ever had – a bit of a crazy one too. I met my friend 3 years ago when we were at uni and both needed a flat to stay at. We got on like a house on fire right from the beginning and over the years built up an awesome emotional friendship that at one stage (drunkingly) turned into a night of relationship during the first year. We put this down to being ‘drunken fun’ but for me it started a new feeling for them that I hadn’t ever felt before or could explain – I was so confused. We continued to remain the best of friends and were relying on each other heavily for emotional support, they were my best friend just as I was their best friend. Throughout our friendship I pushed these feelings aside and kept them in check. Until this year where as confused as I was, my feelings grew and grew until recently I couldn’t contain them anymore, I was fully in love with them – but my friend had began flirting and hanging out with someone else. My stomach just dropped and my jealousy began to take over. The awesome times that we had once had were turning into times of fights, especially when their new friend was around. I didn’t want to lose them but I felt I had this overwhelming feeling to finally just clear the air as my love, jealousy, anxiety and pain was breaking our friendship. I ummed and ahhed for quite sometime till one night drunkingly (silly silly move) I told them how I was feeling. They were shocked, overwhelmed, cried but listened to me. They also told me didn’t feel the same way as I did, my heart stopped. But the worst part is that very same night we spent the night together, so my confusion was at an all time high – what the hell was going on??they just said that they didn’t have feelings for me but yet they would stay with me??I don’t know what to do??The worst part is I think it would devastate me to lose my best friend, for the past 3 years they have been an important factor in every aspect of my life, I cherish them. But my pain is just so great at the moment that I can barely function. I want to be able to get rid of these feelings so that I can concentrate on getting our friendship back on track. I just feel like an idiot like how could I have read all of those signs wrong? But also what is so wrong with me that they don’t love me back? I would appreciate any help anyone can give me…Thank you for reading this
I was with my ex for almost 6 years. He was my first everything and I loved him dearly. However, for the past 3 years, we’ve broken up 4 times and each time it was because he didn’t care about the relationship anymore or he wanted to see what else is out there or he didn’t want to try anymore. This time he said he didn’t love me anymore. It hurts, but I should have seen it coming 3 years ago because that was probably when he stopped. Maybe due to fear of being alone that made us get back together or me hoping that each time it would be different, but he said he doesn’t see a future with me. I’m heartbroken. I moved to a city that I hated to be with him and we were living together. So when we broke up this last time, I left my new job, packed what I could fit in my car, and left the city that I hated for good. That was the only way that I could get away from him and this breaking up and getting back together again circle. I don’t think I can go through it again with him. I told myself that the next time my heart breaks, it would be with someone else because I’m too tired to go through it with the same person. It hurts to just leave like that, but being in a new environment and around people that I love and living in a city that I love actually helps with the healing. I’m not running away because I’m dealing with the pain and sadness, but I’m also getting out there and try to start my life over again. I’m trying to find a new job and meet new people and do things that I love. I just wish that sometimes I still don’t feel that pain, but I know with time, the pain will go away and then I can fully move on.
i have a very weak marriage and got involved with a man 10 years younger while working overseas. He is one in a million. The sweetest guy i have every known. I am her princess. He never changed from day 1 and last January is our 6th year. We are madly in love (always in hiding) but we know it is temporary because i have a family to go home to. We are the best of friends.He might be younger but is very mature. He is the wind beneath my wings, my source of strength.We never had no serious arguments.Almost a perfect relationship. In most cases, i would advise him to go start looking for a more deserving person and build a family of his own, but he sticked by me. He said he doesnt care if he stayed single although at times he would dream of having children which of course I can not provide. He said time will tell if we ought to separate ways. Day by day , our love for each other just grew deeper and yet uncertain. Before i went for vacation in December, i advised him to try to meet friends while i am away. He is so into me that he seldom goes out. For him, I am his world.When i returned few days back, he opened up and said somebody had hooked him up with a nice young lady (nobody knew he has me). He wanted to hear my consent. He had started to like her and would want to get to know her better.I didn’t react negatively. I said he should give it a try. It was very painful. He is also in pain because he knew he will eventually lose me. He said part of him wanted to take this chance and part of him doesnt want to let me go. We decided to split up so he wont have the guilt if they start going out. From that day up to this very moment, I havent stopped crying. I love him so much that I am giving him up so he could find a better person who would hopefully be his lifetime partner. He still wants me to be his best friend and help him work things out. What a sacrifice on my part and it is breaking my heart into pieces. I do not even have somebody to talk to because none of my friends knew about this. I would not beg him to be back. I am just praying that we could handle this pain and that he finds the right girl who would love and take care of him as much as i did. I have had the best kind of love a woman would have ever dreamed of.
some sad stories guys!.. its heartbreaking reading through them and i bet we all found this website by simply googling something like “i’m missing my ex, what do i do”.
Well, i’ve just split from my partner, only in my case its slightly different… Being gay brings its own baggage!
my Ex is still married, the reason i decided to split was because for selfish reasons of my own, i fell in love with him knowing fully well he had a wife, 2 long years later the guilt inside me was eating at my soul, i don’t want to be a home wrecker and i certainly dont deserve to be a part time lover.
in my defence, i have to say that the wife found out he was seeing guys and she turned a blind eye!, i guess thats her choice if she wants to live a lie.
Christmas was a tough time, as are birthdays and holiday times… my advice to anybody out there thinking of starting an affair with a married person…. just don’t even go there!, you’re setting yourself up for heartache and tears, nights on your own, staring at the phone and wishing they would call or text…. they never do.
Funny thing is, when i ended this affair just 2 days ago, he was shocked that i could just end it like that… “after all we had been through and done together”… i quickly reminded him that i was the single guy and he was the married man… should you not be telling you’re wife what you just said to me.
i won’t lie, its been just over a week since i last saw him, not long i know… but already i miss him like crazy and for what reason i’m not sure… the fact he told me he loved me perhaps? could of been lies and probably was, but it was nice to be told anyway.
then theres the cheating, boy did he cheat on me, why i could’nt just dump him there and then i dont know, but a smooth talker he was… (of course it was’nt really me he was cheating on, it was his wife)
i put up with so my grief from my ex, the bad outnumbered the good a hundred times over.
my story is a complicated mess of an affair and i never want to get involved in anything like that ever again, but it still does’nt stop me missing him and yearning for him.
Now i know a lot of people out there will say i’m the bad guy here, i knew he was married etc etc… sadly we cant help who we fall in love with and the real pain behind all this is that i have to face the prospect of never seeing him again, grieving over somebody that was’nt really mine in the first place.
I wish everybody in a similar position the very best of luck and i hope you all find health and happiness.
Hi, i’m 19. my 6 year relationship with my bf has just ended. even before this incident, we have broken up so many times and we will just eventually be okay again. but i guess that was the reason why we ended up with much issues since all of the previous ones has just piled up. every time we break up we just forget we did and get back together, what’s dysfunctional about it is that we keep on having the same arguments over and over again and we never move on from that and then when a new issue pops out it just goes to the unresolved pile.
we have totally different reasons why we broke up. The last straw was the night that he stood me up. we went to different parties and he was supposed to pick me up but instead of doing so, he made me wait for an hour and just when i have decided to go home on my own, he then calls and tells me to wait for him and meet him at this certain place. i said no since im already on the block home and when i decided to forgive him, i called periodically for about 2 hours and he doesnt answer. i fell asleep trying to reach him and even the day after, all day long i have called and called and still no answer and when he finally answers he says he was asleep the whole day and he couldnt hear the ring.
and even after that we still made up but then at the night of the passing of my uncle, the night of our monthsary i discovered that he was cheating on me with his co worker or as he calls her, his best friend. i felt so cheated and betrayed. all those signs that showed up before that were so obvious and i just ignored, all of them popped in my mind one by one, proving all suspicions. those times that he was busy texting and chatting his “friends” even in the middle of the night, those times he was busy texting someone while he was with me, those times that he felt so cold. i can’t explain how hurt i was. my friends already told me that cheating was a possibility, but that never came up in mind because i never ever really believed that he was capable of such a thing.
you know that feeling when you think so high of someone and you really believed the good in them and that they will never do such things to you, and then one day, all you’ve thought about that person, all the things you thought he would never do, he did it all at once. see, he has a history of cheating. he already did that to his ex. but you know the saying: once was a cheater, always will be a cheater” i never believed in that. i thought so high of him and then when the discovery happened, it’s like i no longer know who this person is. i was so disappointed.
but still after that we told each other that whatever should happen will happen. we agreed that we should break up and then take things slow. yes i did believe that there’s still hope for us. i never wanted him to tell that girl that we broke up because of her. i dont want any fights. he took this as an advantage, so that the girl would never know she was the reason. if you knew that you were the reason of a break up would you be okay with that? of course not, you wouldnt want to be the cause of any seperation right? all the more if you dont really like that person that much. it turns out the official break up was what he really wanted so that he can be together with this girl.
you see, what really angers me is the fact that he looked so sad and broken when we decided to broke up but really, he was relieved since without our title as bf and gf he can finally pursue that girl. IT WASNT EVEN A MONTH WHEN WE BROKE UP. what makes me hate him the most was that he made me believe that we were still taking it slow and working things out since we never stopped texting. he would call me every night and tell me that he misses me. he would say i love you and tell me that he really wants us to be together again but we still need more time. the f***** made me believe that he was sincere in wanting everything to be back where it was.
i asked him if he was courting someone and then he told me that yes, that very same girl. HE WAS FLIRTING WITH THAT GIRL WHILE HE WAS STILL KISSING ME! the nerve!!! okay i know this is my fault, i know this is sad but we still go out even though we decided to broke up, but i was holding on to the promise that we will sort things out. and now the girl thinks that its okay for them to be together since were already broken up but she doesnt know that she was part of the reason!!!! i’m really not mad at her, i just feel bad that she doesn’t know that this guy was pursuing her while he was still trying to patch things up with me.
now he chose her over me. he told me that he was only scared to be with me again, he was afraid that i we go back together, we’re gonna get back to that ugly relationship that we had, once that was perfect that had become so polluted with fights, break ups, misunderstandings and such. damn. it even backfired and now he’s telling me i was the reason why he fell in love with another girl, because she’s so different from
me.
i really hate that he posts stuff in his facebook like: “just one smile from you can make my day” and what made me cry was the one that was posted just a few days ago, before i even discovered he was two timing me with that girl. It said, “if you love that person you are willing to do everything even it means waiting”. he tells me that she was just a crush, a past time, and now he’s her love? come on.
im trying to be mature, i really dont know what to do. i want to talk to that girl and tell him what he’s doing to her and to me, but when i think of doing it, i ask myself what would it benefit me? i know that revenge is not what i want because i strongly believe that karma’s a b****. but i dont know. the last thing i told him was that i wish he can find happiness with that girl, but right now, i’m really really scared that he really will be happy and i’ll be stuck here still victimizing myself from the pain. dang now i’m sucked into self pity. Ive been used just because he still knows i love him. My only prayer and wish is for me to move on, to stop from hurting and for all o this to stop from ruining my life. I’m lost, 6 years is not just something, he has been the 1/3 of my life. i really hope that i can get over this soon.
Joanna….8.1.2013…..10.33 pm
Its been a week that me and my boyfriend broke up.Actually you can say that he dumped me,we were together for 2 and a half years,i was with him in his tough times,helped him financially,stayed with him when there was no one with him,supported him emotionally,when he got a nice job,and when i needed his help,he started ignoring me,started fighting on small issues,and a week ago,he told me,that he is going around a girl,and he wants to marry her,and she is better than me,i found him with the same girl in his apartment,but he was not shocked,he behaved in a normal way,it did not bother him much,he cheated on me,I was in so much shock that even tried to kill myself,but i think it would go waste.I deserve to live and to happy.I wish i could ever forget him,m not able to be happy,concentrate on my work,
My Bf of3years and 7mos. call it quits llast jan.3 2013. I was caught by surprise as i did not read any red signals that one of us is discontent. He said there was no connections anymore. I did not expect tha. I have and stillg rieving from the death of my sister last Sept. 2012. She affcted me so much that i kept unloading it to him.We arenot living together, we are just seriously dating and we are in our 50′s. I was so secure with my feeling to him. He was there when I needed him and never been demanding. He always take me to concerts, dines, socil party and travels. I always contributed in nay ways I can as I don’t want to abuse his generosity. Then suddenly he called it quits without given thoughts. On our first year of dating i did not understand him a lot. it was hard to go through him so i said let’s call it quits while early. I have not yet done mourning for my sister’s death and here he is calling it quits. So, mean.Why?
I am currently going through something that shouldn’t be as traumatic as it is. The problem is that I’ve been single for so long (4+ years) and haven’t let anyone into my life on a real level until recently. He had been flirting with my for over a year, and I finally gave in our of boredom. He won me over on our first date, and I fell pretty hard. Things were going well for a couple of months until suddenly he only wanted to see me during work hours. And the more I pushed to spend real time together, the further he pushed back. It’s been about a week since we made plans and he doesn’t return my texts, so I’ve stopped trying to reach him. This isn’t a sob-fest – but I think it’s a reminder that when your instincts tell you to stay away from someone, you probably ought to. Additionally, it isn’t healthy to remain single so long out of fear. And lastly, patience is a virtue – but also knowing what you want and being honest about that is important, as well. When red flags go up, talk about it. If they continue, it’s probably just not a right fit. I’ve been agonizing about what I did wrong these last two days, but after reading this I’ve realized it wasn’t right to begin with – no matter how my heart feels about it. This post helped. Thank you.
My heart was broken over and over by my ex. The sad part is that he blames me for everything. He has a major cocaine and alcohol problem. I thought that I could help him and stayed with him. I know we only been together for 6 months but we fell in love hard. We moved in together after 2 months. I thought he was the guy of my dreams. We had our kids names picked out and planned our life together. We got each other. I’m not going to lie I use to have a few bumps and drinks with him but after a month I was pretty done with it. I think its ok to have fun but not on an everyday basis. I didn’t know when we got together that he use to have a major problem with cocaine. The more he used cocaine the more he drank. He turned into a complete asshole when he was on both. I use to just stare at him sometimes and tell him to look in the mirror and look at himself and say “do you see how fuck up you look”. He will apologize and say he’s sorry and that he’ll stop. Each time I believe him but I knew deep down inside that he wasn’t going to change. I changed my whole life to be with him and to me he never apreciated it. I’m the girl that most men would love to be with. I’m sweet as pie and I think he took advantage of that. He played on my kindness. He was not only irritable but extremely mean to me when he was doing ok. I use to tell him that he was verbally abusive. He put his hands on me a few times. I was ashame to tell anyone because I’m not the one to put up with something like that. Of course he cried and said he’s sorry and that I was his world but he ended up doing it again. I’m teary eyed just typing this. I just remember the guy I met when we first started dating. Towards the end of the relationship he stop having sex with me because he didn’t have a sex drive. That is the most unattractive I ever felt in my whole life. I keep asking myself why I’m I heartbroken over a guy who obviously didn’t love me. He love the drugs and alcohol over me and our dog. I want this pain to go away. I’ve been working out like crazy and throwing myself into my work. Some days I just don’t want to get up. I feel so worthless.
My boyfriend of 2 years well we recently broke up and he has told me that loved me the first time we met eyes in school , throughout all of these years i have ignored his love and i fell completely madly in love with him he was my everything . He was perfect untill he started fading away wouldnt talk to me as much, make up stupid fights and turn everything on me . Never would say I love you anymore and treated me badly , i knew he was hurting me and i deserve better but my heart said stay things will turn out better and you will be together forever , thats what i hoped but didnt happen. He was looking at other girls and said he was single when were still dating i knew this was happening but didnt want to believe it . He called me a few names and started flirtig with my bestfriend and i broke up with him. Broke down. Felt like i wasnt important or needed in this world anymore. I asked him how he could just forget everything we have been through and how much we have done together and experienced , i asked him if he meant it when he said he loved me he ended the conversation with saying “let me say this slowly WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER!” After writing i realized how much of a asshole i have been dating i still love him for some reason , forgave him i dont why in hell i did . But he didnt deserve to be forgaven . Now i feel like im over it but whenever i see him i wished we still had what we did …
I just want to say THANK YOU! I was referred to your website by my wife, believe it or not. I looked you up and took your survey. Although my situation is different in many ways I took my of your counsel and have applied it to my life and current situation. I am feeling somewhat better. I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel but know there will be sometime soon. The drastic swings of emotions have since reduced. I don’t know if it is becuase of some medication I have been put on or following your counsel. I enjoy reading your messages as they give me strength and hope that I can find happiness and possibly even love again.
Thank you for your emails, counsel and hope for happiness.
Lost & Confused
Vic
Thanks for this article. I need to continue to work on my thinking and get over that I got rid of mr. right.
I am lost and broken. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We started to live together after a month of dating. Over time he became my best friend and my whole life revolved aroung us and our home. We lived as a married couple and my children loved him. Over time he bacame mean and angry all the time. I was never fond of his mother, being an addict and drunk, but I was civil to her for him. My boyfriend is also an addict and has relasped 2 times in the past 5 years and has just admited that both times he relapsed he cheated on me. He swears they didnt mean nothing and that is all it was, was sex, he was high. We still talk and I beg him to come home and then I feel so stupid for begging him. Why am I begging him? He did this, not me. He should be doing the begging. But I always answer fearing that it will be the last time I hear his voice. It has now been alsmost 2 weeks since I have seen him, but still I answer his calls. My friends tell me to stop answering his calls and text all together but he is my best friend. I know that if he really did want me and need me he would come home. He knows where to find me. I’m so broken. I miss him (heart), wait, no I dont i’ll be ok (mind). I feel so lost and broken. I cry all the time and wake up at night sad and wishing this was all a bad dream. Then I wonder if I could ever trust him again. I have been through breakups before but Josh was so into me. I just never thought he could be with anyone else. I’m so sad yet so mad that I have let this go on this long. What do I do?
ive recently just had my heart broken i was with my ex for almost 2 and a half years we had our ups and downs but despite it all i felt that our love was real so i thought, we ran into each other after 3 months apart the passion, madness and love was all still there things happened long story short i thought lets give it another try its obvious i went with my heart knowing she had moved on and was seeing someone i still went with my heart and now im paying for this bad choice i made she broke it once again things got ugly we fought i just feel so much pain anger resentment its just hard to have to deal with this again i just dont know what to do with myself now not much i can do but to move on i guess
I’m going to think you for a way of healing! My heart has been broken twice with this man that I love, who I haven’t been with for 3 years from 2009 till July 27-2012. I’m a Christian woman who made a bad choice to give my love again and deal with lies that I sense in me that it wasn’t right. Yes the heart can be misguided and the mind is what we must act on in making good decision from what I pick up from reading information. I would love to have help writing about knowing the truth and refuse a lie! Thanks again for helping me to get through the pain.
It is so inspiring to read how other people had started over after a break-up. I am in the same situation and I just want to cry. We have been together for almost two years but even the time we were together were full of heart ache and tears. He says he loves me but his actions is showing just the opposite. He never had time for me and in all this time together not once bought me a chocolate!! I just felt that I should hold on cause than I won’t be alone and miserable. But being with him pained me much much more. It’s now almost 3 weeks that he is not talking with me and not even answering my calls or sms’s. I have finally realized it is over and have started to move on but it is so difficult as the bond is still there. I know it will hurt much but I wished he could just tell me at least it is over to enable me to move on and forget about us. Everyday is a struggle and I even have suicide thoughts. But trusting and believing in God kept me sane and have given me the strength and courage to take just one day at a time. Every morning it is so difficult to wake up and get ready for work but it is getting better. This morning i sended him flowers just saying i am sorry and i hope he can forgive me for whatever i did to make him this angry. A few hours later and he has not even acknowledged that he got the flowers. I feel bad but I had to get that done with. Up until the end I tried and still he showed he is not interested. At least now I can move on and try to rebuild my life from where it has stopped. With each tear that I shed my heart is getting lighter and I know I will be free from this depressing state I am in now. I just want to give myself time to heal and get over this. To everyone out there sharing their stories here may the Almighty lift you up out of your pain and tears and renew you from the inside out. May He bless you with that special someone to take care of you and just love you for who you are. We all deserve to be loved and treated right. May your days of sadness get shorter and open your eyes to see the people around you who care for you. Know that we will get through all the pain and tears and sadness even if it will take us some time to do that.
Dear Brokenangel,
My response appears months after your original post but I hope it will get to you.
I read your story with disbelieve and tears in my eyes. It is beyond comprehension and as I read I could not help but think of a story a friend of mine who works in publishing once told me. It illustrates how life plays us, fools.
A young writer submits a draft of her novel to her publisher. The story is based on her life and experience. Failed marriage, personal tragedies. It is what she really experienced. After reading it, her publisher contacts the writer to tell her that yes, the story is interesting but she needs to make adjustments to make the story more realistic. It is simply impossible one person went through that much. Not realistic. Cannot happen. Too much. Adjust, adjust, adjust.
You must make a decision to put your past behind. Just for a day. One day, just today you will move on. I know you can do it. It is just a quick 24 hours. A blink of an eye.
It is not easy, I know. I have been going through a heart break myself. It has been hell. But we can get to the other side. Maybe it is trivial but so true: life is beautiful. People come and go. If they do not care to stay – …. them!