In Love and Heartbreak, Age Matters

dreams

For someone who writes about relationships, it is pretty risky to make the statement that age matters; however, I believe in speaking the truth. I also believe in voicing the concerns of the those that visit this site. From this vantage point and with respect to love and heartbreak, age definitely matters.

Here is the reason why: we each have a grand plan for our life based on age. It goes something like this:

•    In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
•    In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
•    By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
•    In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
•    In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
•    In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
•    In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.

Sound familiar? Give or take a few years and interchange a couple of details and these types of age confined dreams are quite universal. So what happens when things don’t go as expected? What happens when instead of two kids in our thirties, we end up with our heart in two pieces? We feel broken; not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception.

It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater agony, is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.

Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste of aging. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.

Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.

Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.

Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.

Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.

Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.

Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.

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581 thoughts on “In Love and Heartbreak, Age Matters”

  1. I was with my love for two years. Three weeks ago we had a little argument and he told me it was over that he stopped loving me like 3 months back.I sad and heartbroken but I just have to move on ..so keep on moving on it will help.

  2. I am 52 and recently arrived at the point that I had to tell my girlfriend that she was too nice to say it, so I would. It had to come to an end. That said, I am madly in love with her and gave her my heart completely! We dated about 8 months and got along so great, we traveled and did things together and it was always great, no fuss or trouble…she had recently come out of a 2nd marriage and said she is just not in the same place as I. Its killing me, the texts stopped coming less and less, the phone calls were few and fare between…before saying goodbye I told her how much I loved her and would die for her, and I would. As I look back I really was unhappy because although we did things together it was when she had time. I did not pressure for more and was very understanding she had alot of stress in her life. The pain and tears come out of knowhwere…I know I have to move on, but I can’t imagine EVER loving anyone like I love her…now I ache to reach out to her but all my friends say “don’t, it won’t go as you want it too”…I hurt so much…I’m devestated..I’m a grown man who feels like he’s 16 who lost his first love, only worse…I know we can not make others feel something they don’t logically…I am just so overwhelming sad…this pain has to stop!

  3. I met the love of my life at 22. We were together a few years and got married. I thought he loved me so much. He always said he did. I loved him so much.

    We were married for 7 years and then he texted me one Friday night saying he needed to sleep at a hotel. He said he needed to be alone for the night. That Thursday he told me our marriage was too hard. He listed all of the difficulties we had.. That in my opinion aren’t anything we did wrong but just life’s trials ( including his 2 job loses and difficulties re-locating). That Saturday he came home and crushed my heart letting me know he was unfaithful the night before. I have never been so hurt in my life. He said he would never forgive himself and he wanted to die. He proceeded to abandon me and moved out. I said I would go to counseling to see if we could reconcile and he said our whole marriage was awful and it took him years to get to this point. I am now 32 years old.. We were together 10 years and poof one day he’s cheated and the next day all he wants to talk about is division of assets. 

    Now if he had not had said to me days earlier how much he loved me and how beautiful I was then maybe this would have been easier to understand. He always said those things to me and I believed him.

    It’s now been 6 months… My self esteem has taken a solid hit, tears come all the time, and although I have a ton of support from my girlfriends I feel so alone… It’s like I lost my best friend, lover, and husband all in a snap. It hurts further knowing we were just starting to plan the possibility of trying to expand our family of two.

     I am sorry to hear all your stories of hurt but truely want you to know that you are not alone. I think of the people I don’t know who may be dealing with similar pains and wish them healing and sunshine. If you are going through painful times I wish you peace 🙂

     “Courage Doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow” ( not sure who wrote that) …

     Keep on keeping on!

  4. When I found this site I immediately thought this is
    To good to be true. After leaving a long relationship that
    Nearly saw me married I felt like I was a new women
    Until I met the guy. We connected instantly and things moved
    So fast. So when all of a sudden We found ourselves
    Broken up I was left heart broken pregnant and alone.
    The worse hit was finding on Facebook while he was
    Trying to smooth his way back in he had cyber cheated
    On me. I was in piece over whelm by grief and emptiness
    I found myself begging him to talk to me, crying whenever
    He would ignore me . One day he sent me a picture of
    Huself and he looked different . It set me into a panic attack
    I slid to the floor in the kitchen and cried so hard for
    Over a hour. When my three year old came up to me
    Concerned saying ” mummy to sad” I decided to get
    Myself off the floor and get myself together. That’s how I
    Found this site . Although I stopped getting the e-mails at
    Five weeks .. which sucks. I found that I have made healthy
    Happy steps for my future. Even though baby daddy
    Is still trying to make things work I no longer have break downs
    I no longet let him ruin me and I stand up for myself
    Moving on not yet.. but happy and healing my heart
    Yes I sure am. Have never felt so in control of my life.
    Thanks so much.
    Please start my emails again though they keep Me strong

  5. Wow! Reading everyone else’s stories has really helped me feel less alone. However, I feel as though I have been reading these personal stories and can’t help but wonder if mine could make someone else feel better. So, here it goes…

    I met the love of my life five years ago. I was an angry young woman who was forever being hurt in previous relationships and felt that no one could ever make me trust another person again. One day a handsome young man walked into the video store that I was working at and creatively asked me out on a date. He searched for movies for hours, and when he approached me, he had a stack of movies in which the titles matched the way he asked me out that night. It was so romantic! Our first date lasted until the sunrise of the next morning. The next 4 years were filled with love, romance, trust and most importantly happiness.
    The last year or so of our relationship began to change. He was staying out later, indulging in video games for hours on end every single day, and he stopped showing interest in me. I couldn’t help but feel that we just lost the spark. I eventually broke up with him because I thought it was what was best for him. He seemed so unhappy and no matter what I did or how hard I tried, nothing I did made it any better. I thought I loved him enough to let him go.
    We lived together and even shared a dog named Sadie, who played the role of mediator between us. After our break up, I realized that I didn’t want to lose him and told him such. He said he felt the same and we continued to try again and again for 3 months.
    During our last “on again” relationship, I thought things were going good, but it turned out he was seeing someone on the side. Erick was a great, amazing and loyal man, so finding this out was just devastating and unbelievably painful. I’ll never forget the day I found the message on his facebook; “I miss your sexy smile ;)”. That one phrase was enough to make me cry so hard that I fell to my knees.
    After confrontation, he tried bringing her to our house after he broke up with me through a TEXT! I panicked and immediately moved out. In the mean time, she moved in. Later, I found out that she was pregnant and decided that I had to move on. I never dated anyone else, but 6 months after the break-up I heard that she was treating him terribly and that she lied about several things including the ability to have children. She cheated on him and said that the baby might not be his and therefor, they broke up. After this, we began talking again and rehashing old feelings. We did the off again/on again routine because he didn’t want to “put me in that situation”, but since I loved him so much, I was determined to work it out.
    Needless to say, we still talk and it still hurts. I have given my all to him over and over again, but he just doesn’t love me enough to really be in it for the long haul. A few days ago, he broke up with me again because he found out that the baby was his. My heart is aching because I know that he will never be with her again and it was a stupid situation that landed him a life long responsibility, but I love him unconditionally. It saddens me that love does not conquer a;;, and the time has come where I know I must move on. I will always love Erick, but he will never love me as much as I love him and I must accept that.
    I will never forget the amazing relationship we have. All I can do now is hope that there is some other fish in the sea that might love me as much as I loved him. I just hope that all the emotional bruises and baggage won’t ruin my chance of happiness 🙁

  6. this life is so sad, i truly am sorry for all the guys who have loved and losted love because as a woman i long to meet a man who is going to love me with there all like i do but unfortunately im yet to meet him. im 22 years old and all my relationships have been a desaster.. im currently going thru the worst break up ever, my 4th bf was the best and worst man i’ve even met. when he started going out i was so happy he made me feel like i could touch the skys then couple months after we started dated he cheated on me and i found out and forgave him only to find out hes was living with someone, i was crushed but still loved him with all my heart so i thought i would give him another chance but that proved a waste of time since 1 week ago i found out he was cheating on me again with a married woman smh im totally losing my mind all i do is pray and pray and could you believe he went as far as to tat my name to show the world that he loved me and with all that he droped me on my face 🙁 words cant begin to descripe how i felt about this man he was my everything but now i know never give your all to man but to God instead cause he wont ever let you down…. its been along a week so im trying to find the pieces of my heart and get my life back together, i also recently found out hes still with the woman and it hurts so bad that i have all this pain and hes just happy and moving on with no care in the world but for one thing i know he’s gonna miss me!

  7. i have been with my best friend since i was 17. We have been together for 15yrs. he knows everything about me. he is the love of my love. he had to fly out of province for work. i really wanted attension from him when he came home. i missed him. for a 3mth job i took on i thought you could be friends with guys at work. met a person who was funny and gave me attension. did not relize how easy it was to develop feelings for someone. i said friends. he said no problem we arnt doing anything wrong. but it is when your spouse doesnt know. for that i will for ever be sorry.. my friend he cant get over the whole works.., of it. i just wanted to be happy. to have him listen to me. to spend time with me. to be a team.. he was sastisfied with our relationship.. i did try to tell him how i felt. all i can say is that my life is flipped upside down. you dont relize how special a person is to you lose him.

  8. I cant stop having waves of pain and tears and FEARS!
    I texted him come home, Marry Me!
    Im divorced with 4 kids
    Hes the same with one full time.
    Im devestated that he forced my hand to make hime leave!
    No attachment to my house, which I would have lost without him.
    I thought I had met Mr Right! It seemed up to me to work it out!
    I was alone in bills and motg. having to juggle payments and the wolf at my door.
    We just couldnt budget!! I had my child tax until the idea of marriage! He gave me a beautiful ring! and the plans of our wedding dwindled in the middle with his fears of loosing my single parent income.
    I know there are many sides, but I only have mine. Rejected becasue of money!? I gave my heart and soul to him and helped with his daughter, who was missing her Mom! She didnt care about me being in the way thats for sure, and so she shouldnt!
    No specail day to look forward to! I packed his stuff in his van and left a note to leave!
    And now Im barfing all the pain up with my agonized crying and my body feels numb!Will I loose my house? Will I be alone with my kids forever? I miss him as a mate! I dont know what to do… I feel like a teenager at 44 years old!
    Soo heart broken I turned on the computer for help!
    I dont feel much better but I do know during the time it took to read this and the writtting this has given my soul a break from crying out loud!
    Thank you, and Bless all those broken hearts out there! I feel your pain and worrie!

  9. So I met the man of my dreams, the one I felt I had a connection with all my life. We feel in love via email and texts. Kind of an old school way of communication like a pen pal or when we talk to military over seas. Well he had just gotten out of a relationship 3 months prior and apparently he was not over it. I got hints about this here and there for the entire year and 3 months we talked. I had plans to move there twice. The first time, his oldest son had a major issue with the law and we put off my move and he stopped talking to me for 2 weeks. Then he came back and it felt off still. Like the ex gf was somehow part of this too. Then things picked back up again and we talked about me moving there on October 26, 2012. Things were going along good and I thought ‘finally, I will be living with the love of my life and his kids. We can face anything together. Good and bad.’ I was really very happy. Then, two days before I was to quit my job and 4 before my move across country to him, he called it off. I had jobs lined up and everything. He wanted a blessing from his mother for our relationship (he is 44) and she would not give it to him for me. She would however, give it to his ex gf and his ex gf begged for him back. Another chance. He said he was torn between me, his ex gf, and his mothers advice. Writting this out now makes me feel silly cause I can see that a 44 year old man should be able to make decisions for himself. But I also know that my own mother does this same thing to me. One of my biggest strengths and weaknesses is the ability to be very understanding and open minded. So I did not talk to him for a week. Then on the day that I should have been there, Oct. 26, 2012, he text me and told me he missed me. That he still loves me and he is only delayed. That he does not know for how long he will be delayed. But you know, even though this man stole my heart, was everything in the world I wanted in a man, was and is my dream come true, he made his choice. How can I put my life on hold to wait for him? Sure it hurts like absolute hell and like nothing I have ever felt before. But I can’t put my life totally on hold to wait for him. Sure my heart will want to wait for him and I have no other prospects nor will I look cause I just don’t need the heartache right now. But I do know I need to move my life forward even though it feels like I am pushing a ton of bricks in front of me that only move a half inch daily. I have dreams that age has restricted now unfortunately and there is not a way around them. But I do still want to pursue them and make them mine. So I will keep on pushing forward and do what I can. One day at a time, one step forward daily. Yes, he still emails me. Tells me how he loves my voice, my pictures he still has, all my emails to him he has. I hear from him almost daily. Weekends are usually scarce but during work he finds time to email me, or when she is not around too. He tells me in a round about way that he would marry me and told me she knows he would never marry her. I am sure he feels secure and snug in his little world he has made for himself cause he gets to come home to someone who wants to do things for him, yet she does not know that he is talking to me still and telling me how he loves me. I am sorry, I hate being this person he talks to like this and at the same time want him still so bad because of who he is to me. I also want to tell her myself all of this so she is not hurt anymore and can move on. But that is not for me to decide. that is karma’s job. I feel like the side option to him in case things don’t work out. But I know I am going to need to put some distance here between us in order for myself to start feeling better. So I can move forward instead of being stuck in that high tower where all I can do is look out and everyone looks back in at me.

    I wish everyone the very best in life and I hope you all recover well, find someone to love again. I think we all know this story and here we are, telling each other the most intimate life events about love and the heart…….. don’t ever give up.

  10. To humor myself, I Googled for “broken heart therapy” and this site was the first I came across. I skimmed through it not expecting to find anything. I read the post from bub July 25, 2012. I have to say I’m going to read everyone’s post because I’m allready grateful for this site. A broken heart, for some people, is healed with time like we often hear. For others, like myself, it’s not so easy. Like some of us allready said, you can’t sleep and it affects everything you do.

    The “short version” of my story: Three months later and I still can’t grasp that out of no where, the person I was falling in love with walks out on me without a word, not one syllable. No phone call, text, email, letter, FB message, etc,…NOTHING. I wasn’t even worth a text? I tried contacting him but got nothing. I gave up. I don’t want him anymore and accepted it’s over but the feelings are still there and that’s the hard part…what do you do with all of it, where do you put it?

    My story isn’t as painful as others but it still hurts. I’m going to read every one’s post because it will give me hope. THANK YOU all so much for sharing your stories…especially the guys who weren’t afraid to share. I wish everyone happiness and hope, everyday. We can’t give up.:)

  11. My girlfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me. Out the blue she said she wasn’t happy. I had just saved up enough money to buy an engagement ring. I was blind sided. It’s only been 2 weeks…everything is raw and painful. We still live together but I’m moving in February…we still get along well…she is in as much pain as I am but she had to put herself first and say that this is not the direction she wants for her life…marriage and children.

    So I am a broken man. I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my home. My future looks mirky and I’m completely lost. I can’t eat, I can’t socialize, I can’t concentrate. Sometimes the sound of my own voice makes me cry. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing.

    So far this site has helped. But I have a long long way to go. Thank you to all that participate.

  12. 9 months ago we found each other. Things were great but we started fighting. We were different but we kept trying. She broke up with me 3 days ago. I woke up and it was so unexpected. I begged and did everything I could but she just couldn’t handle it. I am so broken and the memories haunt me every second. I’m 21. I can’t sleep, I haven’t eaten in days. I take pills to sleep and those hardly work. I cry and live my life like a zombie. I’ve been through heart breaks before so I know I’ll be ok, but right now I can’t deal with this. Seeing people going through actual divorce gives me hope because it could be worse. I hope I can survive this torment and move on.

  13. divorced and a mom of 3 ,moved on and was happy with me .became a published author and a dog groomer ,i was as busy as could be ,wasn’t looking for love even though all my friends were trying to give me a shove, in the middle of my busy day i looked up and in walked love, tummy flipping ,palm sweating, heart pounding ,make you stumble and drop things love ,inseperrable head over heals ,everything in common ,time flies ,can’t stop thinking about each other ,he even loved that i was a mother.we met on december 23 5 days after my dad died suddenly,he gave me christmas back and i was filled with hope. a year later on that same day he asked me to marry him on bended knee ,a happy life and amazing future was all i can see here it is almost 2 years later almost to the day he just up and walked out on me ,so here we are my boys and all we can do is cry i wish i knew why the pain so bad…

  14. I’ve been married 32-years. I suspected my wife had an affair 19 years ago but was assured nothing happened with her old boyfriend. Recently, 4-5 weeks ago, my wife confirmed the worst. I know it was a long time ago, but now all the strange stories, the arguments, the fact her family hid the truth from me all falls into place. I’m in absolute agony over what I have discovered, and I am struggling to enjoy life! Is there something that’s makes the pain go away???? …short of removing my heart?

  15. I never thought i’d write about this so openly, but right now I’d try anything to help this pain ease. We’d been together for 7 years this Chistmas. We met when I was 26 and he was much younger. At first i thought he was a rebound from a previous pretty bad relationship, but he worked his way into my heart and my god he was perfect there.
    He was positive and handsome and funny and his take on life was always so refreshing. three years ago he got offered to go and work in the UK for 6 months, (it was a year but we both thought 6 months was fair so we could stay together). I went to see him and he came to see me. When he moved back he left me. Well tried. He said he didnt want to be in a heavy relationship. But i say tried because somehow after a few days of begging and completely losing all my self respect he came back to me. We were happy – i thought – i think – i dont know. Next year he had an opportunity to go to a distant land for a few weeks to pursue one of his hobbies, i supported him completely even though i was scared he would leave me when he came back. He didnt, but he did try again that summer and then again, i begged him to come back. At this time my career was busy, i have a very tough job and that has always caused me stress which in turn rubbed off on him, but when he tried to tell me he was unhappy as he wanted to travel, i told him the truth, i told him i wanted to travel too. after a bad few months with my job this year he gave me an ultimatum, snap out of your stress because I can’t take it. We also discussed kids and he said because he wanted to travel he didnt want any. I’m 33 but i’ve never even been sure that i wanted them anyway. thing is i think he wasn’t listening to me, I think he thought that my dreams were just abc and they weren’t.
    A few months ago his grand mother died, earlier in the year he gave me her diamond ring (when she was still alive) saying this was a comittment from him. Deep down i never felt it was mine, i must have known. now this last sat, less than 48 hours ago i was in the kitchen making a salad for us both when the bomb shell hit. i asked him what was wrong and i knew full well what was coming. it happened so fast, 7 years of my life died in 20 mins when he got his things and left the keys and walked out that door. I also gave him the ring back, it didnt feel right to keep it.
    Usually i would have ‘fought’ begged pleaded and cried my way back into his heart. But this time i didn’t. I dont know why. God knows i regret it.
    It’s now monday morning. I can’t get msyelf into work. I live in a small flat that is overloaded with memories, things he bought me, photos he’s taking, paintings he did for me.
    I’ve read the comments that you can love someone, who simply doesn’t love you back, but I dont understand that. I never will. I know he does love me, he was crying when he left. But he thinks we’re at two different stages in our life. A male friend told me that if he wants to travel the world he’ll want to meet diffrent women and that’s why he wouldnt stay with me.
    maybe I am bit older. maybe i understand having a home and a base is important but, you know what, i dont think having that is as important as having someone to face this big bad world with next to you. sharing your heart, love, bed, problems, happiness. I thought i was on a career path but i’ve been more confused than ever for 7 years. life has to be more than making money and spending money. i’ve always told him that. if he had to contact me (which he hasn’t at all) i think i would ask him, take me with you. let me escape with you and see the world. the rejection from that would be far worse than even the rejection i have already, but when you love someone that’s leaving you, you would try wouldnt you? he’s a talented young man in his mid 20’s, who needs to make his dreams come true, thats what he told me. i’m only 33, he doesnt need to make me feel like dreams stop at 33 (do they). he said he was leaving me as it would be unfair to do this any later in our lives and that eventually he would start to hate me. My heart tells me he already does.
    All these sites say hang out with your friends, go out. but i hardly have any friends. there is no easy way to move on from this. He’s left me literally living in the past, our past, our bed, our sofa. And he’s shunned me from his future. What he maybe doesn’t realise, or maybe he does which makes it all the harder, is that by following his dreams he has honestly crushed and destoryed every one of mine.
    My future didn’t have a moment where he wasn’t in it. I couldn’t hold onto him. They say the silence is deafening. But i can’t even hear the silence. I’m numb. When you know that someone is the true love of your life, how do you sit back and not only watch them leave, but also possibly leave the country. I know i have a heart that’s literally overflowing with love. Maybe it’s pouring in the wrong direction on the wrong man, but it’s what i know. And i can’t let go. I still haven’t contacted him. And vice versa. I’m making it so easy for him. Like I read on a post, how do you murder the love you have when it’s so deep and honest and pure.
    i don’t know how to get through the next hour, let alone the next day, week. He’ll be gone soon i guess. And it feels like now he’s gone, the girl i knew, is really gone too.
    I’m sorry i dont have words of wisdom, inspiration or courage.
    I’m 33. But that doesn’t mean we can’t dream or hope for the same things as others. He’s put me in a box that says i should be married with kids.
    He’s trapped me in this prison, where I honestly don’t belong.

  16. Reading these stories has reminded me that breakups hurt at any age, and regardless of how long the relationship lasted. The first time I felt this pain I was 16 and I thought the world was coming to an end. I’ve experienced many other breakups since that time and it always feels the same way. Today, I am in my early 50’s and I find myself experiencing it, yet again. This time the situation is much more complicated and I don’t quite know what I’m going to do… for now. I’m still involved, but it will inevitably end on it’s own. I have to decide if I’m going to wait till things happen on their own, or go and begin the grief process now. Here’s what’s happenning.

    I met a woman through work. She is the person who hired me and is my supervisor. We are both married, but the attraction began almost immediately. This job requires extensive travel, and many times we are travelling together. Spending so much time together only made the attraction stronger, and it only took two months before we crossed the line and escalated this to a physical relationship. Once that happened, the attraction became even stronger and it became a full-blown love affair. We have declared this to be the strongest attraction either of us has ever known. We both want to make this permanent, but it will never happen. I have been married for years with grown children, and grandchildren. Leaving my marriage would wreck many lives. She has been married for less than a year, and leaving wouldn’t cause much upheaval. This is complicated enough, and is something that will not end well, no matter what. However, that is not the worst.

    Not even a month into this new relationship we learned that she is battling cancer. It’s something she has fought before, but now it’s back again. This time it’s terminal. At this time, nobody suspects a thing about this relationship. We could stop and it would likely never be known. That’s not what I want though. I don’t know how much time she has, and it’s going to be very difficult to not be able to be there with her as she fights, and eventually loses this battle. I love her as much as I have ever loved anyone, even though it has only been a few months. Her husband has already shown her that he is not strong enough deal with this and it probably means she will go through the roughest parts of it without him. This makes me even more determined to be there, but doing so would mean exposing this relationship to everyone.

    She may decide that going through treatments is not the way she wants to go. She may decide to take whatever good time she has left and enjoy it doing whatever she wants to do. She has made it clear that she would like for me to join her but realizes that I could never do that either. I am now forced to accept the reality that we will never be and I will lose her to this illness. I don’t want to stop seeing her, and I want to be there for her, but I cannot hurt everyone else by exposing this relationship. It’s going to be difficult enough to go through this grief and not be able to show it. I took a big risk by getting involved in the first place. Now I have to face the heartache that will surely follow. I want to get on with it, but I know I won’t be able to turn away until she goes.

  17. I am 21, a senior in college in montana, and my dream has always been to find the love of my life in college. I recently did and had a relationship with her, the problem was we jumped into a relationship about a week after she got out of a different one. This girl is perfect for me in all senses. She is smart, extremely attractive to me (even though others say she is fair), made me the happiest person i have been in my entire life. About a month into our relationship we got a break from school and she wanted me to go home with her to california and meet her family. So i did just that, and had an amazing time and her family loved me. A week after we returned back to school she blind sided me and broke up with me with out any warning what-so-ever. Her reason was things happened too quick from her past relationship and things were moving fast for her. She is a freshman and only 18 so i know there is a maturity difference and what we may want right now. But the break-up just killed me, we had ALWAYS been able to sit down and talk about any problems or anything, and this time she didnt tell me a thing. Even after the breakup she said her feelings remain for me and that she still loves me but she isnt ready for it.

    I have been in many relationships before and engaged once previously so i really do know the difference between the idea of love and the real thing. This has been the hardest breakup for me ever. Just knowing that i never had a chance to try to change things or work things out kills me inside. That I may never be with the girl I full heartedly believe is the one and is perfect in every way for me again. I have no motivation for school anymore and I am on a full ride for academics with the probability bright career future ahead of me. It has been 3 days since the breakup now and i havent been able to sleep or eat much. I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep in the last 76 hours and havent eaten in 40 hours with still no appetite. I am just completely broken hearted. The problem is a dont want to move on from her, i want to keep me feelings for her and wait to see if time brings us back together again….

  18. what if your an over thinker? what if you might have analyzed things to much? what if “he” couldn’t handle it or maybe it was me.. my fault?

    its all to much right now.. ;((

  19. These stories are … wow … interesting at the very least so now I wanna tell my story . Its goes like this . I met a guy and it was just a little crush . I honestly thought I wasn’t gonna get him and I didn’t plan on pursuing him , he was just a crush . Well one day I decided to text him and ever since then the feelings grew . I missed him when he was gone , I enjoyed spending everyday with him . He was also such a different guy to me . He treated me like a queen. We eventually started dating (after I grew feelings for him). We were going so good until one day , he made a stupid decision and got kicked outta school . It hurt because I couldn’t see him everyday but I was willing to make it work because I loved him . He was the first guy I introduced to my family and my first love . Not even a week into the distance situation he gave up , without even trying. He told me he didn’t wanna lose interest in me so he ended it . It hurt me so much because I cared about him a lot . Actually I still do. Now we talk only through text , and I havent seen him since the day he messed up . I miss him so much and idk what to do about it.

  20. All of my relationships have ended in heartache, the first two I was cheated on, the next I married a narcissistic man who leave. E both emotionally and physically hurt and a Small child. I then met the love of my life I am trying to get thru the pain of that ending too, we had been seizing each other everyday for 10months insuperable, he took on my daughter (16months old) at the time and would day dream with me about the future n where our lives would lead,, houses, children etc. we moved in together (the first time he had ever been out of home) – he is an only child his parents home schooled him they r a little alternate they go to counciling sessions together n often. Anyway.. Long story short I woke up normal day received a text “I love you have a good day” in the morning… Then a lunch got a phone call “I can’t do this anymore, I just not ready for all of this I can’t do it we r too different” – I begged him to come home and talk about it with me he said his parents r moving interstate if he stays with me n that they are comming to be his stuff from our house, that he cat see me. – this was 3 days ago and I can barely see to type this through my tears. I loved him I had never known happiness like when I was with him, we loved the same things, did the same hobbies, movies,cars everything we also never fought everything was perfect then.. BAM and it’s been three days I haven’t seen him and he’s turned his phone off because he’s “hurting and to stressd to deal with things” – he just promised we could never b n e more than friends now and that was not going to change. I hope that I will heal I have only read the introductions to this site and I already feel slightly hopefull that I can get through this and actually be happy. Any co meets or thoughts would be appreciated I’m in a dark place at the moment but hopefully the light will shine soon

  21. Its really thankful to this site….i just search it randomly for me to read something while in hospital.. after reading few sad stories and survival….

    I consider myself lucky to have a second life…and i hope when i come out here…..i can get back my smile again…..

    there is no more equivalent pain when u are dying and yet the person love dumped u and says “i dont care” (anyway shes far, i just pass the message to her via mail, so i give myself excuse for that).

    No pain no glory

    Thanks you so much for this site

  22. Hi, my story starts back in may of this year. I’m a twenty years old male, feel like thats important to know. Love this site by the way. My story starts in may of this year. My passed away on may 27th. A week later my girlfriend left me, she literally told me I wasnt enough for her. So then I met this amazing girl a few months later. She made me the happiest guy in the world. I was at the lowest point in my, and she came in and lifted my spirit back up. We would talk for hours upon hours about everything. I had the strongest connection with this fine young lady than anyone. Anyone except for my best friend Chris. Chris and I have been friends for 12 years. We’ve been through it all. Well little did I know Chris really liked Jessica(the girl from above) I told him all my feelings towered her. He knew how much I cared for her and how close we were. You see, her and I had gotten very close in short punt of time. She told me that she tells me thongs know one else on the planet knew. She took me to her grandfathers grave and on the way there she said not many people know where this is. And her grandfather was her father, because she had no idea who her real father was or is. And then guess what found about 5 hours ago? Her car was at chris’s house and she was in his bed. I am debarred right now. I find one person I can connect with in ways I couldn’t even imagine. And then I lose her and my closest friend on the planet in one night. She’s sleeping in his bed right now actually. I know I’m a lot younger, and not as wise as most people on this site, but it hurts no matter age you are. Your sense of security is lost. Hope for the future is, well, you know, not there. Food taste crappy, entertainment is not entertaining…… All the prices are there. I understand losing a marriage the age of forty is earth shaking, but pain comes in all shapes and sizes. The stories on here provide hope, and I thank each and everyone of you. The grass is in fact greener on the other side. At least I hope so.

  23. Just very sad it’s so hard to let go of the one you love. Even worse when that one is in love with someone else. I miss him everyday I long to hear from him and I have tried to keep it together but each day it’s harder but I know one day I’ll get there. Thanks for all your stories each holds a healing note.

  24. Its nice reading all these stories. It makes me wanna share mine. Im 21 years old. I had been dating the love of my life for almost a year. We broke up a few times but we never stayed away for this long. It has been about six month. Hes an amazing guy, and Im not a bad girl either. But I cant stand just the thought of anybody lying to me. He lied to me a few times and that broke my hear. I dont know if he ever cheated on me. Ill leave that to his conscience, but I still cant trust him anymore. I love him so much and I would do anything just to make him happy. These days I found out he is in a relashionship, but this is all too weird for me. A few days ago we talked and I was was kinda rush but all I wanted was to help him. I want a better life for him. So we started talking and texting each other as friends, and flirting a little bit. So he sent me a text like this. I miss you already 🙁 and I replied like this I dont know what goes through your head, when you get a decent job and start school then you talk to me, right now act as if I dont exist. Dont miss me. Grow up first. Now I understand I was a little rude, I shouldnt had said it that way and not when he was saying he missed me. All I wanted was that he would grow up, and act more like a responsible man. Thats the kind of husband I want. Responsible and really cares about me. After we broke up he turned to another person, and now even wort. I got a broken heart because things didnt turn out the way I dreamed. But i wish the best for him, and I hope he found a good girl who will bring him up, and will help him grow up. I wish that was me but its ok things will get better for me and hell be very happy.

  25. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know where to go or even feel happy i feel like i wont ever find someone who loves me the way he did. Ill never feel comfortable in someones arms or trust them with my heart. It hurts so bad. Im still young but i didnt want it to end. He did. He lost feelings. We devoted two years to each other. It was our first serious relationship for both of us. Ik im only 19 but ik it was love. I just wish i ciuld erase the memories or go back in time and turned away 🙁

  26. I feel so sad and broken tonight. The one whom I loved the most and was also my best friend came to me and told me that he loved me so much. Because of fearing the relationship failure, I really did not want him to tell me that he loved me. For me, the friendship was more important than anything else. After he told me that he loved me, I figured out that someone had a crush on him. He started to begin a relationship with her too. He was in relationship with two people at the same time. Indirectly, he told me that he also likes the other girl. He told me that he loves the other girls looks and my attitude. He said that his heart loves one and his mind loves the other. I broke up with him and wanted to know to what extend he loved me. He failed. He failed so badly. He was sad only for few minutes. I just understood that he really didn’t love me much. Maybe, because we were very close friends, he thought that he loves me. Now I am the saddest person in the world because my best friend has turned out to be my enemy. He and his girl friends shows off on facebook. They both want me to be as jelous as possilbe. I am happy for both of them but I can’t forget him. He was a very useful and nice friend. I didn’t want to lose him. He blames me for breaking up but he really wanted to break up. He was not happy with me. He couldn’t let her go. So, I had to leave. Now I am his simple friend. I just can’t fake happiness. I am extremely sad for myself.

  27. Married for 18 years, We drifted apart as she convinced herself that GOD wanted her to start a church, regardless of my pleas to take it slow. Running a church is a huge responsibilty. She left the church we used to go to. I refused to join her church. I nevertheless let her use one of our property. But we are no longer friends, nor even business partners in any sense. Two years ago I met a divorced mother of two who showed a lot of interest in me – She also really turned the keys in my emotional areas. Intimacy with her was absolutely over the top. But 10 months ago (late 2011) she told me she wanted to move on since am still married. I have three teenagers. I love my kids- adore each of them, I grew up in a single parent family and I do not want them to experience divorced parents. I accepted my girlfriends leaving me. But my heart is absolutely broken, I cried for about four months in my bed, Still cry. She talks to me once in a while_ says I am irrational. I need help to live without love. Tried to get more work to do, but my thoughts always return to her…. Cant someone just stop loving? I am determined never to love any one again. Sex ? maybe…. love? Never!

  28. How do you get back to your old self when the one you fell in love with takes your whole heart with them. How do you go back to normal when nothing feels right anymore. I hate seeing people now. I hate talking to people now. I don’t even speak to my family much and it pains me so much since they are always there for me and they did nothing wrong. I’m tired of lying to people and telling them that I’m fine. I’m not fine at all. Life seems meaningless. My job seems more of an 8 hours hassle now. The hobbies I use to have seems pointless and unenjoyable now. I planned my whole future around this person and all of a sudden someone else fills her heart instead. I can’t take this. I miss her. I miss her son so much. I didn’t just lose one person. I lost two. I no longer trust people outside of my family. I once counted myself as a nice guy, but now I have so much pain and anger in my heart. I’m only 25 years old so I know I shouldn’t complain since I’m young. People keep telling me I have my whole life ahead of me. I don’t want that life anymore.

  29. Great stories on here! Unfortunately, I don’t have a great story to share as I am still heartbroken. Here’s it goes… I met my ex-partner over 2 years and half ago, I was 26 and he was 44. 18 yrs gap! I was very much in-love with him (and still am), he made me happy and he was my everything! We were both in-love and then his depression came along and he was really down and his emotions are up and down, I really didn’t know what to do. I tried to be with him and support him but he pushed me away all the time and told me he wanted to be by himself. I felt like he was taking me for granted all the time. I cried and cried (and still upsets me), It has been 3 months since we split up and the pain is still there. I missed him so much and still loved him. I really don’t know what to do. It’s crazy as it sound, I know! 🙁

  30. My heartbreak isn’t from a romance. My daughter broke my heart and no man has ever broken my heart the way she did. When you have children you want whats best for them. It hurts that my daughter is grown and despises me. I have 3 grandchildren and while she is agreeable to my visiting, she is someone I can’t be around. I have done so much for her through the years and also for my grandchildren. I have been crying more in the last 3 months than I have ever cried in my entire life.

  31. Every muscle in my body aches, but I’m not sick. My heart is so so sore. I’m yearning for the one I love. But he is with someone else. We met so many years ago. We fell in love, but we didn’t really pursue it because of our different believes.(I was catholic. He was muslim)

    He left without saying good bye! I assumed he didn’t care and moved on. Now as many as 23 years later he is back and I love him even more. When I close my eyes, he is right here by my side. We spoke a few times on the phone and I went weak in the knees. I am more attracted to him then before. He was so shy and reserved back then. Now he is so matured and sure of himself and its drawing me to him even closer.

    We are both married. We have a spouse and kids to think of. He said he never forgot about me, about us. I so much want to believe him, but every time we get close again, one of us does something stupid and it gets ugly and we try to live our separate lives. Its easy because we have people in our lives that loves us. It gets better for a while, but then one of us gets weak and contacts the other.(More me than him – so its seems one sided)

    And we try again being friends, knowing very well that it could never work. We can never just be friends. The bond is too strong. The feelings are too real. So what do we do? I cannot live without him in my life, but I do not want the role of the other woman. I’m not even sure what I want, because my current life is so perfect. I love my husband and kids. I swear I do. What I feel for him, I cannot explain. I don’t even want a physical relationship with him coz it will just complicate things.

    There are times I wish I never heard from him again, but knowing that he is out there and that he might even care as much as I do, is the best feeling ever. Its not his fault and neither is it mine. It just happened, but I will not call it fate. My God will never allow any of HIS believers suffering like this. And yes, I am suffering. Every day! I’m in such denial that I started lying to myself. I’m trying to break all ties with him again, knowing that it will not work. I’ve done stupid things in the last two month to prove a point, but don’t even want to believe it myself anymore.

    The thought of it hurt so much, but once I had all the evidence, I couldn’t do what I intended to do. I guess I’m just hurt that he is not putting in any effort to contact me. His life is so strange, but maybe its for the better. It keep us apart in such a way that we should rather try and forget. It is killing me knowing that I cannot even text him. Let alone call him. How do I get over myself? I’m fine for a day or two and then it hits me and I’m dying to hear from him. What is wrong with me? Why do I not have any will power to try and forget and move on? I’m making myself sick thinking about him so often.

    I have no guarantee that he wants me in his life. Not even as a friend. Feels like he is keeping me in the background for in case. I do not want to be this needy. I don’t not want to want to hear from him everyday. But he said that he cared. He even went as far as telling me that he love me and that he never stopped loving me. He said “I’m loosing myself in you” what sweet words.

    Love that we cannot have is the love that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest.”

    To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go no matter how much it hurts.”

  32. I am still shocked to be commenting on here. I met my fiance online in 2006 and I moved down to VA from NJ in May 2007. We moved in together in 2009, bought a house in 2010 and were engaged in 2011. On August 8, 2012 he died of sudden arythmmia at 33 yrs old. It was 10 days before our wedding. I was shocked and grieving and then I discovered a dark secret of his after his death. He was cybering with girls online and exchanging pictures ans sending text messages throughout our relationship. Even up until the day he died. He contacted an escort when he was out of town but it doesn’t look like any physical contact was made. He was so good to me. Came from a great family and we did have a great relationship. However this just devastates me. I had found an email back in 2009 and confronted him and he told me he would never do it again. He knew that cheating was the ultimate hurt for me. I was nothing but loyal to him but apparently he had some cyber addiction and fetish I just didn’t pick up on. But I can’t confront him. I only try and heal from this. I’m hoping this will help.

  33. I have been single now for four years, due to finding out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me with various other men.
    When i confronted him, he lied, saying “He was’nt cheating, and how could i think that?”
    Im not stupid and decided to check his phone and all the texts and pictures were there.
    I was working as a Consultant at the time and would regularly have to visit companies to get business. One day i and a colleague visited a housing complex to tender for the business and i did a walk round of the car park area with the maintenance people.
    Whilst walking round the car park in the private parking area, i saw my then boyfriends car, parked up.
    I felt physically sick as i knew he was seeing a lad i found out about a few months before.
    i went home and put tea on as normal and when he came in, i confronted him, as enough was enough, i had to think of my own mental and physical health.
    His facial expression is etched in my memory. Sheer horror!
    He said nothing but got up and walked out.
    I never got answers as to why?, was it me?, was he not happy? Nothing.
    And its been hard as i struggled in the relationship, paying for everything, and i mean everything. But thats my fault, i know that now.
    Im 38 now and am having to constantly tell myself, “im Ok”, and i am happy by myself, for one its a break for my wallet. I do struggle when i hear how he was moved on with a drag queen, as he was straight acting, and how he has bought a place and goes on holidays, which we never did.
    But one thing i do not struggle with is knowing i am better off. Danger comes in many forms and none more so than a cheater.

  34. I had been in a relationship for 10 years before I got married to my wife. I was on my late 20s at that time and had plans to get married with my long term gf for 10 yrs. She was my everything and I know I was to hers too…And so it goes like this, she got a relocation for her job and I stayed in our place, where we grow up together, fall in love…A long distance relationship we call it…Then one day to my surprise visit to the place where she was relocated, I found out she was sleeping with this guy she met at her new work place. I felt that my heart was crashed into pieces… She explained, said she just missed me too much blah blah blah..she said she still wants me and go back to our place give up everything just to be with me…Every word came out from her mouth at that time seems so unbelievable to me…I was shocked and at the same time half of me was lost…I could say that that was one of the darkest times in my life…To cut the story short I didn’t forgive her and God I was right!!!!!!! After 5 years of moving on and when I was ready, God knows the perfect time and the perfect place for me and my wife to meet. You know what that was the best thing that ever happened to me without going through that heartbreak I won’t be able to meet the most beautiful woman with a very kind heart and now blessed with beautiful kids. So guys if you’re coping from a divorce or break up don’t you worry there’s a rainbow always after the rain! And don’t hurry love because it will surely come to you when you’re ready to fall inlove again!:))

  35. I was going through the worst type of heartbreak. He didn’t break up with me he loved control too much,instead he would play me hot and cold. He got so cold I began to be grateful for any crumb of affection he tossed my way. He broke me to the point that one day he reached out ,I was so happy he could care that much. He would cheat and lie and manipulate until I became brainwashed into thinking that’s wat a relationship is, d then I found this site, and I realized I had been going through a heartbreak that was alive and staring me in the face breaking my heart with his actions. You helped me take the step to look at him and say your hold on me is over and so is our relationship. For that your work is miraculous in itself. I am taking some time off now to try and fall completely out of love, but I took that first giant step because of you…thank you

  36. I’m glad I stumbled across this site but I’m not sure if anyone would be going through the same situation. I am 38 and I left my marriage and my family life about 2 years ago for toxic friends I let into my life. I was jealous and envious of their single lives and started to emulate them. I started leaving my husband home, always going out, etc. I always knew it was wrong and and I was full of regrets but I ignored them. I felt my husband did not appreciate me enough and these people seemed to more. We went back and forth over the two years, marriage counselling, my conscience getting the better of me every once in a while. In early April I finally spoke the words I dread and told him I was done. We had our house up for sale because when we were still trying to work through we thought a fresh start would help. So now its august and I have finally had a huge awakening and realized I was no longer me, I was this horrible selfish alcoholic whose daughter was missing her mom. Unfortunately I am too late. My husband is seeing someone else. And we still live under the same roof. Its like watching my husband have an affair right in front of me. And he’s confused and hurt and angry that I took so long because now that he has finally accepted this and moved on I’ve changed my mind. I don’t know what is going to happen but he’s moving on and I’m a miserable mess. He probably thought I was a whacko for a few days with all the begging and pleading and countless text messages I have sent him. And it doesn’t help that the person he is seeing he also works with. I’m a mess but am trying to stay strong for my daughter. A lot of the people I had as friends are gone now so I don’t have a huge support network except for a few friends who I also deserted but they are sticking by me. I’m seeing a therapist and I do know that I will pull out in the end but right now I want to die and if it wasn’t for that little girl I don’t know what I would do. My heart has always been with him I just never listened and now I think I have lost him for good. He is so angry, told me he wants me to suffer and I know he is now suffering as well with the guilt of the miserable shape I’m in – I’ve lost 8 lbs in a week (I’m a tiny person as it is), not sleeping or eating, constantly crying I cannot get ahold of my emotions. I feel I have ruined my life, his and our daughters. I miss my family and want them back. He won’t take the house of the market, and I’m now praying it won’t sell because its the only thing keeping my family under one roof. I have idea if the person he is seeing is aware of the entire situation and I’m keeping myself from contacting her. So if anyone out there has been in a similar situation I’d lke to hear how you were able to cope.

  37. It’s the strangest thing. My ex-fiance found me on Facebook after 32 years and wrote me a long letter in which he said he was sorry he broke it off and to my surprise is with his #3 wife (he dumped me for wife #1). To this day he really does not take responsibility for the results in his life. I wasn’t unfriendly but I made it clear I’ve been married to the SAME MAN since 1983, he and I had had this conversation before and I told him to stick it out with Wife #3 and make it work. I must say that I have nostalgic feelings at times, whereas before Facebook I hadn’t thought of him in years. I remembered the pain of our breakup more than the good times. I admit he made me feel like no one else ever did, that song “hooked on a feeling” comes to mind–I know exactly what it is. No one has ever made me feel like that before or since. How can I get this guy out of my head and out from under my skin. I was very young when I fell in love with him and one day he told me his feelings for me “didn’t grow” he still loved (ex-girlfriend, who he married) and I was kicked to the curb. What is the matter with me. I wish I could have that feeling with my husband!

  38. I met the love of my life 7 and a half months ago. I knew it as soon as I saw him, we had a connection from the start. He has kids but that didnt bother Me as I really loved them. We fell in love very quickly and were planning to move in together and looking forward to the future. I am 31 years old and had been carrying alot of emotional scars due to past experiences, I have also recently realised I had been allowing other people mainly my family dictate how I should feel. I suppose a kind of madness possessed me on a few occasions over the months I said alot of things I didnt mean. He said that he knew I didnt mean them, and said that he understood , nothing I could do or say would ever drive him away from Me he loved Me too much to ever let go. We agreed that I should get some councilling to help Me work through my emotional scars so that I wouldnt keep taking them out on him. Now I set the councilling up while we were together, I actually started attending when we were together , but I didnt tell him. I had a miscarraige (a very early one) a few months back, this was my 3rd. He finished it with Me 3 weeks ago, it was the anniversary of my 1st miscarriage (which the way it came about was heartbreaking if you all only knew) I was stuck at home with a virus and im afraid I got caught up with odd thoughts and grief and fear, and ended up being vile to him for 3 days straight. At which point he ended it. He said that all the things ive said have killed his love for Me. I was under the impression true love doesnt die, and if you know that person doesnt mean it (maybe if hed known I was attending councilling) and u truley love them then u always give them another chance. I spoke to him yesterday trying again to make him see how much him and the children mean to me and how Im dealing with my issues so I wont be moody for no apparent reason anymore, we could be happy again. He said no, he said I never made him happy, so y did he stay?, Ive tried many different ways to explain make him see, make him understand the pain I am in over losing him, and the kids. He will not waiver he even said to Me I dont love u I dont need you you were a mistake I dont even find you attractive anymore I nothing you. So as much as he said he truely loved Me he obviously didnt coz he wouldnt of just stopped loving me surely?. I am currently facing eviction from my home and I may be pregnant. None of this matters to him, he says if Im pregnant hell be here for the baby, but we will never be together again. This man told Me he understood my issues he said he loved me he saw who I really was , and yet he walked away because I didnt get help quick enough. Is that what real love s like? I always thought you stand by someone if you love them, unconditionally. Maybe I will have to face the fact that maybe even though he said all them beautiful things that I believed, he didnt mean them. Now im in a bad situation , dont know how to stop loving him and the kids. Dont know if ill ever be able to love a man again because I woulda been with him forever he was the one. For now I have to keep hearing him say I dont want to be with you, over and over, just to try not to cry over him. I have other things to focus on and maybe when the wound is healed I may one day want to try again with love. Now it seems not as I am still so in love with him despite his harsh words. If you meet someone you truely love and u have scars please deal with them or youll end up like Me without the man you love, his kids who I loved like my own, dont lose your family. Dont make the mistakes I made , as right now I dont see a way through this. I am surviving and taking each day as it comes. Thankyou for reading may you all find eternal love 🙂

  39. I fell in love with my ex the moment I met her, Even before we got together I thought about her and got upset that I couldnt be with her. Then two years later we confessed our love and decided wed be together. We had the most amazing relationship, bumps along the way but who doesnt! she was there for me from the worst and made me happy when I was sad. It all went wrong when we moved in together. We started bickering and she started a new job which I KNEW would be our demise. She started acting weirdly and i knew something wasnt right since this new job. She told me of times where the man in her work would chat her up and ask to drop her home, and I hated that and expressed my feelings on that matter. Then one day I came home early (she didnt like me out late) to find that she wasnt there. Frantic phone calls and texts later she tells me shes in the car with this man of what has been 4 hours. She couldnt face me when she got home and when she did, told me she needed space. I tried my very hardest after that, showered her with love and gifts and that still wouldnt change a thing. I dont know wether it was the attention that made her drift or what, all i know is she was seeing someone one week after we had split, slagging me off to him when id make a “suprise” visit. I feel so stupid that I panicked in such a way and smothered her away from me almost, because thats what i did. Panick. if i can offer any advise, dont panick, dont persist. If that person wants you they will come to you with space and time, you texting and calling them every five minutes just pressurises them and makes matters worse. If they dont come back, they arnt worth your time nor tears. We havent spoken in months and havent been together for 9 months, i dont feel any better than the first day, i wont lie, but i have hope for myself. Hope that another will make me feel the way she did and hope that she finds someone who will fulfill her life, even if that someone isnt me. Because that is what true love is about really 🙂 God bless you all.

  40. My boyfriend and I broke up in October of 2011. I am 40 and he is 48. He is a six years divorced father of three who was dating another woman when we met while volunteering in spring of 2009. Actually, he had contacted me on an online dating site prior to our actual meeting. I recognized him from the match.com ad and was pleased to get to meet him. When we met there were fireworks. He began a subtle pursuit of me from day one. He was with this other woman, but I knew we would end up together. We had a fiery on again/off again relationship for two years. We were going to be married–his insistence– and I was staying with him and his kids several nights a week. I realize now that it was, perhaps, in part the package that I sought–the attorney with the ready-made family. We are quite different in terms of some key interests and values–but we had something special and I thought he was going to be the man I grew old with. I really loved him and still miss him.

    He came upon some challenges with money, the kids’ schooling, and some health concerns in the fall. This caused him to very, very suddenly cut it off over the phone a few short weeks after a weekend where he showered me with a string of professions of how much he loved me and that we wee going to be together. I totally believed him and was a vulnerable as I have ever been with anyone. I can be guarded and so wanted to give him everything. I was, needless to say crushed. This happened right before my 40th birthday. He said that he needed to be alone and focus on his health, his kids, and his work. I struggled for a few months, but was finally fine as spring came into season. This period was additionally challenging because my grandmother and a few other people dear to me passed away. I am normally a pretty resilient person, but this was really hard. I feared I might be dealing with some real depression. I wrote him in April upon finding a memento from a special weekend. I let him know I was really good and wished him well. I was really feeling at peace, only to have that pulled out from under me when I learned about two weeks later that he was to be married to the woman he had been with before me in mid-June. How did he have the time to get himself together, pursue her, work through their relationship, plan a wedding and get married? Was everything he said to me about needing space a lie? If he was not that into it why say all the things he did? What have I done to deserve such bad treatment? I was there for him through thick and thin. I loved him for who he was and he dumped me so harshly. Why?

    He swears that he did not cheat on me…but I am tormented about this. I can barely consider dating and he has gone and gotten married. This thought sits in the back of my mind constantly. I am angry and frustrated, feeling that I have failed. I admit that a huge component of my angst is that I can’t believe this is my life at 40. I wanted family, I thought we we a good team, and in love. If he needed to be with her why not just say so? I loved his children and was working to be a good step-mother, excited for the experiences we would share and feeling that I could bring some good things to their lives. I never even got to say goodbye to them. Why be so cold? He must not have really cared for me… He swears he loved me and, partially because I have written him dozens of times, he is not speaking to me. He has never told me what was wrong with us. What was wrong with me? I am now so fearful to try again. I fear a rejection of this nature. I know I can’t hide forever and so want to be able to have a clear sense of closure with this man. However, I doubt I will ever get this communication from him. It torments me. I wonder, “why can’t he just tell me that he loved me but it would not work out for xxx reason?” I feel I can
    work with tangible concepts and that this shadowy behavior is so painful. I find myself wanting to turn the relationship over and over again in my mind, seeking the answer. How do I move forward without feeling like I have to carry around the weight of fear and rejection?

  41. Its so funny when you are with a woman for sometimes smiling, sharing your dreams,then the next time you find out that this same woman have no respect for you and don’t care what you will go through if she leaves..Women don’t look back if they wanna hurt a man….its just a month I started with my girlfriend and we both act as couples already..we are always happy together but just recently she started acting funny..she does not pick my calls yet she tells me she have feelings for me..I see her with another guy..Imagining how u feel when u see your woman with another guy kissing and holding hands…I have been in pains for two weeks..My heart is really disturbed, I shed tears like a baby..I loved her so much that when I see her pass by I still feel this pains in me…I hardly fall in love but when I fall, I fall for real…I don’t knw what to do..my heart is aching…Its hard to letgo..I am just 23 years and m having a serious issues now because of my girlfriend…

  42. I have read some of the stories here and I have to say this may be one of the better things I have found as of late. I’m a 27 year old man who lives in a fairly small town that I grew up and live in currently. I once moved to Illinois for 3 years with a good friend but ended up moving back. My story starts about 8 months ago when I started a job with the same person I lived with in Illinois. This was a brand new restaurant with all new employees and I was somewhat excited because I like meeting new people(and making money). My old roommate was the kitchen manager and there were a couple other new managers also. One of them was her. The second I saw this girl I thought she was absolutely the cutest thing I had ever seen and I knew I wanted to get to know her. I’m not always the best at approaching people, but for some reason every time I saw her I would say anything and for I just knew she liked me. At that point, I always looked forward to when she was working because it just made me so excited. We would have small conversations with a bunch of us and one day I found out that she was married. It didn’t bother me too much at the time but I still liked her. Shortly after the restaurant had opened I found out from my manager that she had found another job and her last day was Sunday. For some reason I was just so disappointed and felt the need to do something about it. I was in the office that night and she was there and I asked her about it and it just ended up a normal conversation. She didn’t know I would miss her at this point. The next week I got a friend request from her on Facebook and my heart melted. I told her that I missed her and she responded with the same. From there we started having conversations and they definitely grew to be more than friendly. She used to live about 30 minutes away from the restaurant I was still working at and she drove almost 3 hours through the snow storm to pick up her last paycheck. We ended up talking for a while and I could just feel it. She later told me that she really just came to see me because she could have waited to get her paycheck. As more conversations happened I began to learn that she was not happy with her marriage at the time. I remember the first time I saw her at a local bar where I live. I was with my old roommate and she knew she was coming but didn’t tell me. I was just sitting there facing towards the door keeping to myself. I look up and there she is walking in. My heart seriously dropped for at least 15 minutes. I went up and gave her the biggest hug ever and couldn’t even talk right for a while. The night went well and when she had to leave I already knew I wanted to kiss her more than anything in the world. So I asked her if I could walk her out and I just did it. I think my heart grew about 3 sizes. After this I found out she was planning on moving somewhere closer to her new job. She ended up moving to my town literally a couple streets over from me and I was ecstatic. She would take walks and come visit me in the freezing cold and we would just stand in my driveway and make-out for about 15 minutes and that was the best part of my day hands down. We went out on the weekends and talked about the future and she would tell me that she just hopes I am able to wait for her to figure things out. I decided I would wait it out even though at times I felt like giving up considering she was technically taken. We hung out more and at the end of the night we would sit in my driveway and kiss for about 2 hours(sorry about all this kiss talking). I don’t remember feeling this way about someone since I was in grade school. I actually got excited when I got to see her. Being apart from her I always missed her. Overall, I ended up loving her more than anything. We didn’t see each other for long either which was the weird part because I am not like that at all. What broke it all was when I got to stay a whole night with her. We were at my old roommates apartment and we finally got to be alone and for some reason decided to take it to that ultimate step. We got intimate and it was something that lasted until the morning. We finally ended up asleep and when we woke up I could just see the guilt pouring out of her eyes. Nothing will bring a married woman closer to her husband than having sex with someone else. Bottom line. I still wish I would have just held on to her and just went to sleep. At this point, she was very busy with work and was working too much to be able to see me during the week. That weekend we hung out and I just wasn’t myself. I decided to try and prove a point by acting as if we were just not together at all and she did not take well to it all. She left when I wasn’t looking. My heart hurt so bad I just walked home half drunk. We talked more and she got rid of her Facebook for work reasons so we talked via e-mail(I didn’t have a cell phone at the time). Note that she has two kids also. Anyways, she went back to her husband out of guilt and left me out to hang. I went into this mode of just e-mailing her constantly and she would not reply and I just felt so crazy inside. She finally e-mailed me back saying that she was sorry and that she has been trying to make up to him for what he doesn’t know. She thought she was a horrible person and I guess in many people’s eyes she is. I didn’t know what to do. I would take walks just to see if her car was in the driveway. It had been about 2 months that I have not spoken to her and I actually decided to walk by her house and I noticed something different. The front curtains were open and the light was on but everything just looked ’empty’. I built up a little courage and just walked right up to the window to see absolutely nothing. My heart broke all over again. She moved and I don’t even know where. In the last e-mail I received she said that she would be my friend and not stop talking to me because that was all that I was asking for at the time. Well, that’s exactly what happened and she moved and I have no idea where. I lost my favorite person in the whole world. There really was something so different about her that I can’t even explain through words and to this day not much has changed. Its been about 4 months since I’ve talked to her at all. Its weird how love can change you. I still love her to this day and would do absolutely anything for her. Maybe one day she will try and contact me…maybe not. Either way, I have to try my hardest to move on and work on myself until I know I’m ready for another relationship. There are so many details that have been left out but I hope I got my main message across. There is no time limit on love. It can take the longest or shortest amount of time to fall in love with someone. There is no time limit. Just remember, it only takes that one moment for it all to fall to pieces so whatever you do, if you love her truly, give her every piece of you because you may never get that chance again. .

  43. I had overcame the pain of my destroyed marriage. I met him when I was just turned 19, got pregnant and married him at 22, we lived an awful life for 4-1/2 years until he finally decided to divorced me. On those married years he cheated on me many times with 2 different girls, one of those was his best friend’s sister. We split on April 2010 and it was a very hard time for me and my 4-1/2 yr old son. I could not get up to take him to school, missed many days of work, had no appetite, all i wanted was to sleep and sleep and sleep. My son at his short age was encouraging me to get out of bed, make him food, and of course, the “hurting myself” thoughts were always there. Never actually tried, but used to think that if i hurt myself would probably make him come back with me {yeah so stupid of me thinking that}. After a few weeks I was hanging out with a friend and eventually became lovers it did not last long, then I met this guy who got so obssesed with me and well it freaked me out, then met few guys but I did not know what I wanted. So i stopped trying to find one for 14 months. My ex moved in to live with her and gotten married. I am still single and I am talking to this guy who is almost 5 yrs older then me and I am willing to try to work it out since I KNOW what I want now.

  44. Its been 7 months since i split up from my boyfriend. We were together for 12 years, i met and fell in love with him at university. He was my first love and we moved in together after uni and started our life together. Through thick and thin we stuck together and supported one another through changing fortunes but deep down i didnt feel he was the one for me. He never seemed to show me the love and affection i craved. I knew we would never get married but i couldnt leave him. We had too much in common, we shared so many interests and friends, i was very close to his family and he to mine.

    During the last 2 years of our relationship he started to go out more, always putting dates in his phone to do stuff, sometimes i was included in his plans, often not. My self confidence really waned during this time and i no longer wanted to go out socialising like he did and i became more and more depressed. I went to therapy because i thought it was my fault the relationship wasnt working. I shared my experiences from therapy with him but he didnt invest any of his time to try and work it out like i did.

    Eventually he decided it was time to call it a day, just before christmas last year. He told everbody that we were seperating and needed to be apart for a while. I believed it was a mutual decision but now i realise it was his choice. I knew it was the end but i hoped in my heart that time apart would make him realise how special i was and how he had behaved cruelly to me. I now know he had met somebody new and this gave him the courage to finish it with me, although he didnt have the courage to tell me or everyone else the truth.

    He moved in with this girl straight way and he has fallen head over heels in love with her. She is the opposite of me, she is carefree, outgoing, loud, confident, a real party girl. He has an amzing network of new friends around him now and im stuck with the old mutual friends circle who feel awkward and torn between the two of us. Every insecurity i have about myself is intensified by his choice to be with her. This is so painful even after 7 months and i still cant sleep properly thinking anout them together and how i cant believe he has moved on from me when i am still in so much pain. It seems extraordinary that even though i knew in my head that he wasnt the right one, i still feel totally heartbroken.

  45. Inspiring stories, I feel very moved to be reading these posts and sharing in this community of hopefullness.
    My story, started 10 years ago, in my first year of high school, wen I met the love of my life. He was, at the time, my very first boyfriends roomate. I had been dating this guy for about a month, him and his friends had just graduated from the high school I was attending, and moved into the apartment complex across form my sister and I. The first night I had met his roomate, I just knew. I was 15…..and I thought I knew all about love. Nope-didnt know what hit me. My first boyfriend and I broke up when I was 19, but his roomate and I stayed friends. I dated another boy in between for about 3 years, whom I did love, but when that fell thru, there was the roomate, waiting for me. It was like, he was there the whole time, right under my nose, being a gentle, caring, loving friend. It was so electric, like trying to stop two magnets from connecting with each other. there was just no stopping it. He’s a very romantic, funny, and sweet person, but unfortantly, and not by any fault of his, he has a bit of baggage. He adopted his sisters, for his parents were not deemed legally fit to take care of them and had them taken away.
    As a parent, he is just wonderfull. At the time we had first gotten together….It was hard for me to come to terms with not being his #1 priorty in his life. Thats hard for a 23 year old girl to understand. I was also coming out of that damaged relationship, and so things became very hard to manage.
    3 years later, and we have recently broken up. He says he needs space and time to figure out his life, he was starting to doubt if he wanted children, which is understandable, becuz starting from age 25, he had 2 kids already. Still, it became a wedge between us, one that we could not dislodge.
    I feel as though he is my Kindred, and ive never believed in that sort of stuff before. Im not naiive, I know that there were a lot more issues we had then just that, but ultimately, I love him very much, and I wanted something he was just not ready for. He already had it. He says he has a feeling that this is not the end for us. Its a challenge everyday to keep away from him, if giving him space and time is what he needs, well then I’ll do my best to do that. I just hope one day he finds that he is on the same path as me again, he was not only my lover, but my best friend, my twin soul. Thank u, too everyone on this forum for having the courage to share their heartaches and their pain. xoxo

  46. I had been with my husband for 9yrs. 4yrs married. All was good – we were best friends as well as husband and wife. I couldn’t of asked for a better husband, no arguments, no stress, just love and happiness. Then all of a sudden he changed towards me this year. Turns out he met someone else on a business trip and allowed himself to get emotionally involved with her. I had only just had a miscarriage and was ready to try again for a baby. I am 38 and want a family more than anything, now it seems i may never have one as we are getting divorced. Not only has he broken my heart and walked away from a long and stable relationship, but he has taken away all my dreams. I think he has been selfish. I told him that we all meet attractive people, but being married means you don’t act on it – thats the whole point of marriage. He is trying to say that it isn’t his fault how he feels, yet that is a cowards answer – he made a consious choice.

  47. Thank you to all who have posted and shared your stories.

    I met my ‘bubbie’ back in 2005 when I was 25 and he 35. We worked together in the same department and were both in relationships at the time. I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex that had been on the decline for some time. I was not in an emotionally good place – working 80+ hour weeks, suffering from a pretty intense eating disorder and negative body image, just beginning to finally mourn the death of my father (I was 19). Bubbie was married with 3 children. Before things started with ‘B’ I had a brief inappropriate relationship with another married man in my office that left me feeling very empty and confused – it also pushed me to finally move out of the apartment I was sharing with my boyfriend and get a place on my own to figure things out. The relationship with the first man opened my eyes to the world of affairs and I remember thinking that when B started flirting with me that this must be something he had done before because he was so good and making me feel so special.

    Our relationship started with flirtation mostly initiated by him. We would get coffee together, then it was a drink after work. It didn’t take much time for things to turn very physical. And it wasn’t much longer after that that we were both madly in love. He made me feel beautiful and like the only woman in the world. Spending time with him awakened my spirit and made me feel more intense emotions than I thought possible. Shortly thereafter, I officially ended the relationship with my boyfriend. B has told me from the start that he was in a very unhappy marriage. And that the final wedge was that his wife got pregnant with their 3rd child without his consent. He talked of plans to leave from Day 1.

    Needless to say, things did not go as planned. There were alot of lies and false promises. He told me he had filed for divorce that first year and then ended up pulling the filing (I don’t think that ever happened). He also bought her a $1million house that year. He did get an apartment in the city around the corner from me in 2006. From the beginning, he spent a great deal of time with me, staying over at my place most weekday nights, but was with his children at their family house every other weekend. He told me that his wife would leave when he was there. Despite not fully believing that, it was hard for me to think that he could be in a viable relationship with his wife . He actually filed for divorce in 2007. But after that point I caught him in some significant and heartbreaking lies. He went on two family vacations with his wife and lied to me about where he was and what he was doing. His divorce case was on the docket for 2 years and he finally pulled the filing in 2009.

    What I also need to mention is what was going on in my life during this time. I felt like I was constantly chasing his promises. I was always waiting for the next development so that we were one step closer to being together for ever. I was MADLY in love with him (and I believe he was with me), but I couldn’t bare the idea of being his mistress and looking back after years and regretting everything (funny how that pretty much happened anyway). So, I dated other people. Over the course of being together I had two other individuals I would call ‘boyfriends” and dated quite a few more. This absolutely crushed ‘B’. He was maddened by it, which I thought was such a double standard. I actually think the was verging on stalking on me – tried to break into my email/vm, etc. And I always went back to him in the end.

    Did I mention that throughout most of this time I kept my entire relationship with B secret. Eventually, I told my friends. I think my coworkers would have been blind to not know. My mother and I have never spoken of it to this day. My initial ex that I left for ‘B’ also knows about him – we are actually still best friends to this day.

    After 2009 when he pulled the divorce filings I was the lowest place I had ever been. I was drinking really heavily and taking rx anti-anxiety pills. I actually had a chemically induced ‘break’ for about a week in April of that year and nearly overdosed. I pulled away from B entirely, but he wasn’t gone for good. I had a very difficult family situation that summer and I let him back into my life then. I didn’t know how to cope with anything.

    We continued on and off through 2010 and our last significant time together was in June when we went on a trip together (I also kept that a secret). Shortly thereafter I learned he had moved back home. That was it for me. I cut him out and kept him out with the exception of an occassional email, text, gchat. We would continue to express our love, though.

    I met my now fiance in June 2010. In October, 2011 for the first time since I met B, B’s wife tried to call me. She actually called my mother’s house which is my listed number, but didn’t leave a message. I immediately texted B with a ‘wtf” as we really hadn’t seen eachother, but I secretly knew this must mean he was seeing someone else. I got engaged this past December. Shortly thereafter my close friend and former co-worker ran into B and he told her he was living in the city again. Upon hearing this, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I started reaching out. I told him I was engaged – he said that was devastating for him to hear. We saw eachother for a couple drinks – I told him I was happy. He admitted he had been ‘dating’, but said there was no one serious. He said the relationship with his wife is done – but he still hadn’t filed for divorce.

    Over the last couple months, I have texted and gchatted with him quite a bit – all mostly my initiative. I think about him all the time. I compare my feelings and passion and lifestyle with him to that with my fiance – and I feel lost and empty in my current place. We saw eachother a few weeks back (I asked to celebrate with him when he sold the business he is running – so once again my trying very hard). That night we made out and he wanted me to go home with him. I didn’t. The next day he attributed that to too much alcohol, he said I am engaged, and pretty much admitted to trying and pull away from me. We have seen eachother twice since. In a way that’s not platonic, but not physcial. I kissed him the second to last time – my initiative.

    And that brings this long story to now. I saw him on Monday. We went to lunch – he was helping me with some career advice (I had done the same for him the last time). We spent the day – he felt a little distant to me … eventually I had to leave for dinner. He texted that he left the last bar we were at, but to text him after if …. I did, then I called (no answer). Called like a crazy person like 4 more times and then texted “I must be a fool. He’s with someone else”. He then called. I talked to him for like 40 minutes, drunk on the street. I was crying – it’s hazy. But he basically said that he had moved on. That he had thought about me every day first thing in the morning for years, but that I am engaged and he had to get over it. It was a very painful experience. And then I went home to my fiance.

    I can’t sleep. I can barely eat. I am riddled with pain and guilt and confusion. I have come to find that the woman he is seeing is actually someone he works with now. She’s 40 and without children. I found online that her husband recently filed for divorce from her. I went so far as to call a yoga studio that is by her house that I know he goes to and get them to confirm that they have been going to classes regularly together. So, the truth is … I have been replaced. And as much hurt as his lies and the marriage and everyone else have been – this seems to sting the most. It’s no longer star-crossed lovers. It’s not something he seems to feel in the same way. And I am left wondering what is is I should do. I don’t feel these emotions for my fiance. He is a wonderful person – but he isn’t the passionate lover, driven career man, provider, and doer that ‘B’ is.

    Am I just being caught up on B because it’s possible that my fiance isn’t the right one? Or am I being a blind, dumb fool – directing my energy towards a phantom – something that was beautiful, but never really real?

    I apologize for this novel. But I needed to get this off my chest. Any and all thoughts would be so very very welcome.

    Peace and love and tranquility to you all.

  48. Great posts by all… It’s amazing how listening to others actually makes you feel better. It has made me realize that this is a great form of counseling. I was with the love of my life for a total of 6 years. We fell in love at age 24 and broke off our engagement 2 months before the wedding last June 2011. It’s been a year since we called off our wedding and although I’ve made tremendous progress, I still ache for her. You see, 5 years in to the relationship she gave me the ultimatum to marry her or move on. It pushed me to make the decision to take a break for the first time in 5 years. She was devastated… I wanted a break but not see other people. But as the story plays out… Within a few months I briefly fell in love with another girl and had a physical relationship. I felt so guilty that my feelings for the new girl dissipated quickly. I got back with my gf to make things work… I neglected to tell her about this relationship I had during our break up. She eventually found out thru Facebook and was absolutely devastated. We were off and on for the next year until I proposed in Feb of 2011 hoping it would make everything better. It started out wonderful but then in June two months before the wedding, we decided it was best to move on. Even though I had her back, I still wanted to push the wedding back. Last June was the last time I ever had my love. It’s taken a year to figure out she was the love of my life. I was a young man in my mid to late 20’s and my focus was on my career. I think that I lost sight of what was important to me… The love of my life. Over the last year I’ve dated some tremendous young ladies but I am incapable of living again. I’m still in love with her… She has found someone that is wonderful. It hurts, but I’m truly happy for her. She is an amazing young woman. My lover, my best friend of 6 years… No more. So there’s my story. 30, single, career is taking off and Ive never missed her more 🙂 Crazy how you have to lose something to really understand the depth of its existence. One year down the hatch… Looking forward to what the next year holds 🙂 Thank you all for listening and I truly hope that your pain subsides. It truly gets better… Thank you 🙂

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