When Your Heart & Mind Disagree About The Break-Up

You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”

The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.

The concept of alignment will help you understand why you may have been in a relationship that was not good enough for you. It will also help you understand how to use your logic to help heal your broken heart. Let’s look at some more examples of what happens when your heart and mind disagree with one another.

Scenario 1 – During the Relationship

Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”

If you were in a relationship where it was obvious that you were not receiving the love, respect, and engagement that you deserve, then your mind was probably nudging you during the relationship and asking you, “Why are we still here?” You remained in that relationship for longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and relationship could change.

Your heart believed that it was better to be in a relationship that was mediocre than to be alone. Your heart was saying to you, “Hey, give it a chance, it’s not that bad.” Your mind and heart were not aligned and this probably led to fighting, to an internal struggle, and eventually the break up. Often when we want more from a relationship than we are getting, we continually try to get ‘more’ by attempting to change the person we are with or by forcing other changes in the relationship. This is generally a destructive path.

Scenario 2 – During the Relationship

Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”

When one partner in a relationship is not happy, they usually provide indications either verbally, in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, or via non-verbal actions of their discontent. If you are the other partner that is madly in love, you do actually receive the red flags as signals in your mind. Unfortunately, your heart overpowers your logic in this case. Your heart speaks so loudly about how in love you are and how perfect everything is, that you drown out the messages your mind has received.

Eventually, after the break up, it is easier to see the red flags were present in your relationship. You also may realize that some of the reason you were deeply attached to your ex was because you loved the idea of being in love. If you relate to this scenario, remember, you deserve a love with equal give and take. Reciprocity is essential to the success of a relationship and you should never have to convince someone to love you as much as you love them.

Scenario 3 – After the Break Up

Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”

After your break up, if you sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, you will hear hope inside. This hope is telling you that you will feel better, that you will live life once again with passion, and that you will experience love once again. The information you are being sent from your mind  is based on your history and the fact that you have overcome obstacles in the past. Your mind remembers the times where you have faced adversity and have come out on the other side stronger and brighter. Your heart is speaking out of fear; listen to your mind – it has a strong basis for giving you hope.

Listen to words from friends, family, and counselors even if they do not feel like they are helping to heal your broken heart. Every single word helps. Listen to every word someone with experience has to tell you. Up until now, we haven’t discussed the subconscious mind. Positive messages to your subconscious mind can overpower negative ones from your heart. Everything you are reading and listening to about healing is entering your subconscious and will help you heal faster.

Above I have discussed the logical mind being overpowered by a somewhat illogical heart. Please note, the situation can certainly occur in reverse. Your heart may experience genuine love yet have seeds of doubt planted by an insecure mind. In either situation, if you are looking to heal your heartache from your current break up, please know it is possible.

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Hi there, thanks for writing in. I’m out of the office today, but wanted to let you know I received your email and will get back to you by tomorrow.

Love & Light,

Amelie Chance
Certified Coach of Positive Psychology
Heal My Broken Heart


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562 thoughts on “When Your Heart & Mind Disagree About The Break-Up”

  1. I met my ex in 10th grade and my dad never liked him because of the way he treated me and talked to me. My ex decided to beat some girl up because she spit on him. He’s that type of person to act out how he feels and gets into fights for the littlest things. But, I decided to go out with him anyways because I was so scared that I wouldn’t find anyone better. My ex claimed that he loved me and we would stay up for hours texting each other. He was OK with keeping the relationship a secret from my parents and that was the one thing my father didn’t like. His parents were OK with it to. Just recently in my 3rd year of high school. My dad found out that I was still talking to him and went to the office because I would cry about all that’s going on, and I wasn’t getting what I wanted from him. He is very aggressive and for some reason I was OK with it. He told the school that he was harassing me and would aggressively put his hands on me. So, I decided to finally not talk to him and break things off. But it definitely didn’t happen for long. I decided to text him and he called my dad a bitch and said that his mom hates me (I really don’t know why. Like she knew my dad didn’t like him, and she was ok with us hiding from my dad like I got in trouble 3 times for going out with him) and that he’s not even supposed to be talking to me but he’s talking to me anyways. Then claimed that he still loves me and won’t be able to talk to me or see me for a while. The thing is that I’m not surprised he gave up, and I’m kind glad something happened. Because I would’ve been in a bad relationship. A relationship in which he talks to me horribly and doesn’t care what happens to me. He even said he wasn’t gonna chase after me as if I was nothing to work for. I’m heart broken but the more I write about this, the more it makes sense to me. I believe I can find better. So much better then him.

  2. My story is a crazy. I have a boyfriend of 3 years. Since he move to somewhere else in the country, things had changed. We always have communication problems but things got worse in long distance relationship. Had try to talk things through but didn’t work and I cant let go. That was when I got introduced to a guy friend 3 years younger than me. He had a girlfriend (which i didn’t know initially) but was being very nice to me, like out of the way nice. Long story short we went into a secret relationship, not the friend’s of benefit kind, he had problems with his relationship and so do I, so we both talked about our relationship, we both didnt want to get out from our current relationships, no sex were involved but we made out sometimes. He was very sweet and nice to me, and he was also very attached to me, stay in my house and all. That was until he went out station for a work trip, he became a changed person, not as affectionate as before, and was kinda cold towards me. When he was back after a 1 month trip, we dated a few times but he seems like a changed person from before the trip. I talk to him, and initially he just told me that he needed some time to figure things out, then later on, he went on telling me he actually broke up with his gf, then he actually had a crush on his childhood friend whom he met when he went back for hiking trip before the out station. I called it off immediately then, feeling cheated and heart broken. I know I am not much better, cheating on my boyfriend and stuff. And I believed him when he told me he love me and wish that we had met earlier. And now as easy as this he had moved on to the other girl. I feel I dont have the right to be sad or feel cheated but I do. I also know this whole thing is wrong and I should have call this on much earlier, and it’s also wrong that I had develop expectations from him. He makes me feels like I too deserve someone who loves me properly, treats me properly and makes me a priority in life, even considering that perhaps I deserve better than what my boyfriend gives me. But with his confession of felling for someone else, I feel really cheated with the sweet talk, and feeling stupid for believing in the sweet talk as well. Now I feel extra lonely and depressed.

  3. hi i m dating my school friends who i know since 7 years and hav been dating since 2 and half . Because of family pressure at my house we decided to tell our parets , my parents are fine – they are looking into it. We fight for things that arent imp – that are in the past. We both have high temper issues. He has a problem with admitting his faults too. I know i love him i know he loves me too deep inside but for some reason i am worried am not doing right – i am not sure if v shud marry

  4. I was 13 years old when i started geting introuble in school and at home, so i started to quote with my problem by running away when i started to do that i started to skeep school and to smoke marijuana to numb my situacion so i was at the run onces and the police found me walking so they picked me up ask for my adress and took me home but, home was not my home it was a empty house so they , say i try taking you home you lie so your going to the detacion home so there he took me i was in my room then when to turning point then after a couple weeks home so then i went home i was doing great but problems let me to runaway i found happyness hanging with homeless pepole and friends and stragers then when i turn 14 i disieded to go to the detacion home the police was called for me and then they dint not took me they took me home.AFTER mouth at staying at home i meet this lady she was 25 and i liked her so much because she was always nice to me and all the kids and neigbers, so after a couple of weeks i known her i also hang out and played basketball with her and her husband and babydad she hade to little babys girls so one day im walking and some friends told me he was cheating and then i felt bad insied because all she did was give his all to him.one day i go over there house and she was not home but he say i can hang around that day he disrespect me and try to ask me to have sex so i said ewwww no i was always feeling like a boy even thogh i was a girl ,so i hade that words said to him she loves u so much u should get help and stop cheating karma its a bitch. So aFTER 1 week i go back there right next to my house i go visit i say hello how are you she was puting food in the cabnet so i help then i tell her why you let him cheat on you she looked at me and felt sad i see it on her eyes and he try to come at me she then always loved me.so after mount there i one day kissed her and told her im sorry but i have to help you get over him , she said but your a kid i can get introuble then i said no because i was the one who kissed u no u . she smile and kissed me right back she and i became kissers and i sucked her boobes onces so then one day no one was home not even the girls so i and her tryed to do the sex part i got scared i freked out and walk away so then i tryed to kiss her and it was not happening so i started running away and then geting introuble i always give nmy all when i love someone and then after i return home i was always geting dog by my family about how bad ii was in school and how i always made mom suffer and worry so then after one day i went over my mom send my brother to get me this women was mastervating cause i could have sex i dint know what to do to a grown women so there was a vibrater in the closet my brother say what its that he step in and found it and said he was gonna tell mom that i was over there doing things with that women, i was not she dint let me ,but i guess i dint care and we go back home and then everyone like my uncle and all my brothers and sisters and step dad and causens were all talking to me about my behaviour so i went down to the basment and turned the lights of in the basment and talked and fighting the air and screming growling and crying and fear less so then mom open the door and say to get out the basment i said no she said now so i came up and locked myself in the bathroom and started cuting my self and mom say to get out i said no..im at home i just want to be alone so then when this voice i recounice came to the door saying baby comeout theres alot of polices offecer out sied it was the girl from next door i open and said what, then behind her was a tall wide cop saying with his finger come here come out i just want to talk to you i said NO fuck you u not my dad.then i try closing the door and he got a hold of it then i run away he picked me up on the air but i put my legs on the wall and push on it so he hade called alot of back up then i got away and then rain to the living room ware i seen lost of lights out sied and i start running up stares and he grab and takel me and slam me on the couch i refuesd he pull his tacer gun and i calm down then took me out sied back up was coming up the door so they started lauging and saying you call for this little thing.so then after i went in the car my untiy was telling mom on spanish to say she hit me and they will take me so then my mom says no .she dint do that and i wont do that to my baby.so then the officer talk to me and askes me whats wrong i told him lock me up im tierd i prover to be in dh but then he says no u can be one of us one day .so then he let me go that same night i run away was gone for alot of mounths so till i got tierd and disided to call and they took me and then i go to the dh and meet the most sexyes women of my live she was a co worker who i love to talk to at first it was my herat beets so crazy to see her and then time flyes i capt coming back to dh just to see her so then i was readying her heart and her ways so then we became really close she blushes for me and one time on gym there shares for staff i set there and then put my legs up on her share and she dint mind she said u like that i said oh yes i love it im just tierd i acted like a grown men for her i stayed to myself so she wont look at me as a kid and then she got closer to me too so i was back a turning point and then she came to see me asek the same day my relise was coming i was so happy then she and i spock and huged then she gave me the green light to contact her same day she visit thangs to migel cottos fight i won her love over a fighting match i kissed her and said sorry and she dint care she kissed right back and she got up and left but she came back i made love to her and after 6 years togather we got worest i cant finish this its to hurtful i miss her so much its like i grow with her she was my all i want her back but i have to be okay this its a fast short story one day i will post the book maybe send it to a movie writer it was so beuatiful and so romatic 2012 vs 2017 now been away since augost 27 2017 and most stressful and sad situacions in live could make a ass out u for no resones i will always love her regarless but i will never look for again/. I save her live once in a hold hostage I got in front of the gun and I also walked under water accros a pool and then I also brave under water for her missing her and memories are beautiful and days not the same without her but I’m strong

  5. I’m currently in a situation of my mind and heart not telling me the same things. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We had it all for the first three and a half then things just started going down hill. He is sweet and does do a lot for me to this day but he also puts me down. He makes me feel like I’m worthless. All of 2017 I was depressed. I stayed in bed, lost my job due to calling in because I couldn’t get up and dressed. In November of 2017 I started getting a little better. Could actually get out and decided to give it another try because he said he would change. Well here we are and he is back to putting me down constantly. Our friends constantly ask why I am with him and tell me they are sorry for the things he says and does. I love him to death but I just don’t know what to do. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. Do I stay and hope things go back to how they used to be like my heart says or do I start 2018 on my own like my mind says. I don’t know life without him and I’m just stuck.

    • Oh! My god I thought I was alone around here! Thank god!! I am feeling just like you. I am having the worst beginning of year ever. But you know the worst that can happen that we have to say goodbye and start hurting. But we are already hurting. This program works!! I am getting the hand of it. We are so many I don’t understand why this place is not full of people talking it will make the process soooo much easier and less lonely. Just try you are on the right track!! I hope you came back to read this!! We can do it you’ll see.

    • If he loves you why he’s acting like this ? You should talk things with him but nicely . Honestly anyone would tell you to leave him but I know this is so hard and you’re ganna blame yourself and you will keep wondering” what if”. So my advice to you is go and talk to him . If you can’t talk guys then this is really not a healthy relationship for you and whether you stayed with him or not , don’t do my mistake , love him death that’s fine but don t ignore your job, friends, family even your hobbies . Don’t make your life all about him cuz if he’s gone , you will have nothing .

  6. To anyone reading this always follow your heart because your heart tells you the right way…. Never go near someone when you no fully well there not right for you from the start because you’ll save yourself from a broken heart look 2 don’t look for love let it come naturally because there feelings will be mutual and it’s fate I’m not gonna waste my time on dating sites and random guys who want todate from Facebook…. I feel in love once when I was 16 I was with him 9 years he went off with my brothers girlfriend since then 6 years ago I decided to date pointless relationships I hurt them I got hurt so now iv Decided for love to come like lighting and if it don’t then it don’t but at least I don’t have to make any mistakes again

  7. I have been torn for years. I know in my head what is the right thing to do, but how do you stop your heart, from stopping you from doing the right thing?

  8. It’s been 3 weeks since my ex decided to break-up with me because of my depression and negativity. We’ve been together for 7 years and 6 months. After reading this blog/article, I began to realize that it’s programmed into our heart to alleviate the pain by giving us hope that this person is going to come back. I remember a week ago where I was debating myself whether to send the e-mail or not. I opted to send it because my heart was pushing me to do so. I did feel temporary relief after I sent it. But the aftermath is terrible! Please, if someone broke-up with you, please, please, please be strong enough to resist the urge because it’s not worth it! You’ll find yourself checking your e-mail everyday if he/she replied. It’s horrible and I believe it aggravated the heartache more because your expectations weren’t met. 🙁

  9. Trying to deal with this heart breaking.I started dating one of my high school friends who had a crush on me.I moved away we lost contact he ended up getting married his wife left him for another man he asked for divorce she want sign now he moving away he said his heart with me but his mine somewhere else he say he loves me we been dating for two years can’t stop crying he said he don’t want to go in a relationship with a lot of badge

  10. Trying to deal with this heart breaking.I started dating one of my high school friends who had a crush on me.I moved away we lost contact he ended up getting married his wife left him for another man he asked for divorce she want sign now he moving away he said his heart with me but his mine somewhere else he say he loves me we been dating for two years can’t stop crying

  11. I am 14 I liked a guy day by day got crazy about him I slowly realised that I am in love with him and I accepted the same from him . One more thing he dint know I was in love with him but once my class got it they spreaded i thought i will find some improvements in my one way love but no something else happend which I dint want to happen he dint accept me I broke down . But still now everyone in my class don’t tease us because they got to know that I am in depression ….now after almost 6 months I saw him getting closer to me but I don’t know my heart says yes but my soul says no if he comes near i start melting like ice but if someone say he loves you my soul starts saying no………

  12. hi iam 27 yrs old.. I had a relationship with a guy. we loved eachother for 3 yrs…
    we can’t get married..because of some personal matters.. I saw him first in a shop that he had worked… and I felt to make a friendship with him. then I saw him in Facebook…and sent friend request.
    after a week.. he accepted my request..
    then we talked everyday and get more closer..
    he alrdy said he won’t marry me. but I thought he would change his mind after knowing me deeply….he always used to say that he is very feared to go-ahead… I always confused in his love and a question raised in my heart does he loves me or not?? I sacrificed my time every night to chat with him.. because of his work .
    but now he ignoring me… his age is 27 too.
    when we were friends…he told me at once that he will get married in his age 28 ..
    so many times he tried to giveup on me..
    but I waited him always and thought he would become much better…
    i don’t know what to do??? he dont atleast reply to my msgs now. b
    he says please try to understand me..
    iam getting tensed now about you..
    you know everything that I can’t marry you..
    we should stop this relationship..
    he says he luvs me soo much..
    I don’t think so… and my heart is breaking.

    I loves him soo much more than anything in this world.. 🙁
    he want to marry other girl..
    please say helpful advice to me that I can giveup him too

  13. I’m 16 and a sophomore in high school. I met my ex boyfriend, I should call him my ex cuz he dumped me. But anyway I first met him when I was in 8th grade and he was in 7th. We had an on and off relationship but we tried to make it work cuz we loved each other. We got back together after another breakup in July of this year. On Tuesday night he texted me telling me he was breaking up with me and he just wanted to be friends. And so I asked him why and he wouldn’t tell me a real reason why. My friend Autumn found out he broke up with me and asked him what happened and why he did it and he said it was because he has more priorities than to be focused on me and I’m guessing that means he doesn’t care about me anymore. It’s just a long complicated confusing story. So he broke up with me Tuesday night. Ever since then I’ve been in so much pain. Heartbroken, crying, locking myself up in my room whenever I possibly could, and I’m now finding myself to be very irritable with people. Most of the time it’s for no reason. Like very little things will piss me off. My friends have told me to try focusing on other things besides him but I don’t think I can cuz I still love him. And I feel stupid, dumb, and guilty for it. I really don’t know what to do right now. He really hurt my heart and I don’t know why in the heck I still love him.

    • Oh my goodness same thing happened with me and my ex I’m a freshmen in highschool me and him met when I wa sin 8th grade and he was in 7th we were on and off and he just dumped me for no reason what so ever I swear I cared about him so much but he like broke me and to this day I’m still hurt by it , but I don’t feel as much pain as I used to but ever now and then the feeling will take back over me . He knew what he was doing all along and I’m dumb enough to go back to him time after time . I allowed this to happen to myself . But keep your head up . Things will get better

  14. Hi,
    I am 24 and never believed in love, but don’t know how fell in love last yr…things were going good, both of us informed our family and there were no issues from their side. But the real drama came when he started loosing interest in me and our meeting and time of talking together started reducing. In the starting it was like okay, there shd be some freedom also friends also but now after break up am thinking that was our biggest mistake. Now what all i can see in his eyes is anger when am talking with other guys and carefree attitude towards me which always left me crying secretly every now and then. If you are still in love then please make a note talking and sharing your emotions everyday is a must for happy relationship.

    • Hello dear, if last line is the must I think there’s no understanding and more of a pile on kind of thing in the rship I suppose. No hard feelings though

    • Hi khushboo ,

      don’t worry about these type of persons and try to live happily ,i can understand your pain because i’m also suffering from same conditions.
      just think that if he can live so why you can’t ??

  15. My husband has crushed my heart and soul and mind….i try to not think about it but I’m still in love with him even though he left me for someone else….at times I don’t think that I am going to make it I wear a fake smile pretend everything is ok in front of others and all I want to do is cry….it’s eating me alive…im terrified to move on

  16. I am 43 and he is 46, I live his 3 children 17,10 and 8..My lover run away from me 5 days ago. He switched off phone and coz of Love I traveled 200 km to search for him, his parents home, friends and also my relative cannot find him. He has done the same 3 times since our marriage of 3 years. I have been in scenario 1 supto now. I am sick and in the hospital after realizing he is with another.

  17. hi all,but my sitution is differ,she is happy with me,but she had a family issue ,she is not able to hurt them,and according to me, she is 100% right, and she denies to marry me in starting,and told me the reason,i agreed with her, and that bad come while she engaged with someone,we still love each other ,so how should i come out from it

  18. Heart brake syndrome is a real medical term used by professional medical practitioners. I have read some serious responses to this topic in many forms and although you may not realize you’re writing about having broken heart syndrome & I apologize to those of you whom feel I might be a bit obtuse in my writing suggesting this here but to all of you, God bless your loving hearts. Think of those, along the road in your life who did/do love you. Think about how happy they made/make you, how happy they leave/left you feeling, how happy you leave/left them feeling. Sometimes, lovers were just not meant to be together for one reason or another. We all have many pages in our book of life, some of us are in the 20th chapter, on page 65,839, others in the 120th chapter, on page 2 million something and may have even read a couple chapters from others books as well. Just because we see all the wrong, unjust, unequaled, un-loving doings of another, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us. Nor does it mean there’s anything wrong with them. Being immature, unjust and un-loving is just another part of being a human being. We are all animals, some of us can see this fact, while others hide from it in our distorted psychological viewpoints. It doesn’t matter if your whole relationship, you where nagging, jealous, stalking them , yelling, cuddling, kissing, hugging or even being lazy and doing nothing; as long as you loved the person you where with, that’s all that counts. That is, all that counts towards having broken heart syndrome, once its over. Now on the other hand, if you want a clear mind, take some college courses. That will require you to spend your hard earned money, in turn focusing your attention on other things, other then your heart. Unfortunately, I haven’t registered yet and my health is deteriorating as a direct cause of broken heart syndrome. I know this because every time I get dumped, I go through it. I guess I’m getting paid back for all the stupid things I do in life.

    Enough about my sorry rear end. Don’t drown in your sorrows like I have; it’s not worth it. If anything, it makes you even more unattractive, drying out your tear ducts, increasing the frown wrinkles in your face, cracking your voice from crying too loud and some of us even bang our heads against walls, leaving bruises on our foreheads, punching walls, leaving scars on our hands. At first, while we are delusional ( or still in love), we may consider these things cool, but, after years of aging, we come to realize how far from cool these things are. No, I never banged my head against a brick wall over love but as a child, seeing friends doing it, I thought was a cool thing and now realize how delusional we all can be.

    Good luck & God bless your roads!!!

    • Thank you so very much!!! My heart may be broken but your words have started the healing! It sounds nds like you beat yourself up like I do. I always blame myself. Your words are comforting, again THANK YOU!!!

  19. Thank you for this wonderful mind vs heart explanation. I’m currently struggling through a really bad heartbreak. I was with this guy for a total of 1 year 8 months. And if I’m really honest with myself, I’d say we “honestly” dated for 9 months of the that year and 8 months. When this guy approached me, I remember laughing to myself thinking, this guy really thinks I’d date him, he was far from being my type and I kept brushing him off. He had told me that he has a child and the mother of his child is in his life because he’s trying to keep his child close to him. But he assured me that he wasn’t married. 2 months down the line from him constantly never giving up on trying to get me to be with him, I eventually gave in. Needless to say, I totally and completely fell in love with the guy. He was everything I needed, said all the right things, did all the right things. He was there. 6 months into it, my mind started asking questions, like why does it feel like this guy avoids your calls at certain times, or why is it that he wont introduce you to any member of his family, or why does he seem nervous every time I mention him meeting my family. With these questions, I started asking HIM the questions. Every time I did, he’d turn around and tell me I’m crazy and overreacting to things that aren’t there. And of course, my heart over took my mind and fell for that. But since then, we started fighting on a constant. I saw him less. Spoke to him less. The little things that he used to do that made me fall in love with him eventually stopped. I’d break up with him and a week later he’d call me and ask if I’ve calmed down. All the time, it was my fault, he was never in the wrong. And every time he’d come back to win me over, my heart would say “you know what Thembi, you over reacted and he loves you, take him back because he makes you happy”. This back and forth with my mind and heart and between him and I carried on until a week ago. After not speaking for a while, he messaged me to ask if I missed him as much as he did, and of course, being the smitten woman that I am over him, I was honest and told him I missed him a lot. Then he started talking about how our relationship would be so wonderful if I just showed respect for the fact that he has children, NOTE how now it’s CHILDREN, but when we started it was a CHILD. Anyway, I fell for it again and started to feel happy that I have him back in my life. I kid you not, 3 or 4 hours later, I messaged him and asked him if he still loved me. He didn’t respond. So I sent a message back saying “yes, or no?” he responded “no”. Confused as hell, I picked up the phone and called him. That was call that would break me to complete pieces. Over the phone call, I asked him what he meant. Do you love me or not, I asked. His response was, “you know what, you and I are over, I cant do this with you. you clearly don’t understand the concept of love, but when you do one day, you must call me.” At that point I’m confused beyond confusion. So I say “then that means I’ll never call you back because I DO know what love is” and I hung up. He proceeded to send me a message wishing me well and all the best and said “bye”. Just like that all the love I had for this man was thrown right back in my face. When I responded to say to him ‘you’re killing me’ he said ‘well, kill yourself if you want, I don’t care’. The humiliation. The pain. The hurt. The confusion. The ‘what just happened’ took over all that am. This man clearly had/has a wife. She was never just the mother of his child. He played me all along. Dragged me along to no where. All those promises of us being together till the day we die. All those “I love you’s” that he gave me where ALL a lie! I don’t know how another human being can mess with someone’s heart so much and so badly and still sleep at night. I’m so broken and hurt and worse of all I feel SO humiliated. The person I loved NEVER EVER loved me. And when he said it to me, HE NEVER MEANT IT. I honestly don’t know how I’ll ever get over this. I can only pray to God for healing and forgiveness in my heart. This man crushed me. I’m 33 years old, and this is my first ever heartbreak. I don’t wish this upon my worst enemy. My mind tried to warn me and get me out of it, but this is where my heart took me.

    • Please can u tell me where do u live? I’m asking because I believe my bf of 11 years may have been the person who hurt u . I’m sorry u had been used for his sick games. Please help me .I’m in no way blaming u if I’m right. N think we should help each other.

  20. I’m so heart broken, even now. I’m sitting here, alone and crying with anxiety while my boyfriend is doing his own thing. I don’t even think he’s as upset as I am. We both agreed to give each other a week, but all my mind and heart and even stomach are doing are telling me to leave. I’ve been unhappy with my boyfriend for quite some time. He’s done things and said things that make me feel so stupid and belittled, no matter how good I have been to him. I care so much and love him so much but he doesn’t appreciate it like he used to in the beginning. I thought we would take things slow but it didn’t happen. Everything was so great, but red flags were popping up. For instance, he kept talking to the girls he dated and would pass it off as just being friends, and ending things on a good note with them. I stopped talking to my guy friends, exes and guys I dated out of respect for him and myself but he couldn’t do the same. I would fight him over that. It hurt a lot. I know I get jealous but its not right to date someone new, but still flirt with exes or strangers or even coworkers two weeks before my birthday. We kept trying to make this work. I stuck around, making up excuses for him but nothing ever got fixed. I was always blamed for everything no matter what, even if it was a joke. He kept putting me down, insulting me, my family and my lifestyle. He insulted what I enjoyed, and made me not want to touch it ever again. I don’t even like some clothes I wore around him because he told me it made me look fat or pregnant.. it hurt. I’m so close to leaving him. I’m giving us this week, not talking or anything. But I want to go back over to his place and grab my things and walk away fro the last time. It is possible to leave an abusive relationship. It hurts like hell and its going to hurt because I still love that stupid man, but you have to listen to yourself too.

  21. I don’t know where to start… I am 48 and live with my brother,dad,girlfriend and her 3 kids. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and she comes to me on Feb 2 . Tells me that she wants me to start seeing other people and having different relationship.. seems my brother told her over Christmas that he was in love with her and she wanted to explore and see if he is what she wanted but she don’t want me to move out.. I can’t now.. my dad has cancer and iam the only child able to take care of him.so before she told me all this..I quit my job thinking..OK I will take care of daddy and have more time with her…then she tells me this .. and 2weeks later my brother and her are a couple and I am living in the house having to watch them together on a daily thing….someone please help

    • Carla, I’m so sorry for your situation. That is seriously messed up. Straight to the point; your girlfriend or your brother do not respect you or themselves. You MUST put space between yourself and these destructive people. Move out, make sure you’re not there when they are – what ever you have to do, do not give them the time of day. And never speak to them again.

  22. I do accept as true with all of the ideas you’ve offered to your post.
    They’re really convincing and can certainly work. Still, the
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    from subsequent time? Thank you for the post.

  23. I’ve recently found your site after my first love decided to cheat on me, father a child, lie, disrespect and hurt me for the second time in my life. The first time was when I was 24 years old when he told me over the phone that our relationship wasn’t going to work. This was during the same time that my father fell ill and I didn’t have the coping skills to deal with the two most important men in my life not being there. I internalized all of my feelings and did things to hurt myself in the process. I made bad decisions and promised to get better by seeking therapy. Over time, I met someone new, got engaged and was on the path I had hoped to be on. Unfortunately as much as I loved this person, he had physical intimacy issues that plagued us for 6+ years of our 8 year relationship. During this time, I encouraged, asked him to seek therapy and stayed celibate until he was ready. The toll that this took on my self esteem wasn’t felt until I left the relationship 8 months before I was to get married. During the time I decided to leave, I reconnected with my first love again 11 years later and all the feelings came back as I’ve never forgotten about him or stopped loving him. It was during this time that he told me about him cheating and fathering a child but didn’t have the courage to tell me so he just disappeared after 3 years of dating. Over the years I had to learn to forgive him because I learned in therapy that it was holding me back and essentially I wanted to because we were both very young. We continued to correspond and that’s when I learned that he married the mother of his child but was going through a divorce. I was told she isn’t legal in the US and won’t sign divorce papers until she gets her citizenship. I was also told that his daughter was still scarred from their break-up and didn’t want a new “mother”. I believe all of this and his apology to me for what happened when we were younger. Months later, we started a romantic relationship and I finally felt that I was where I belonged. My heart and soul felt that they were back where they were the happiest. He found me desirable, sexy, beautiful and was vocal about his love and feelings for me for the last two years. I thought we were moving in the right direction but taking it slowly. I was never easy about him still being married on paper and was very vocal about it. Last week, he asks to come by as he needed to talk to me. I knew something was wrong but wasn’t prepared for what was to come. He told me that after he separated from his wife, he started to see another woman on and off for 10 years. They reconnected and he’s been seeing both of us at the same time. He also found out that day, that he has a 10 year old son. Finally, he said that didn’t love me and that our time together had “ran its course” when we were younger and that we were never meant to be together. He then proceeds to tell me that he still loves this other woman and wants to be in both her and their son’s life. It felt as if three semi-trucks hit me back to back. I started having a panic attack and could not breathe. I don’t remember much of what I said but I asked him to leave my home and never call/contact me. The icing on the cake was when he asked me to tell her if she called that we weren’t together. To lie to someone I didn’t even know to save him. I said no. Today, I’m still numb. I feel like I’m in a dream and that I’ll eventually wake up. I rotate from anger, hurt, frustration, love, disappointment, fear, and can’t sleep or eat. Please, no judgements. We all have our own story…this was mine.

  24. I fell in love with a friend of a family member. She ticked off every box for me. Her personality was incredible, she really had a heart of gold. She was a little on the fluffy side but that didnt mean a thing to me, she was beautiful in my eyes. The only blip on her was that she had 2 young kids from a previous relationship that didnt end well, but i got to know the kids and it became less of a problem as time went by. I was in the army when i met her – we would speak everyday on the phone and whenever i was on leave i would always be at her place visiting. Over time i developed feelings for her but didnt have the courage to express it to her. This went on for roughly 4 months up until i was honourably discharged from the army. I eventually built up enough courage to tell her how i felt, and she felt the same way and love blossomed at that point. I was in love with her, i wanted to hold her, treat her good, look after her. 3 weeks have past and At this point i was job hunting too. I made a dozens of job applications but was getting no responses. Jobs in this country are hard to comeby unfortunately, but i wanted to be patient and wait because of her. However things still look bleak and many think its best i go abroad to continue studies and build a career. She has encouraged me to do so but i dont feel ready to give her up. Last night we went on our first date without the kids. But deep inside we both knew it was pointless. We are both hurting – i dont know what to do. Her coming with me isnt an option according to her because of the kids. Just like the article says my mind says one thing but my heart wants another. Im lost guys i really am.

  25. I was with my man going on 13 years he just up n walk away for another woman I can’t think straight can’t stop crying can’t eat don’t even want to get out of bed I been with him since I was 16 he is the only life I know that I want .. my heart or brain is stuck on giving up .. I wish I could turn them both off..

  26. I just went through this website trying to cope with what i’ve been dealing with with my boyfriend of almost two years. I have the whole “shabang” going for me, the meeting the family, the visiting, the dates, whatever else..
    However, lately i’ve felt all the mind & heart feelings written above. I’m about lost for words. I’ve been trying to put my foot down lately to my boyfriend that I’m just not his priority. He has other things to do on his mind (not going to go into that) he’s never cheated on me or anything, but I don’t see him as much as I used to. I end up crying every night over him ignoring me, just not talking to me, or whatever else.. I care way too much for him, and the only reason I stay is that I hope it will end up possible. “Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~ Christopher Reeve (it’s at the bottom of this page).. I really don’t want to go further into my story other than the fact that I tell all my girlfriends how they shouldn’t take any garbage from a guy, yet I take all of it with mine. I’ve had sex with him, been with him, I feel fully commited to him, always texting or trying to be with him.. He just doesn’t exactly feel the same. He didn’t break up with me or anything, but he’s not as coommited.. he doesnt care like I do you know? I put my foot down and I told him I wasn’t bothering him anymore, hoping he’d come back with an apology so we can finally be together like I wanted, but so far all thats happened is me tearing up to websites like this and staring at my phone. I never stop crying and I just want to be happy again.

  27. Im 34 yrs old I was with my boyfriend of 10 years. I’ve known him since high school. Though I dated long term before. He’s the first person I grown to love more and more with time. I was hoping to have kids and get married one day. He broke up with me for 3 months before saying he didn’t want to get married before 4 years ago. He begged for me back and said he did see us together and said he would do anything to make it up to me. A couple days after New Year’s he decided to break up again. Saying he didn’t feel the same anymore and still doesn’t want to get married. I said we just been distance because I’ve been working 3 jobs because he had asked me to move in with him. (I had been working full/over time for a month straight.) He recently reunited with old friends and started doing cocaine them. I found out through several of his texts. He hung out with them New Years and, during the break up also claimed, he doesn’t have fun with me anymore. I can’t help to think it’s about he newly reunited friends and my dislike of people who use cocaine (which he never used before during our relationship). As well as a vindictive girl who does things dispite me just because I dated her husband in junior high.(There was pics of her and him all over social media from New Years). We never fight and we made love alot. He said he’s been feeling this way for a while dispite the fact he ask me to move in with him months ago. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
    Confused, lost and hurt.

  28. Im 34 yrs old I was with my boyfriend of 10 years. I’ve known him since high school. Though I dated long term before. He’s the first person I grown to love more and more with time. I was hoping to have kids and get married one day. He broke up with me for 3 months before saying he didn’t want to get married before 4 years ago. He begged for me back and said he did see us together and said he would do anything to make it up to me. A couple days after New Year’s he decided to break up again. Saying he didn’t feel the same anymore and still doesn’t want to get married. I said we just been distance because I’ve been working 3 jobs because he had asked me to move in with him. (I had been working full/over time for a month straight.) He recently reunited with old friends and started doing cocaine them. I found out through several of his texts. He hung out with them New Years and, during the break up also claimed, he doesn’t have fun with me anymore. I can’t help to think it’s about he newly reunited friends and my dislike of people who use cocaine. As well as a vindictive girl who does things dispite me just because I dated her husband in junior high.(There was pics of her and him all over social media from New Years). We never fight and we made love alot. He said he’s been feeling this way for a while dispite the fact he ask me to move in with him months ago. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
    Confused, lost and hurt.

  29. Please help to get out from brokenheart am so worried and don’t know what to do. I was with a lady just about 5months ago, during the xmas, she changed her mind to be with me and now my heart is broken and soo depress.

    • Raymond why are you depressed everything happens for a reason if she is yours she will come back if not you will meet someone way better just keep praying and believe

  30. Hi there. My name is Ryan and there is currently enough water in my eyes, along with that gnawing sickness from reeling due to relationship withdrawal. Let me State for the record that I am indeed an addict and I have experienced nearly every type of withdrawal. So I know what it feels like and that sick feeling of not having the person there mimics the symptoms almost identically. That said, it’s been four years since the break up. We were together six years. While it was rocky and full of plenty of turbulence, I loved/love this person. She is 10 years older than me. I found that eventually the age difference does come into play. The whole saying “age is just a number” is something I no longer agree with. I suppose that in the end I should feel better by now. And while I have periods of time where I feel completely over it, healthy and very aware of just how toxic it was, this person is just not fading and I still don’t feel fully put together again. I noticed this article due to the mention of the heart and mind conflicting. Because that is exactly the case here. I’m at a loss. Intellectually I understand everything going on. But apart from numbing myself I get very little relief. As you mentioned: completely temporary of course. I know I should face it head-on, but the thing is I have. Hence my being at a loss. When I see people talking about how they were only with someone for a matter of months it almost comes off as insulting. Like I said, together six years, apart for four. It just doesn’t make sense. I should also state that I have not so capable or even had much interest in another sexual relationship. Something her and I shared on a molecular level. I do feel like someone else would help. But I just don’t have it in me to find anyone. Sigh. I don’t know if I will get an email notification should I get a response. But I’m also not sure anyone can help me. This woman is not simply some “cougar” because the love was very real, mutually. We did however start as an affair. I supposed to statistically no one ends up living happily ever after with their “lover”. Still, the only thing that feels like it will provide relief is heroin in my veins or feeling her presence next to mine. I suppose my situation is slightly different than most. Especially given the fact I’ve come clean about being an addict. I would like to think that’s what it is, but I’ve never heard of 4 year withdrawal. And while I’m not sure anyone can help me, I am in fact at a loss and would happily except some nonjudgmental feedback. Good luck to all of us. Truly.

    • Ryan Brother,

      I understand your situation. I started dating a precious friend of 44 years last Christmas. It started so fast. We were together for 8 months until last August. She broke up and it has devastated me. She still wants to be friends and came back to me (for one day) after I did a 30 day no contact and got myself somewhat together and she had a good time and said I’ll see you soon. She has stood me up twice and will not honor her promises. I know she still has some feelings but will not allow me back into her life. It’s so hard because we meet as lovers last Christmas and it is now the Christmas season. I want to call her but feel like I need to go back into another 30 day no contact. I will always love her. (Eric Clapton had it right in the song “Lala”. Like a fool I fell in love with you, it’s only your foolish pride). I wish I had the strength to forget about her.

    • Hi, sorry to hear your story. I am in the same shoe as you are. I am ok and excepted for what it is. I am trying to find an answer why so many have to go through all this events. As I look back in my past I myself also had consequences for my action back then. When I decided to leave my ex with out thinking clearly if my action would hurt anyone. The moment I decided to leave her I already have consequences and I already writteny future

    • Hi, sorry to hear your story. I am in the same shoe as you are. I am ok and excepted for what it is. I am trying to find an answer why so many have to go through all this events. As I look back in my past I myself also had consequences for my action back then. When I decided to leave my ex with out thinking clearly if my action would hurt anyone. The moment I decided to leave her I already have consequences and I already written my future. So, your action have consequences. What you sow it will reap. So, be mindful. Walk a clear path with clear conscious before you decided to take action. Everyone in this world have to learn and go through this events or it will repeated til you learn from your mistake.

    • I feel the same right at this moment. I hate my life and myself for acting so desperate at times. I have loved, fell out of love, and love him again. For more than 4 years, though we were officially together for only 2 years. He just chose to let go of me and fall inlove with somebody else. What makes it more complicated is that he is my employee. I could have get over him already, but 10 months since he decided to love other girls, we still get attached with each other everytime we get close, or we get to be together, which is a lot of times. My heart just keep on hoping that may be someday he will finally realize how much he loves me still. But i found out he spent his christmas eve with his 8 months old girlfriend really broke my heart. As if the pain will kill me, or I wanted to die. I asked him to leave by that same day but he refused. Asking for 10 more days. But every minute of the pain just gets deeper, I just want him out of my life, never get to hear from him or see him. It is very very hard for me to let go of him as an employee because he knows everything about my business, and I trust him with the problems, and he can do a lot of things to lighten the job, and we started it together. I am thinking of drinking alcohol but I can’t stand the bitterness. I want to try to get high so I can’t feel the pain. I am praying that may God take this pain away already. We’ve been hurting each other for more than 2 years. I can only pray..

      • So sorry to here that miss. you actually are in a difficult situation. I have to say you must be really strong to stand that happening in front of you. If that was me, I could never do that. My bf just broke up with me last month. We were together for the past 4 years. Breakups hurt. I think he left an empty hole in your heart – a deep cut, maybe all you need is someone coming to fill it up, to replace the pain with love and care. I hope it will happen to you soon. You deserve a good man who is deep in love with you and willing to make you happy. Stay strong and positive! Tight hugs.

    • Four years is not that long or uncommon. I went out with a guy for 7 years and he cheated on me. I was devastated to say the least. Once a cheater always a cheater so I left him. I wanted to marry this guy and he broke my heart. I could not get out of bed, I did not feel joy in any of my activities. I felt like I could not go on without him. I thought about him all the time, morning noon and night. It took me almost 4 years to get over him, until the joy came back and the days were no longer grey. There is no time limit on this stuff. The heart heals at its own pace. Its now 20 years later and I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 13 years and we have two wonderful children. Things happen for a reason, and they don’t happen when and where we want them to but in the end things always work out for the best. Maybe you had to go through all this because the next girl is going to be “the one” and you needed to experience all that turbulence and pain so that you could be a better man for this new love that will someday come into your life. Stay strong- Do not pick up the heroin, I knew 3 people that did and now they are dead. You sound like a wonderful caring man, don’t let that go to waste. Good luck my friend…..

      • Thank you that was beautiful. I agree but in my case we were married for 20 years. I can’t believe it’s Gods will for a marriage to dissolve but I do agree through his grace alone a better beginning may come to be. Although this is still fresh and I don’t truly believe it’s for the best yet…I am trying too…

      • I really hope this is how my story turns out. I am completely broken, but I believe that God will get me through this. I believe someday I will see a better day. I thank you for your comment as it gives me hope.

    • Get rid of all your keepsakes or at least lock them away far out of site. Stop all contact with her. Write a letter letting her go. Love yourself harder and know that if you can love the wrong one this hard inagine how much more so you will love the right one. But you have to be free and ready for the right one and she will find you. Best of luck ☺

    • I had a similar situation except might only lasted for 4 months and 23 days. It was my very first relationship. I dated a person who was 4 years younger than me. I also believed the love was mutual and true. We made so many promises and planned things out. We decided to end it because of our parents and the age differences. Even though my heart kept saying i should continue on, my mind was always telling me this is wrong. I know for me, once i decide on something I will never look back. Even on our very last day and the break up, we tried our best to end it on a good note. We both cried that day, but who knows what the future will bring. If he wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t belong to me in the first place, he never will be no matter how much i try to fight it. Maybe it was destiny and fate that we would meet, but it also the same if we were not suppose to be together. This is what is helping me get over him. I hope it helps you too. I always tell myself if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t and i am meant for something better. I hope you heal okay and I can’t imagine how i would feel if i was in your shoes. I would probably feel the same way too. Take care of yourself.

    • Your mentioning of addiction really hit the nail on the head. Exactly how I would describe my relationship with “her.” Met her when I was 15, she was 17. Lied and told her I was 16 so she’d date me, so relationship began with a simple “untruth.” Dated her on and off for seven years, the “off” part because of geographic distance more than anything else. Could not get her out of my mind. Wake up in the morning and there she was in my thoughts. Went to bed dreaming of her.

      She treated me badly towards the end of the seven years and I didn’t handle it well and treated her badly in return. She married someone else. The rational me decided that I needed to forget her and move on. Did that. Met nice girl. Had much better relationship with her, both better suited for each other. Still couldn’t forget “her” but pushed her out of my mind.

      Nine years go by. She gets divorced. I’m happy with two kids but still can’t totally let go of “her.” Run in to her. We talk. She confesses her stupidity for letting me go, enchanting music to my ears and heart. Head starts swimming. Endorphins ganging up on me. Dopamine tearing my common sense out of my head. Began torrid three year affair with her. It’s everything I thought of and more.

      Only problem is, leaving family for “her” would be the most self-centered thing I could have ever done. Won’t leave them and can’t let go of “her.” Agony, every day. Sheer agony. Tearing me apart. The wrongness of it is incredible. How could something that was once so beautiful be so wrong? Driving me nuts. Negatively impacting my job, marriage and total life.

      Finally, with the powerful assistance of Almighty God to whom I prayed and prayed for a solution, I told her it had to end. And end it did, but in my mind I still harbored the thought thought that some day it would be the two of us.

      Story doesn’t end there. That’s when the really difficult time began. The leaving was the easy part compared to staying away, especially when she began to date someone else. Head pounding, heart racing, mind won’t let go. The thought of her with someone else more than I can stand. Hit rock bottom. All alone I start screaming out to God to help me, please help me!!

      I’d like to say that there was immediate relief, but that would be a lie. The relief came gradually, as rational thought edged out the endorphins. It’s as if God was making sure the lesson stuck with me by making the withdrawal so hard and prolonged. I absolutely know I won’t be going to hell because I’ve already been there.

      Now it’s been twenty seven years since I pulled away and she’s still in the back of my mind. Talk to her every now and then, but that’s it. We’re in our 60’s now and she’s still “the one.” But, time and prayers have worked wonders on my broken heart. I am finally free from the dopamine rush and see her more rationally.

      I have let go and let The Lord drive. It is truly the only thing that saved me. He has worked wonders on my very soul. Yes, if I were ever single again I would go straight to her but that will be because it is God’s will, not mine. Instead of focusing my life and efforts on what I want, I tried focusing on what I could do for others. In return, God has given me back my soul. I am so very thankful it brings me nearly to tears every time I think of it. There is hope for all of us if it was possible for me to pull out of that nosedive. Praise The Lord, truly, for He has saved me from the worst despair ever imaginable. It was the only path that helped.

    • I am just 2 months into the most excruciating heartbreak. I did not know pain could actually run as deeply as it feels and in places I didn’t even know it could settle in. It is as though pain is continuously running through my veins….and I am not sure if it is killing me. Please tell me I won’t hurt forever.

    • Hey Ryan – When I started reading your story, I could immediately relate. I was in a 9+ year relationship that I was hesitant to accept as “the real thing”. Eventually I fell in love with a young man who was in love with me almost from the very start and he was 18 years my junior. Age never mattered to him; I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. He came with a whole truckload of baggage and I loved him anyway. I believed i could love him through it. I was wrong. Fast forward, the last time I saw him was 3 yrs ago, he was leaving to go out of state to handle some of the “baggage”. After being gone for only a short time, he called to say he was coming home, business unfinished. I said no, he got mad and we continued on. Next i received a social media request from him and didn’t immediately . When I accept did look in to it, he’s got a “girlfriend” that I found out about in that way. DEVASTATED! Today, they got married. I cry everyday…still. 2 1/2 years later and I still cry and the pain is no less. Thanks for letting me share. Hope you heal.

  31. I was dating this girl for about a month but I liked this SOO MUCH. We were always together, always talk, laugh, have jokes, and we knew each other very good. And we were with a bunch of friends one night and she ignored me and we didn’t talk that night and our friends wanted us to talk and I told her how I felt and that I like her a lot and all she said was “I don’t know”. She talked to other friends on how she felt and said she kind of liked me and that I was her first real relationship and all that stuff. So the next day I texted her and told her to be completely honest and tell me how she feels and she said how she wants to break up cause she needs time to her self and that we can still talk and she won’t move on. I didn’t answer that and later that night I texted her saying I still like her and I’m always there for her no matter what. It’s been three weeks and I’ve been talking to her as a friend and it’s been terrible. Sometimes we have conversations and it’s like she still likes me and sometimes it’s not like that. I try to tell myself to move on but I just can’t. She’s always on my mind, I can’t stop thinking about her and o can’t stop thinking about all the good times we had and I just miss her a lot. I don’t know what to do…

  32. Hi Everyone…I’m going through a break up as well. …and everyone keeps saying “Time heals all wounds”….I began to really hate hearing that.
    I’ve battled depression for a long time…and now with the break up I’d started having panic attacks–especially after finding out how quickly after he ended things that he moved on to someone else.

    But it gets better. ..it’s not easy. ..it still hurts…but everyday it hurts a little less.

    The experience pushed me to seek God more….and I do realise many may not share Christian beliefs and that’s fine. ..but I just wanted to share with you all a book that’s been helping me in all of this. ..and is giving a whole new perspective.

    My birthday was recently and a gift I received was actually this book….from a friend who knew what was happening:

    “Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry” – ‘Why women lose when we give in’ by Lisa Bevere

    Below is the link via Amazon if you want the kindle version:


    It’s really helping. …I wish I had access to something like this years ago…

    Ps.147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds”.

    We are all beautifully and wonderfully made–there’s a purpose for each of our lives that no man–no woman–no one can take away.

    Your past does not determine your future.

    Your value is not determined by how anyone treats you. It’s their loss!

    Chose happiness. Chose joy. This painful experience will pass. And we will be stronger & wiser from it.

    We’ll get through it. ..maybe not today, but sooner than we think/ feel!

    Better days are coming!

  33. I just brokeup with my ex who was with me for only 7months. We stayed together and we spent everytime together, we had trips, we met each other family, we were so happy! Until one day he started to complain about my behaviour. He said i was so difficult, always accused him and so many other things. He then said he wanted to break up. I was shocked because as i knew we fought just like normal couple, we even barely fought over things. Its like once in a few weeks. He put all the blames on me. He made me believe its all my faults. One day we met his friend and his friend started to tell about him. He said my bf never had time to have a lunch with them, always seemed busy with you, and any other things. I mean he chose to! He was just at home playing game and he never said to me that his friends invite him somewhere. He was even just too lazy to go somewhere. Its not my fault! They blamed me over things that i didnt even know and my ex bf never told me about it. I cried not because i felt guilty but because i felt manipulated by my own bf. He never complained anything during our relationship but i know he kept it. He asked advise from his friend when he knew nothing about us. I know his friend didnt like me but pretended that he did. I sometimes found his friend message asking to go to pool party with girls and then next time he would say to me that me and my bf (ex now) were good couple and he wished us the best. He even admitted me that he used to ask my bf to find another girl just in case my bf bored of me. He knew nothing about the contributions i shared during my relationship with my ex.
    2 weeks ago my bf asked me have a break under “this friend” advice. We both agree that we would take this break as a time to ease the anger. We agreed that we wouldnt date/flirt/hookup with other guy/girl when we were on break. I then moved out from his place and stay with my friends. During the break time he chat me every single day and we even met. Just like normal couple, we held hands and kissed. I thought the break was the best idea eventho i got many negative comments from my friends. I knew he finally spent his time with his friends. I knew they went to club every weekend, they smoke weed almost every night, they literally did all the things single dudes do (except play with girls). After almost 2 weeks we were on break he said to me he felt frustrated. By that moment he was drinking. I tried to call him but he didnt wanna answer he just wanted to talk through chat. He said his company reduced his salary and cut 2 weeks from it. I asked him why he said because his work was not satisfying during this past weeks. He was devastated and frustrated as he just signed a contract at this company. He also talked me that he felt like shit because he couldnt pass the test from other company. He said he felt stupid because all the questions were easy but he couldnt answer them correctly. I gave my time to calm his down as he always talked to me when he had problems. I said i got your back and i even tried to contact my sister in case she knew any company who offers job. I literally did everything as i always did when we were still okay. I said to him to calm down and stop drinking. But h didnt want to listen. The next day i went to his house because we had plan to go to zoo. I sat in his bed and he laid his head and i smiled i said i will always be there for you. We hugged each other and he suddenly said please dont this to me. I noticed everytime we almost dissolved by the emotion he always pushed me away. Its like theres something inside his mind.
    After i came back from zoo i went to my friend’s place and she was checking her tinder at the moment. She suddenly shocked and asked me is this your bf? I was also shocked to see him in tinder. My friend asked me should i swipe right? I said yes. And they both matched. I straight up called him with my friend’s number. It was so noisy like in the club/bar. I asked him when did he use the tinder? He said few days ago i said its written your last seen was an hour ago. He just said wtf wtf wtf. I asked him to delete that app. He said yes. I ended the call and cried but my friend chat him on tinder said that hes a coward, he let his gf hang on break and play with this app. He then replied to my friend with alot of nasty stuffs. “Fuck you bitch! Why did you even swipe right to your friend’s bf profile? Me personally swiped right to you just to prove to my friends that you are a slut…..*many curse words*”. My friend tried to calm me down and said i was being too good in this relationship and its time to let it end. I tried to make up my mind and totally agreed with her. The next day i came to his house to get my stuffs. I was shocked when he opened the door he was with his friend smoking weed. He looked high and whole of the apartment was hazy. I packed my stuffs and once its done i asked him to come inside the bedroom talk to me. I asked “what are you doing on tinder?” he said “having fun”. I said “you have a gf do you even think about me when you are playing there?” He said “I had not have”. I step closer and i asked it again “what??” He said “i had gf. so now can you please take your stuffs and go?” I was so mad and cracked, my hands were shaking and my heart pounded so fast i couldnt control myself and i slapped his face. I took my stuffs and i said to him hes an asshole. I went down to the security and told them there are ppl smoking weed at (his floor). I went out from the apartment with very huge and heavy luggage. I tried to calm myself down so i smoked. I didnt know what happen to me. I cried without even noticing it. My hands were still shaking and the feelings hit me all at once.
    I couldnt believe someone i trusted, i loved could do that to me. I know its a lesson but its sad when i remember how we had so much plans together, to get married, to settle down in one country and be happy and it still brings me to tears when i know we end like this. I hate him so much now but i see him everytime i close my eyes. The worst part of broken heart is when i just wokeup. Especially when the nightmare woke me up. I stare side by side and hes not around. I miss the tighter hug i got when i wokeup in the midnight. I miss the kiss when i was sleeping. The goodnight. The taste of milk he made me every single night, the jokes, the smell, the greenish blue eyes, everything. I never knew we would be like this. Just a week before it happened we laid down in the jacuzzi of his house and he told me he was so happy to be with me and he loved me so much. Now it disappeared. Im still in pain eventho i know ill be alright. I still cant believe eventho i know this will reshape me to be better.


    • Í know how you feel im going through the same thing and this is so Painfull í cant undertand how somebody can changed so quickly after all the love and share it memories is been 4 weeks since we last talked she hasnt text or call me my guess is that she have somebody else the though of that HURT so much í cant eat sleep or concentrade all í do is think about her

    • Well I’m a total mess. I am a combat veteran and that seems to say enough…I can’t keep a relationship. I loved a guy for almost 20 yrs and tried to date others. To no avail most claim I’m demanding and to me I’m always lonely cause I need soooo much affection. Lately I have been trying to date after coming to terms with the 20yrs just isn’t happening. I found a literal squirrel eater tattooed head to toe total pot head he has horrible dude behavior and thinks it’s necessary to be a real man ugh and another guy who rediculously perfect does everything by a fairy tale and he’s a 40 yr old virgin and not exactly attractive. Wtf why can I just get it together. I do have high standards fine too high but I am always willing. I just don’t know why people just don’t do what seems awesome at the beginning of any relationship. That is what works! I think gods punishing me. I really am not a saint but for the love of god I don’t want any drugs in my life even if it’s in my bff life he is my extention. Unfortunately brain dead to compassion and affection. No ever wants or needs or stays as long as I do. And why must this perfect guy be a freakn virgin how the crap am I supposed to work with that being as I’m not attracted to him even though he’s so unreal perfect. I feel like a total nut and still too boy crazy. Such a waste of time really but my heart is empty and I’m so lonely even in a crowded room. I really wanted love and kids it’s just not happening like my punctuation lol anyways thank you for this site still hoping not sure why. Shold be done with the idea of love

      • Guess my last comment on here wasn’t enough. I’m just sitting here with the squirrel pothead bored and if I try to kiss him he doesn’t want it. I’m so lonely. I guess as all my ex say I bitch too much. I’m not sure what to do. How can sharing every feeling be so bad. No matter what happens I still feel for the wrong guy. I have no idea what guys want. Maybe I should fall in love with a real man not just a boy. Some how the things that were funny quirks are now offensive and insensitive

  34. Hi everyone,
    I can totally undersand how you are all feeling. My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me just one week ago and I feel like my world ended. We lived together and had a happy relationship. I never felt so much in love with someone like with him. He became my best friend, my family and I was always imagining a future together. He also told me that I am the first relationship which is really serious and really working and that he loves me so much.
    Not long ago I had to go away for 3 months but we still talked everyday and I even came home to visit every month. I felt really lonely that time and I know he had a great time. And I felt like he didnt really supported me. But I thought everything will be good again as soon as I am back. And first it was. We were both really happy but due to the fact that we both worked very different hours we didnt spend as much time together as before. I didn´t mind that because I just enjoyed every minute we did get to spend together. But again I could feel that he got more distant. Still I never expected anything to happen. I thought our love was strong and that we could get through rougher times. But then last week he broke up with me. He told me that he just feels like he has to be alone for now. That he can´t be in a relationship at this stage of his life and that he feels like I am to attached to him and that he can´t be my happiness. But he also told me that he still loves me so much. And he even cried in front of me and told me how incredebly hard this is for him. This just makes it sooo hard for me to understand. His friend told me that he didnt seem very happy. He moved out and lives in a hostel now until he finds something else. He feels lonely but he is convinced that he had to make this decision. He also blocked me on facebook. This just feels like he wants to delete me out of his life. Like he wants to ignore the last 1.5 years and that we were planning a future together. I just simply don´t understand!!! Why does he do that when he is clearly not happier now? When he still loves me? I still love him sooo much and I just feel like I want to wake up from a bad dream. I feel like I should just give him time and let him realize that he misses me and that it was all a big mistake. But my head tells me that that might never happen. That maybe we will never talk to each other again. This thought is terrifying for me. We used to talk every day for the last 1.5 years and now not seeing him and talking to him and knowing what he is doing for 1 week feels so horrible!
    But I also think I should not try to contact him anymore? When he broke up with me I already cried and begged so much so he knows how I feel. So I think running after him won´t make it better. Instead it will show him that he was right and that I am so dependant on him. But then again I am afraid that he will just forget me. Or think I moved on and that he did me a favour and I am better of without him. What do you think? I am just so confused!! I feel like I lost my best friend and that there could never be anyone with who I could feel so free and so much myself

    • I’m in the same situation as you but opposite. I broke up with my SO. I back at it now amd realize the mistake I have made. I wasn’t happy with work and we were just so relaxed with our relationship. We weren’t going out and being affectionate. I was depressed and lost. And I didn’t know what to do. I broke up with her. Then things escalated so quickly and in that week we are living 400 miles apart. I went 2 months afraid of talking to her cause I think I broke her heart which I did. And I regret it so much. Also that she might have moved on and found someone. I’m afraid to here that. But I finally got the courage to try to fix this. I realized that I don’t need to successful to be happy and that all that matters is being with the one you love. when you love someone that much it doesn’t matter where you are in life as long as you’re with that person. Succes an.d other things can come along together. So from a guys perspective I wish she had contacted me first. Was just afraid she would want to. Maybe she doesn’t. But Doesn’t mean I won’t try to fix it. And if she has moved in and doesn’t want to to then I’ll have to learn to move on. It will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. .

    • I know how you feel except I wasn’t with my girlfriend for 1.5 years. What my mom told me after my break up was “if you love something let it go, and if they love you to they will come back” after my mom said that to me I felt better but as time has passed she never came back and we don’t talk that much. I think you should just let him go and hang out with your friends and just have some time to your self and just not think about what all happened. I don’t know if that will work for you because it hasn’t worked for me but it worked for one of my good friends. Hope you start to feel better

    • Hanna we should talk! I also just broke up with my boyfriend of over a year, I could use a friend and I’m sure you could too 🙂
      my number is 916.798.1821

    • Hanna…I am exactly in the same situation. My boyfriend and I were supposed to celebrate our 2 year anniversary next FEB. We have been living together and had a life together. A few months ago he started working nights and I felt our relationship declining. Then 3 weeks ago it was like a bomb dropped on me. He wanted to be alone and he no longer loved me. What hurts me so much is that I put so much effort into making things work because he was in fact the best relationship I have ever had. I am slowly coming to learn that I deserve better than this and I don’t need a man that is not going to love me completely. Its so confusing because many times during our relationship he would tell me that our lives were close to perfect. I wish there were things I can change but sadly the best thing for us to do is live our lives.

  35. I have dated a married man for about 1 year and half. I always felt that he was just telling me things i wanted to hear never really meaning any of them. I fell for all of it like an idiot. Im 34 and married as well and he’s 55. He promised we would be together. He wasnt happy in his marriage from way before i came in the picture, or so he said. We were so close, would email and text constantly. He got a new job and i knew things would definitely change between us. We worked together, he was my boss. After he got this new job he changed. We stopped emailing like we used to. Sometimes he wouldnt even reply. I started feeling really stupid. If he didnt want to keep talking to me why wouldnt he say it. Everytime i brought the subject up he would give me some bs excuse. I tried to walk awa many times but always came back to him. I felt maybe i wasnt patient enough. Funny thing is he never really tried to stop me. When I asked him when we would be together he said wasnt sure, he didnt have a time frame and didnt have the answer. I was torn. I finally made the break two week ago. Im in pain. I miss him terribly. I asked him not to contact me anymore, there was no point in keeping in touch. I didnt hear back from him for one week. Then he sent me an email over the weekend telling me he had been in the hospital for 2 days n that his father in law had passed away. I felt terrible abt the fact tt he had been sick and of course the death in his family. I replied and I told him how sorry i was about the whole thing. Gave him my condolences. He replied told me he loved me and missed me. I really want to move on. Why does he do this? If he knows he diesnt want to be with me then why not let me move on. I am not going to email him anymore to ask how he’s feeling. But what should i say/do if he contacts me again? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

    • dear Momo, I am in the same situation as you are. I am 26 ,unhappily married. my husband abuse me mentally and physically. so i started an affair with another married man around 40. although he was around 40 he was handsome, tall and muscular . also he knew how to make up my mind when i am down and out. thats why i allow him to do whatever he wants me to do.

      but few weeks ago, he started changing. in the start of the relationship. he was following me passionately. but now he doesn’t even call me. i don’t know what happened..
      but when i asked him what is wrong with him..he replied me : you are clumsy. you get annoyed so easily :

      he was right.i am little bit clumsy.but i loved him in the bottom of my heart and i gave him everything i could give him..now he is ignoring me.

      once i tried o have a warm conversion about this situation with him, but he didn’t show me any interest.

      he may have a busy schedule, he may have problem with his family..but i also live a miserable life. he was my only hope left.

      now he is gone and i really don’t understand what to do..

      • Hi Sandaly….it just sucks to feel so sad and heart broken. After the last contact we had…i couldnt resist and I emailed him asking how he was doing. He replied like 6 hours later telling me tht he had had a set back due to the high dose of antibiotics he was taking. I asked if there was anything i could do, of course that question went un answered. He has his family to take care of him. A few days went by and i didnt hear from him. I emailed him again just checking on him. But he didnt reply at all. Then i got really upset and told him off. Basically, why do you crawl back into my life and act so stupid. The least he could have done was just told me how he was doing. Then he had the common courtesy to reply n say he had emailed me twice, which was bs (he has done this in the past) that only enraged me more because he was treating me like i had initiated contact with him to begin with and now he didnt want to talk to me!!! I really got fed up, cussed him out and told him how selfish he was. If he didnt want to be with me or take me seriously then dont bother with me. Let me move on. Its been a week and we havent talked since. I think this is really it this time. I feel it in my gut. And as much as i want to move on and forget about him, there is a small part of me tht still wants him to contact me….but what for? To hear the same lies….im over it. Well, at least i tell myself that. I just have a hard time believing that someone can just tell someone else that they love this person, make promises without the intension of keeping them and not care one bit about how much they can hurt them at tbe end.

        This is what im doing to be able to move on….i keep thinking about all the premises he made me and how he didnt mean any f it. I keep thinking abt all the lies and it makes me angre and it makes me question why i would want someone like that in my life! It helps…maybe you should try that. And get it in your head that he never really wanted you, because if your guy and mine really did want us in their lives then things would have turned out a lot differently! They would be with us, or at least would take steps to be with us. Im sorry you are going thru this as well. Its frustrating and painful.

      • Im sorry to say this but it sounds like hes bored of you now, and that maybe you were just a temporary thing for him? Men think differently, they talk a lot of promises but the words always mean nothing without action. From what you wrote, he sounds like he got what he wanted, a vulnerable woman who is troubled and he took advantage of your situation. Unfortunately it’s easier for men than women SOMETIMES. Dont bother chasing him anymore hes a waste of time snd space, as for your husband, its time to step up to the plate and walk out, seek help from family and friends and leave dont ever feel embarrassed about your situation.

    • Hi,
      I am reading your comments on this blog, because I found myself in situation which I thought it could be only in the worse nightmare…my story is similar like you described…in 2013 I thought I met a men of my life, we met at the conference and he started to write me…after few emails he told me that he is separated and have two kids, but that his marriage is over, his ex run away with another guy, but than she got cancer and he decided to help her for the sake of kids. So she moved in back in the house and he was staying with her sister. And that he desperately want to move on. This is the story he told me and after millions of emails we developed a long distance relationship , we travel around a lot and meet us in different places, I fell in love with him deeply and like never before. We got engaged. We were from different country and he wanted me to move to his country , so that I will be with him. He met my family, cousins , I didn’t met anyone of his family yet. After 8 months I moved from my country to him , he got us a place to live and he wanted to sort out his situation – proceed with divorce. I realised that his situation wasn’t sorted as he told me it was! After 2 months of our life together, he was informed by his ex that she got back her cancer. And at that time dreams just fall apart. After 6 months he decided to move back to his home to look after his kids . In the mean time he was promising me that he will sort out his situation and so on. I was a stranger in foreign country, came there with hope and enthusiasm that he is the love of my life and than this happened. I was totally down and started to get depressed (nobody there that I could tell my story – I couldn’t tell my parents , they thought he was divorced , so did I, that’s why I move from my country!) anyway that was in 2014. we also established business together. In early 2015 he was diagnosed with cancer. Now my life and dreams collapsed totally. I must tell that I don’t know if his ex was really ill and as well if he is really ill. I never saw any diagnosis, I believed him on word what he said. But lately I discover that he is lying to me , he was lying regarding several things also business and I caught hih. In November 2015 we wanted to move into different home together and that he will finally sort out his situation , but the day when he suppose to do that, he said he doesn’t want to be with me and he doesn’t want to sort out his situation and he wants to be with his kids . So now I am back home , heart broken. It’s is difficult also because we share business together… I wanted to share my story with you, if maybe somebody had similar experiences

  36. I have been with my girlfriend for 20 Mths I have known her for 20 years and whenever we were together there was always something there I don’t know if it was just lust and physical but always something. She had previously been in a relationship with a good friend of mine and who I know she loved deeply we had kissed on occasions since there split and I always told my mate as felt I had to even though I knew he had cheated on her (so did she) but felt it was the right thing to do at the time that was a lot of years ago none the less. Anyway I made contact again after breaking up with the mother of one of my children and after 8 mths of not being able to function or cope with anything other than doing what I needed to do for my 2 boys I was heart broken when I realised what a mistake I had made and learned so much from destroying that relationship anyway on to the knew partner as usual we got on great despite claiming to not really like each other at school etc but was always there despite how we both tried to claim it wasn’t we went out on a date finally and slept together and spent hours and hours on the phone although she tell me after the first night she did tell me she was in love with someone else at this point I said it’s fine and pretended to myself we were just having abit of fun etc to save myself any hurt I think she did sleep with the said person after we had slept together that inside really hurt although I never showed it (my bad I guess) I also done stuff that was in appropriate with another girl although never had sex with her anyway we finally both realised that it was each other we wanted and told the world it was difficult as ex partners played a big part with friends and family but we stuck with it and we’re happy and then it all started to go wrong she would do things that deeply hurt me ( going out with someone I knew she had slept with as was just a friend and I don’t think anything happens for one minute but the mentioned girl earlier was out of bounds for me although also a good friend that we confused for something else as she claimed had been the same for her I let this go although killed me every time inside only a few times but none the less hurt me and felt she had lost respect since then she has crushed my heart countless times and every time I go back because I love her I can’t think of any other reason other than that and she just keeps doing stuff that kills me inside now a year on the double standards are unbelievable but I can’t seem to stop it I sit time after time devasted while she seemingly doesn’t care but then seems to melt me inside until the next day/time she says she doesn’t know why she does it and I know how that feels as have bad jealousy issues myself and when I let my head run away with me do the same and ruin things but I have been counselling and am slowly learning trying to deal with my issues my head is telling me to go but my heart won’t let me I’m so sad and hurt but I still love her unconditionally and want to be happy again but am I just living on happy memories and an impossible dream

  37. I struggle with this now…we were married…have a young child…and allowed too many outside influences to dictate our lives, due to our culture. We were together for 3 years and married for one…during the last few months of our relationship we had been arguing and fighting constantly because he felt I didn’t know how to love him, and would constantly pick fights with me that put me in a shell. I didn’t know how to be intimate or talk to a person that I was once able to share everything with because of fear of arguing or fighting. It became overwhelming, especially in the presence of a baby. He grew up in a broken home, and we knew this is not what we wanted for our child, but as I sit here today, writing this, this is where we stand. His family doesn’t like me because anytime we had an issue, it would always be repeated back to his mother, as far as my parents, they love him despite his flaws and only wanted the best for us and for us to figure out our issues on our own because as my dad states, “Marriage is a long journey, and everyone’s path is different” …and truth be told, I know he is afraid of his mother, so deep down I know she is the driving force that has led to our demise. We could have worked out our differences and raise our child, but unfortunately, as I sit here and type this out…I am still dealing with the hurt. We separated almost two years ago and dissolved our marriage almost 9 months now. It’s hard! I know it’s good to cry, but when will the tears end? I can’t have a discussion with him without tears flowing…it’s just crazy. And I can’t say I won’t be in his presence because we do have a child, so he has to see him…there has got to be an easier way to deal with this.

  38. I can relate to these stories. The man I am in love with broke up with me in December 2014. We had been dating for 2 years. In January we were seeing eachother once a week because I had to leave my dog behind till I got situated. In February he got into a new relationship after a month and a half separation. I didn’t talk to him until March and that was one day and then once in April. This past week we have talked and seen eachother 3 times. I told him today I am done fighting but I think I need to continue to fight to try and get him back.

  39. My boyfriend of 4.5 years is saying he doesn’t think he is in-love with me anymore and may have never truly been in love with me. We have a dog and a life together. We are best friends. When he told me this he was crying uncontrollably and saying that he loved me more than any other person in the world, but just doesn’t feel that romance anymore and isn’t sure if he every truly did. This is very difficult for me to accept because I have felt REAL love from him so much over our relationship, as well as recently. I just don’t know what this means and part of me wants to run away but another part doesn’t want to walk away from this beautiful life that we have together. We have always talked about how happy we were and how excited we were for the future. We made so many plans and he frequently said “When we get married….”. This really just feels so out of the blue and I am so confused. I told him I wanted to fight for our relationship and that I would give him a few days space to think about what he wants. Now I have been away from 2 nights and we have still seen each other and spoken briefly but it just feels like my whole life is ending. We have moved around a lot together and if this is over there is no doubt that I will move out of the state. But that will be such a huge move and we would intend to share our dog. I just dont want to regret not trying harder. Everything in our relationship always seemed so perfect. I am trying to be mature and not overwhelm him and I think I am doing a good job, but then when I am alone or really anywhere it doesn’t take much for me to fall apart. We haven’t told most of our friends and family yet because of what a big deal it will be to everyone and we are just not ready to face it. People have said its still possible for us to fix this but it is all teetering on his willingness and I am so afraid of him just feeling more and more separate from me. I just want to go home.

    • Hi Blaire,

      I am in a similar situation with you. I dated my boyfriend for 2 years and he recently moved for an internship while I am still finishing up school. Though we were doing fine about a month later he told me his heart just isn’t in it anymore but that he still loves me and is in love with me. We are still trying right now but I feel like there is not manual for this. I figure trying would make me feel better, so that even if we break up I would have not regretted anything, but it’s hard. I can no longer be myself with him without feeling at every moment that every gesture, every kiss is him forcing himself to fall back in love with me. We had a great and beautiful relationship and it does feel like it came out of the blue. I was just wondering how you have been dealing with this issue and if you have any advice?

    • Hi Blaire, I’m in the exact situation as you are. 4,5 years relationship and him breaking down while telling me, future talk etc etc.

      Did you guys end up getting back together?

  40. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about a week ago, we were together almost 6 months. She was my first love, and we did almost everything together. We even planned to move in together after i came back from the army, and it would last one year. But one day I was invited to an LGBTQ party, it was really fun but i got kissed by a girl. And i freaked out, the next day I tried to contact my girlfriend but she was on a trip. And I spent the whole day crying, and i felt horrible. And when I finally told her, she ignored me. And I gave her some space, and she told me that it was ok, but that i should be drinking so much. And i didn’t, but after that she just changed. And we broke up 2 almost 3 months after the accident, and all I can think about is her, I dont want to seem crazy or desperate, but I want her back but I don’t know how she feels about it. And I want to ask her, but it seems like she broke up with me because she’s not in love with me anymore. But she said the day we broke up that it was that she had so much going on in her life, and she doesn’t have control over it anymore.
    I really don’t know what too do….

  41. Thanks for your words … it makes a lot of sense and describes what I am going through. My spouse and I love each other but have grown different … my heart and mind flip flop at times … both seeing hope and aching/hurt. I truly appreciate your comments about how positive words will get into the subconscious mind.

    Again, thanks.

  42. am reading your posts and am somehow learning.
    for my case i bumped into a high school mate.so we knew each other and he begged for a relationship which i gave in.i had an earlier crush on him and therefore was not hard getting us on move.am the hard to get girl but when i love it sinks in me and i do it whole heartedly.i never knew he was a cheat,a womanizer.so we were together for about five months.and he dumped me
    i know i love him so much,i care for him but he is busy with other girls.
    my problem is that at times,thoughts about him overrule me.
    please help me i need to get over him

  43. Hello this is my story.April last year on the 26 of it i was having a misunderstanding with.my
    husband which lead to divorce but with the help of nenennojie spell cast wish help me to get
    my husband back to my self if u are having the same problem please email nenennojiespellcast

  44. So many of us share this same theme…we’ve loved, we’ve settled for less than we desired or needed, and we kept hope alive in spite of all of the red flags waving.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 1/2 years and can relate to something in each persons’ posts. We love deeply, our mates are very clever at giving us just enough to keep our imagined feeling of a bond. Many of them will use whatever they may be angry at as an excuse for bad behaviour…they’ll be angry, yell at you, be unresponsive, disappear, be with another person, they’ll not talk to you for weeks…only to magically re-appear…saying that they need you. They do. They need your endless love to suck from because they are damaged, empty and unable to fully give themselves to anyone.

    I am on the long slow road to recovery. This is like an addiction but it is not really a reflection on our weakness as much as their ineptness. I will never know how much of the hurtful behaviour is intentional, and how much is just what one learns to do when they’ve been hurt…either way, it hurts us and the object of our affection is not able to relate to us as we need, with honesty and vulnerability and pureness.

  45. I am 22, with a guy that i met on facebook 3 years ago and after 2 years of “internet relationship” he flew out from the u.s. to meet me, not 2 months later he enrolled himself in my college and is now living here because he wants to be with me. Everything was perfect, we were so in love with each other, we couldnt get enough from each other. 9 months in, he still feels thay way, yet… i don’t. I cry myself to sleep everynight trying to figure out where my feelings went and how im the worst person in the world for not loving someone who’s sacrificed so much for me. He didnt hesistate in moving here and leaving his life behind to be here and i… just dont feel the same anymore…
    my mind says “leave, its not fair to him, he deserves to be equally loved!”
    My heart says: “dont go, theres still hope of feeling like you use to, he use to be your dream guy, a funny, loving, honest, loyal guy! Whats wrong with you?”

    Everyone tells me to break it off but i just cry and hope theres another way…

    Every time i look at him i wonder why i cant love him like i use to and try to fight back the tears.

    He’s like my best friend, the thought of losing him scares me to death but i feel miserable….

    What should i do?? :((

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