Change Has Come a Knockin’ – Let Her In and Embrace Her

changeI was once told that if you are not on the right path in your life (job, marriage, etc.), the universe will tap you on the shoulder. This tap is received in the form of clues like your boss being difficult or fighting with your mate. If you ignore the tap on the shoulder, you will receive an even stronger nudge such as warnings about your job performance or a betrayal in the relationship. If you continue to ignore the messages, you’ll eventually get a kick in the gut.

Your heart being broken is a kick in the gut. It is painful and unwelcome, but the universe is telling you it has a different plan for you – another life experience for you to embrace. At this point, your instincts may tell you that you are not ready to read this article. I think you should. This post is about change.

I want to explain to you how to embrace the current change in your life. If you pick up any book, visit any site, or talk to any relationship expert about getting over break up, change is generally the last step offered, if at all. Stages like denial, anger, tears, blame, bargaining, and realization are addressed first. However, if you set your sight towards the change to come early in the process (now), you will open yourself up to the healing process.

Let’s begin with any indications that you had that your relationship was not working. For those of you who were taken by complete surprise or found the break up to be a shock - please dig deep. Discontent in a relationship, even from one side, leaves clues. Think of the reasons he or she gave you, reflect on changes such as distance or varied behavior, and try to answer the questions below.

  • What clues did you have that your relationship wasn’t working?
  • Why does this break up – this change – seem so difficult?
  • What are your greatest fears after the break up?

Making major life modifications can be grueling. Breaking up is an especially thorny path as you may long for what you once had and endure the challenge of loneliness. Yet, all the adversity associated with change is simply different variations of one thing: fear. There is the fear you will not meet someone else, that you may never love again, of going home to an empty house, of how you will feel if he or she starts dating someone else, of raising kids on your own and many more. Start addressing your fears by writing them down. In this, you can begin to overcome them.

Next, start making small physical changes. Has anyone ever told you to move your furniture around or get a hair cut after a break up? This advice may have seemed ineffectual at the time, yet making these small adjustments elevates your acceptance towards change. Change takes practice. If you mix up little things in your life, making other transformations becomes easier. In fact, making changes can even take on a healthy momentum. Start small – move a piece of furniture, highlight your hair, get new sheets for the bed. If this seems challenging, start smaller. Stand in the mirror and say, “I going through a life transformation and I was born with the inner strength to get through this.”

  • What small change can you make today?

Finally, let’s look at past history of change in your life. The purpose of this is to show you that changes you have feared in the past have often ended in a soft landing. In fact, many times life changes produce an opportunity for something better. Think of a time you’ve had to make a change that scared you. Some examples are starting at a new school, changing a job, moving to another city, having a child, or even a past break up. Think of that past situation and answer the questions below.

Questions about past change:

  • What was a past change in your life that you initially feared?
  • How did you anticipate that change would affect your life?
  • What was the greatest thing you feared about that change?
  • After you made the change, how long did it take you to adjust?
  • What benefit has that change had in your life?
  • If you could go back, what would you have told yourself to quell your initial fears?

Believe it or not, by reading this post and answering these questions, you have already begun to embrace your change. If you are hurting from your break up, check out the Step to Heal program. Many have found this to truly have helped them through this difficult time.

Tags: , ,

6 Responses to “Change Has Come a Knockin’ – Let Her In and Embrace Her”

  1. JJ June 22, 2010 at 9:25 am #

    Yes, this article really resonates with me. There were so many red flags in my relationship that I ignored until the whole thing blew up. I guess those red flags were my nudges.

  2. Laur June 14, 2010 at 10:30 am #

    I thought I was the only one who had the tap, the nudge, and finally the kick. How funny it is that people from all corners of the Earth feel this at one point or another – it really makes me think AND believe that we really are all destined and fated to do certain things and when we go “off path” the universe has no choice but to direct us back. However, I do believe that these hints (usually felt in the gut – for me at least!) are for our own good and that the relationship we were in that caused the eventual red flags to pop was also a fated relationship. At least in my case it was. Do you ever feel like somethings really are pre-determined for whatever reason? In my last relationship I believe I was being tested. I was gived the nudge the tap the kick in the stomach several times but I never listened. I believe I was meant to learn something a year into the relationship or less not 3 years. Either way I was scared to end it because I was truly blinded by love but it did end and I WISH I had listened to my spiritual guides who I truly believe were trying to talk to me.

  3. Lily June 13, 2010 at 11:55 pm #

    Yes, change is so difficult to accept – but we have to for our own benefit. There are reasons why things happened. We just have to wait for the right time to know the reason. Time heals.

  4. Denise June 13, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    Thanks guys…I am starting to feel a bit better already!….it’s sooo hard…i just want all to work out for the best for me and our daughter….her dad did me wrong (i did some wrong too)…but i cant wait for the day that i will be thanking him for “delivering” me!…The worst feeling is not knowing why you were dumped!…but i’ll be ok some sweet day! Asking the Lord to give me the serenity to accept the things, that I cannot change!

  5. Tom June 12, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    I think that’s it. Change is the hardest thing to come over. In love, think you’re gonna be with this person forever, and then like you say, come and get a kick in the gut. It’s all true, so many warnings, yet i was so madly in love i ignore them all and payed the price. Luckily for me now, in the last few days i’ve started to cheer up. Looking forward to starting college in september, and all the new girls. Still hurts, still think about this girl everyday, still love her i suppose, but i’ve finally realised it’s time to move on. fuck love. anyone reading this, dont fall in love too young!! that’s the main lesson i’ve learned. Fell in love with someone who liked me alot, just didn’t love me. Enjoy your life while you’re still young, instead of chasing that one person, cause 9 times out of 10, they won’t be worth it, as i found out the hard way.
    Final thing, us with a broken heart, it’ll make us stronger, so it’s sorta like a blessing in disguise. we’ll be the ones laughing soon enough, when the tables turn and the ones we were in love with start to feel bad and realise what they’re missing. That’s the stage i think i’m reaching now, so don’t give up. heartbreak absolutely tears you up, but it will get better. trust, it won’t help me saying it, but it does. i know it never seems like it will get better, cause you cant see yourself getting over this person, but i was the same, didn’t believe anyone. 2 months down the line i’m here and starting to heal for good. believe it, you’l heal in time and start looking forward to the future again. everyone’s life is like a plan as they say, enjoy it. ‘no-one is worth your tears, and the person who is wont make you cry!’ yooooooo essay!

  6. Travis June 12, 2010 at 12:13 pm #

    the thought of the changes to come are what haunt me. i’ve been avoiding them, but i am going to try to face them…i know i’m only delaying the process.

Leave a Reply