The Heart Break Calculator

Calculate break up recovery time

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(c) Heartbreak Formula:

Short relationships (3 MONTHS OR LESS)

A. Count the number of weeks that you knew the person before the relationship turned romantic, divide by 2

B. Count the number of weeks that you were romantically involved

C. Add-up A and B

D. Count the average number of days per week you saw him/her during the romance, and divide this number by 2

E. Multiply C and D – that’s how many weeks it will take to begin feeling normal

Example:  Lou met Barb.  After 4 weeks they started dating.  They dated for 8 weeks, seeing each other an average of 4 nights per week.  Then Barb left.   It will take Lou’s heart about 20 weeks (or just under 5 months) to recover.

Mid-length relationships (1 YEAR OR LESS)

A. Count the number of months that you were romantically involved

B. Count the average number of days per week you saw him/her during the romance, and divide this number by 2

C. Multiply A and B – that’s how many months it will take to begin feeling normal

Example:  Dave met Sandra.  They had a passionate romance for 8 months, seeing each other about 3 times per week.  Then Sandra left.   It will take Dave’s heart about 12 months (1 year) to recover.

Long relationships (1 YEAR OR MORE)

A. Estimate how happy you were (day to day) on a scale of 1 to 3

B. Estimate how physically attractive you found your mate on a scale of 1 to 3

C. Add up A and B – and then divide this number by 2– this will give you a number in years

D. Subtract one year from the total

Example:  Pete was happily married to Mary (he ranked his happiness a 2 out of 3.  He found Mary very attractive, a 3 out of 3.  Mary leaves.  Pete’s heart will take 1 ½ years to recover.

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313 thoughts on “The Heart Break Calculator

  1. ab –

    Its hard to give any advice when you don’t really explain very well why you guys are apart. Sounds like you love each other and had some sort of disconect regarding her family/religion? Sounds like she wants to marry you and you would marry her if you met her family two years ago? Makes no sense, what you are saying.

  2. I dated this girl for 5yrs. I met her family one time in that 5yrs which really bothered me, so this would be a source of a twice a year blow up on my part. I knew our relationship couldnt go to the next level, it was just kind of there. I told her many times that we had to change this to move forward. In the end she ended up breaking it off saying that she couldnt make me marry her/have kids. This drove me nuts, I told her had I met your family I would have married you 2yrs ago! We were very much in love, and I still love her very much and also think that she still loves me. I dont know what to do without her, she was a huge part of my life in every aspect. Her family is very religious and complicated hence the reason for not meeting them. We speak and I have left small things in her mailbox, sent some texts, and we have spoken both in person and on the phone. Each time I make that initial contact and dont want to just drive her away, but when I ask her do you want me to stop she says no? I really dont know what to do?? I truly miss her, I mean I am up at 3am on some broken heart website writing to strangers for advice!! Do I leave her alone and try to move on (even tough I see her 3-4 times a week and we have all mutual friends) or do I keep trying? Not like she says stop!

  3. I hope I get over him but i feel it will take longer then i realise because he is actually a good guy, he just feels differently which is not his fault. He is a great guy and I didnt appreciate him enough. I love so much that i ache all the time. I just pray that one day he will see we are actually are good together that after 9 years of being in a relationship since we were 16years old, it was bound to fall into a rut. We have never fought or argued, i use to complain or i might be angry with him but he never ever got angry back only listened and said sorry if it was him. No wonder i drove him away. I hope we both can get over this unbearable pain.

  4. Well, reading all of these comments maybe we should all get together and give each other a major pep talk. I hear myself in every comment and think I deserve so much better than him. Will I get over him? I want to say never but I know in time, I’ll look back and say what the *^%$. He wasn’t all that and a bag of chips. I know through the heartache and heartbreak I’ll get better, learn from this and maybe find someone who will appreciate it me for me, talk to me with respect and not be short or snappy. And when he says those three words, I love You, it’s going to be the truth. He really does. There’s a saying that goes “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” You can best believe that when all is healed and I’m ready for a new relationship, I won’t be fooled again. There has been once hell of a lesson learned.

  5. i so totally felt him, and on every level, but ended up simply misled. Its as if his words had no truth behind them. And when i questioned his reasons for liking me, or when i asked him to define what made him feel connected to me, I was treated as if I was being irrational for asking what I thought were simple clarifying questions. I was told that my questions were “turn offs” and that they made him rethink his liking me all together. I was able to deal with the overall separation, but I just cannot seem to deal with his harsh words in the very end. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.. man… Anyway, I have found that over the last several days, I have employed many of the same tools for healing as this site recommends, such as recounting the things for which I am grateful, immediately getting rid of all of his things, including text messages on my phone, and encouraging myself by telling myself how much of a gem I am (lol). It truly has made me feel better, but I still experience moments of sheer grief. Moments where I feel utterly stupid for acting irrationally, when I am not really confident I did. Moments where I feel as if I pushed him away with my questions — I sort of backed him into a corner — I didnt take this easily and sitting down… (lol) — I became a little aggressive, but intellectually. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, and I am sure that this will continue to dissipate as I continue to live for me. I am simply giving in to the pain — feeling it and not resisting it. I have been surprised at how quickly some of these moments can pass when I simply give in and allow myself to feel bad, cry, scream, run, or whatever it is I feel like doing naturally when the moment is present… While I am in no way thrilled to be going through this, I must say that this is the healthiest reaction to a breakup I have ever experienced. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all those who are experiencing the same thing I am tonight. Everyone keeps telling me he will call me again, that he will call soon — but I am not sure I want to hear from him. I almost just want him gone so I can heal and move on. I dont know if people say this as comfort, and if they do, how is that supposed to foster any growth or progress?

  6. I am in so much pain he was mybest friend he was my soulmate. I never loved like this.. We had 3 mis carriages and on our forth try we had his son our beautiful baby…He got scared and ran. I love our boy so much I say this I am devasted this has happen..May God bless me and my little one.

  7. i posted about a month ago. I broke it off with him. I thought I would die. I finally got over the hump and thought i could breath again,i was horrible depressed but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He got back a hold of me and we tried it for a week. I knew it was the same bullshit.. he was still talking to other woman. I caught him I lost it I had a horrble break down on saturday, I had been working 16 hours shifts to get over him…and i had some other issues. I lost it,,then we fought for days.. he started to ignore me and play his hiding games. I finally said enough is enough I iggied him.. yes it was a long distance computer realtionship but it still felt real/ I said I lloved him,,but all i wanted was him to be faithful to me bottom line,,the rest I give in.comprimise and he played his hiding and dragging me on torture. I said I love you and i hate to do this but you wont answer so I am iggying you. ok im a chicken shit. I would be glued to the computer waiting for him all the time. I went to counseling yesterday, took anixaiety pills .prayed,stayed busy.. It still hurts so bad.. How could i almost end my life over a man from the online world? He never would have even known. I do have some health issues and it not like most men would understand or want to be with me. I do feel a little better knowing i took control. I ended it .. I didnt wait all day or 2 days waiting for him to decided. I guess i do have some power and control in my life. Im going though extemsive counsiling right now to deal why i fell so hard. but im living minute to minute.. blessings and hugs and good vibs to all of you.

  8. Hi Gypsygirl,
    I wish you all the best in getting over this guy. I can only hope the same for me. I want to move on but somedays had no idea how.

  9. TO RIINA= SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HE IS BIPOLAR. Don’t blame him or yourself, if he is Bipolar there is nothing anyone could do. Unless he gets help, from a psychiatrist.

  10. My story has a strange twist. btw ( I’m in my thirties/ him 50) We met 4 years ago for the first 3 we broke up and got back together around 3 or 4 times. I truly love this man but I knew that our relationship would not go any further than where it was. Meaning we would never live together, we would never marry, we had no future. A year ago I finally got up the courage to say goodbye for good. It lasted for a year,then he started coming around again. Every time he would show up I got so excited, my heart would race, I could’nt stop smileing and I was happier than I had been in that whole year he was gone. I was engagued at the time but that ended partly because things were not good and partly because I never stopped loving him and he still loved me. I knew when we got back together, that this would not last, I was not fooling myself with false hope, but saying it in your head is always easier. Things were great at first, then he fell back into his old ways. He would promise call, and would’nt, he would say he was coming over and not show up or call. Sometimes we would go days without contact. I was’nt happy with things I tried to talk to him but he was too busy, I told him how I felt and told him to fix it or maybe we should’nt be together. He said “I’ll tell you what I’ll make a pro and con list and call you back” I know it’s over, what I did’nt expect was the pain for the first 2 days I cried so hard, I could’nt get out of bed the third I was numb, and now I can’t sleep or eat it feels like somone punched me in the stomach and there is a weight on my chest making it hard to breath. I never felt like this the other times we broke up, so why does it hurt so bad now? I don’t understand I prepared myself, so why am I so devistated?

  11. They said, “time will heal” I, too in the same situation as you. I live with my partner for over 6 years. Everyday of his life he told me how much he loves me, how lucky he is to have me and looking forward to growing old with me. One week to Thailand with his brother-in-law change all that. He came home a different person. He want out and told me he doesn’t want to be here, he doesn’t want this relationship, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t want any responsiblilties, be able to sleep in til 12 noon if he wants to and doesn’t want to having to get up and go to work. He took his tax refund and escape back to Thailand. He left me with alot of financial stress, having to sell property, getting renovation finish and approve by council and he justified his leaving because he is suffering from depression. He lasted 5 weeks in Thailand because he run out of money. He spend nearly 7 thousands in Australian dollars and suddenly his depression sets in due to lack of money. He didn’t come back home but ran off to Brisbane, couldn’t get work there and ended up in Melbourne. He is staying with his brother-in-law’s family and i believe he didn’t even pay his ex wife maintenance. How I thought i know this person for 6 years and I really don’t know him at all. How can someone so predictable and reliable by a flick of a switch become someone so evil. Everyday I struggle. I went thru 2 mental breakdown and he took the opportunity while the ambulance was there, pack his bag and left. I am getting 2 counselling session per week and i do believe I am getting stronger. The suicidal and “I can’t live with him” feeling is gone. Its not easy as I do miss him. After all we did have 6 wonderful years together and somehow without any explaination he changed. I know he is hiding and working in melbounre and saving his penny to be back in Thailand again. My heart is so broken down i cannot explain how i feel. Its the worst kind of feeling anyone could go through. The aches and emptiness. I am so sad and knowing that our plan future is no longer in sight. How can I be so wrong about someone. I thought he loves me. What really get me down is he play on the “Poor me, I am going through another depression” if that is the case, I hope everyday of his awaken life, the first thing and the last thing at night he sees my face and remembered what kind of mess he left me with. I am trying to be forgiving and forget. I do want to move on and forget about him. I have to put this down as a bad experience after all, I still have my children. So you hang in there for me.

  12. h0w c0uld Anyone feel after brEaking up wi sOmeone after 4 years..?, abs0lutely sh0uld huRt..but why ant i gEt this in my damn head?..dats it’s gonna take a while to heal?.. i am somewhere still mUch that th0se silly tears seem to have bEen surpressed deep inSide!!..h0w d0 i get this over with?..sh0uld i wait?..should i leave it in the hands of destiny?..or should i simply m0ve on??…
    am hEartbrOken..n i’s my time to rEjoice!!…=)

  13. Am I addicted to love. Feeling that rush of endorphines an incredible “high”. But with most addictions, it’s followed by the “crash”. 3 months now and it’s getting worse. I try to focus on something, anything. But that groove in my thinking brings it right back to seeing her face, her eyes. The love we shared. All of it!! Then the guilt for not being more tender, more understanding. Did I push her away? Or was it just a lie? Who was decieving who? Did I actually think this gorgeous creature wanted me in her life. I know I wanted her. My family and friends will say “What did you see in her”. Sure she was arrogant and demanding and egotistical and controlling and manipulative. She drove me crazy with frustration. Wanting to throw myself off the balcony to not listen to her torturing me anymore. But I miss her

  14. @miracle

    it’s ok to cry… remember, time heals all wounds!
    3 weeks ago, after our first break up, i was suicidal! i was crying my heart out. but 1 day i finally realized that i’m not that sad anymore. i’m finally ok.

    just remember this, while you’re miserable and depressed, your ex is probably partying somewhere and f*cking someone else and he cheated on you… you deserve someone better!

  15. @chewybubb

    I’m glad you have moved on. i guess there is something wrong with me, since the more we don’t talk nor see each other, the more i miss him. most of the time i end up crying myself to sleep because he doesn’t give a damn to my feelings. i don’t know why it is so hard for me to let go.

  16. @miracle

    i was reading all your comments here, and i realized that we were going through the same misery at the same time! we have identical problems it’s kinda ironic isn’t it? i hope we can both move on and forget those jerks that caused us pain. we don’t deserve them…
    we both have long distance relationship. i realized now that i can live without my ex because he was not always there in the first place, we’ve been a couple for 7 months(almost 215 days) but i only saw about 40 days in all. i was alone most of the time and our communication is through text, ym, none at all. i faced all my problems alone. when i needed him most, he’s not even there. i realized that even though you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you won’t feel alone. i feel much better now, when i was with him, he restricted almost everything. now i can do anything i want. i’m finally free…

    maybe it’s true… absence makes the heart go wander…

  17. @miracle

    i can relate to you too! that’s exactly how he treated me!!! especially the part where your ex said that “there is nothing to say”. we had long distance relationship too. we only see each other once a week. i found out that guys doesn’t want to talk because they hate drama, crying and stuff! damn men! how are we supposed to react when they treated you like crap but you love them still!

    i wrote that comment 2 days ago and after threatened me to expose all my secrets to my family. i realized that he’s really just the jerk that my friends warned me about. after all the nasty things that he told me, (btw, he blocked me from facebook and ym) the worst is, “i just want to have amnesia to forget everything about you, i don’t want you in my life and i should have been in a relationship with somebody else and not you.” I finally moved on!

    there are more to life than loving that person who doesn’t deserve you. this website helped me a lot, now i have goals in life! when i was with him, all my plans are centered to his needs and how to make things work. now, i have so many goals that i don’t know where to start. i’m better off without him. i heard that he and his ex gf who he had a child were a couple again. my friends told me that i can find someone better than me… this may seem superficial but THE BEST REVENGE IS TO BE BEAUTIFUL!

  18. chewybubb: I can relate to you, well somehow. There was a lot of things going on right now in my life, death of a family relative, my depression/anxiety disorder is coming back again, unemployment, let’s say my ex keeps me sane. And then he left, he slept around according to him because he wanted to keep his mind off of me because I’m away. (we had long distance relationship) Every time I tried to talk to him (not to annoy him but like I said he was my best friend), he would treat me like crap. He says he is busy but most of the time he would just ignore me totally. I asked him why he won’t talk and he said that its because there is nothing to say. It hurts. I think I am going insane not just because of him alone but…. This may sound bad but I want him to feel how I feel, I want him to miss me and feel how is it to live like something is missing. FML.

  19. Grasscutted

    The same thing happened to me… i mean your story like the way you described the girl and yourself reminded me of my relationship. After she dumped me because she realized that she was not ready for a relationship, three days later one of my “ex” friends decided to tell me that he was “hanging out” with her a lot and wanted to make sure it was ok with me.. Well needless to say i do not talk to them anymore. I am actually meeting my ex today so i can explain the reasons why i can’t be her friend or buddy, which for some reason she still does not understand. Finally if any of you have seen 500 Days of Summer… i am the guy in the movie. (Also i feel seeing that movie started the ball rolling on me getting dumped because the girl in that movie was exactly like my ex.) HA! It has been over a month now and i am doing a lot better thanks to my friends and family and i hope everyone else on here gets better soon!!

  20. I’m falling apart… i want him back but every time i try to contact him,he treated me like crap. he told me he just want to be single again… i didn’t even know what went wrong to our relationship.i guess he just found someone new…

  21. To be honest, I don’t believe in this calculator. I think it really depends on myself and what I do to distract myself. So everyone, we can do it. Have faith.

  22. It’s been 8 almost 9 weeks still getting worse and according to this damn calculator its gonna take me two years to recover. I won’t last that long……

  23. I sometimes think it’s probably the best and least hurtful thing to just not get into a relationship. If you don’t get with anyone, there’s no pressure and there’s no jealousy or guilt from either party if it doesn’t work out. The one problem is it’s the most rewarding thing possible for a human being, the feeling of being loved by a partner. The downside is if it goes wrong somehow, it’s the most damaging and mentally stressful thing to happen.

    Being a male myself a main factor in the hurt is just thinking about the ex with another guy, both enjoying themselves. There’s this sense of “I’m not good enough compared to that guy”, which plays off your primitive desire to be alpha male and just makes you feel rotten and like you need to do something about it, something overly masculine and impressive like save the world from alien invasion or cure world hunger. That’s how I do it anyway, typical 22 year old. For some people this doesn’t happen, they can’t bear being without the partner and just want to harass them back into their life, or pine indefinitely.

    But ultimately if we never get into these situations, no emotional pain will come of it. Of the girl I said about before, my mind is currently at relative ease after exploding at the dinner table and getting it all off my chest, I got in contact with her and even though she’s going through a rough time she has agreed to meet up in three weeks, since she has a lot going on in her life and needs time to get herself together. I hope I can show her how good I will be.

  24. Mr Grass –

    I posted my story back on here I think in August, and then had some follow ups if you want to check them out. I’m in my 40s now. I hear stories like yours and they always blow me away. I’ve never had that happen to me, have a girl go off w a friend or what have you. Probably just luck, since I’ve never really been in that dynamic to have that happen. Its something that you will probably be on guard for the rest of your life though, after this experience. I would say what happened in your case is similiar to what happens when a wife or gf leaves her man for someone she has been growing close to at work over a long period of time. There seems to be some dynamic when people can get to know each other as friends without any pressure or pretense to be more than friends, and things seem to grow slower yet deeper over time, like a crockpot. I’ve never had that situation, but always thought it would be cool (not at the expense of a friend of course, but to get to know someone slowly at work). I’m guessing that she would’ve eventually moved on from you and it is probably best that it happened now rather than later as you are very young, will heal, will get to know yourself better through this and decide how you want to grow from it. You may decide to get on the ball a little bit more to come across as more ambitious and aggressive or you may decide you like yourself just the way you are and you will make sure that the next time a girl comes along that she totally accepts you and your lifestyle before you give your heart to her. That will be your call which way you want to go. I can definitely tell you this – women will be much more attracted to a man if he has two or three things in his life that he is very passionate about, things that he will pursue whether she is in his life or not. And women definitely like a man who takes the lead, considers their opinions of what to do etc, but ultimately takes the lead. If you lose that dynamic and she starts taking the lead in things, you may as well start the break up clock because your relationship will come to an end as soon as she finds a stronger guy.

    I am a lot like you in that I am pretty laid back and am pretty content to spend the majority of time doing things together at home in a relatinship, with the occasional going out. I have come to realize that this just doesn’t fly, long term, with most women. I will need to put some more effort in my future relationship(s) to make sure ‘she’ doesn’t get bored. This sorta bugs me a little bit, that men are somehow responsible to keep women from getting bored in a relationship, but I’ve been doing a lot of reading about how to keep relationships together, and the #1 killer of relationships, and often marriage, is boredom, predictability and complacency. So, that is just the way it is.

    As far as do you forgive your friend and gf, that will be your call. If they didn’t cheat on you or go behind your back or lie, then that leaves the door open to remaining friends in the future after you heal. I could totally invision you getting a new gf, falling in love w her, and then go double dating with your ex and friend and joke around how it all went down. But that is down the road a bit, and again, it depends on how classy they were with the how they handled the circumstances. No break up is ever real clean. Its real rare that both want out equally. Usually one wants to stay more than the other and that creates the power shift that can be hard to move on from and get over in terms of becoming friends. But if they are both good people with good hearts, and handled things fairly well considering all the circumstances, then after some time goes by and you feel better, or you are dating again, you could man up, go to them and say ‘what you guys did in getting together so quickly hurt me for a while, but I value you both as friends and I want to wish you both the best, let by-gones be by-gones and open to the idea of being friends.’ I guarantee if you do this right and maintain your dignity and show strength, you will definitely have your ex’s respect which is all you can ask for after a break up from the other person. And you’ll have your friend back. It may just simply boil down to you forgiving them for their part of doing any wrong and being imperfect. You really show yourself as a class act if you can handle it and go that route.

  25. I have read through many stories on this website and come to realise that the majority of the stories posted are from the female community. I myself am a male and here is my story.

    My ex (21yo) and I (23yo) were seen as a really strong couple in our group of friends. There was this friend of mine (male) who had been there for my ex and I since we started our relationship. My relationship with my ex lasted for 18months. He has always been a closer friend with my ex than he has been of a friend to me. You can say they were considered to be ‘best friends’. I didn’t stop or intefere with the close relationship that they had because I trusted my ex and the friend.

    As all relationships starts, it was wonderful and magical. We were so in love. We did many things and accomplished many things together. Heck, we even travelled overseas together, all 3 of us. I was the first bf that travelled with her overseas, i felt very privleged. Her family loved me, everyone loved us. Everyone thought that we would be getting married pretty soon. We were very serious with each other, we were so close in getting a property together but we ran into financial problems and had to bail out. As our relationship progressed after the 1yr mark, we grew distant in the relationship. I guess at this point in time I was too confided in wanting to stay home and have nice couple nights at home. She on the hand is the very outgoing type of girl, she always organised outings and is always up for anything that happens.

    We grew distant and she got the taste of being single once again. She said when she was away from me during this period she could see that we were two different people. I was too laidback, carefree, not ambitious or a risk-taker, she is a go-getter, knows what she wants in life and she has a strong career ahead of her. I felt like I wasn’t able to provide her financially as she earns more than me. I felt ashamed of myself. I wanted to grow up and be more mature about life.

    I was made redundant at my previous job. She soon broke up with me because saying we are two different people and we have a personality clash. I was feeling very down about myself. I tried to hard to get her back, I change my state of mind and my attitude about life straight away. 1 week later I found out that she was seeing that friend of mine. I had an idea that they both secretly had a thing for each other. I’m lost as I still don’t know till this day if she left me for him or she left me and she just clung onto the next closest guy she could find.

    Today I do not talk to my friend or her. I don’t know whether I should forgive and forget or just ignore them both out of my life. All my friends do not agree with what they are doing and they all have tried to speak with them. My friends told them that they should give me time to at least get over her because everything happened so fast and 1 after another. They both replied that they can’t help how they feel for each other and they dont want to miss this opportunity. I am still suffering till this day. It has been nearly 7 weeks. I am coping well.

    Any feedback/

  26. I feel terrible now, it’s been 3 days since the person I was so sure was right for me just couldn’t come to trust me after I foolishly broke contact for almost a month. What makes it worse for me is during that time she was still in my mind, and I still feel exactly the same as before then. I think she has had bad experiences in the past and just can’t bring herself to trust me because she’s seen it before, I just can’t keep repeating myself that she is the one for me and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I’ve not been sleeping well at all and I just don’t feel hungry, I can’t find anything to do that will truly take my mind off the situation.

    She had asked for time and I was sure i’d be able to give it to her but it’s just so painful I can’t stop asking her and trying to get things back to how they used to be. It’s worse knowing that if i’d just stayed in contact with her we would be fine now, she wouldn’t feel that somehow I had betrayed her trust, I would be the happiest guy on the planet. I find myself now in the opposite situation, she means so much to me I can’t bring myself to think straight and I don’t know where she is about me.

    I am hoping and praying that if I give her time, and if she someday remembers where we once were, that she will give me one chance to show her just what she means to me. Until that day i’m afraid she’ll always be there, I just read these websites in an effort to forget about her to leave her alone for long enough for her to make up her mind.

  27. I have to live a year like this? I can wait since i already passed 3 months . And everyone above me, please be brave and don’t give up to pain. I am in pain and you are in pain .. We all have broken hearts and God knows no one feels pain as we do but it won’t last. It will get easier day by day *I hope* … It is my 3rd month now and I still feel it was yesterday. I actually avoided my friends yesterday on the mall because I didn’t want to tell them we broke the engagement . I was getting married by Nov 20th and we planned it small and romantic by the beach! I am a very romantic girl and I loved him not because he is the perfect man. I just loved him for who he was with all the things I didn’t like about him, I loved him by mind and heart and I chose to do that because I thought he will be my man. I can’t still spell it out and tell people, he left me *for unknown reason* unless it was by phone. I can’t face anyone because most people were envying me for my happiness and I truly was happy *I thought at least* ..
    I wish there is a way to erase my engagement and him out of my life. I almost jumped yesterday when I saw a guy with his physical features by my work place ! I thought it is him and I know I am tooooo stupid for that but yea, I always think he will come back because he didn’t even have a reason to leave. It is also hard because he is my first love, I never thought about love and I have my own believes about that. I wasn’t interested in dating for fun or falling in love at teenages. yea I had several crush but I wanted to have a one man who will own and live in my heart for my entire life. That is my believes so don’t laugh at it and respect it please. He was the first to enter my heart and I thought when I chose to be with him and to love him, I chose the right guy because I refused loving/dating anyone before until he came in my life. I am only 22 by the way and he was 28 .

  28. Can someone tell me the effective way to get over someone? I can’t do this anymore. I know he doesn’t give a damn to how I feel but it’s hard to accept it. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have been stuck for a while now and I just keep on coming back and getting stuck over and over again. I don’t seem to be moving forward at all. 🙁
    I’m depressed.

  29. Sometimes in life things happen for a reason. I have been in (3) different relationships. The first cheated on me with hookers and the babysitter then got teh babysitter pregnant and I still stayed. I stayed through all the beatings and all the lies. I finally left and thought I would never get through it. But I did. The second did teh same wasn’t as bad hardly drank loved my son. But then came the lies and the beatings. Soon after our son was born (1) week to be exact he beated up on me so bad because i was mad he came home at 3am in the morning. I left and come to find out there was another woman and she just gave birth to his new son also. After that break up I was crushed. However I changed from the first. This time I didn’t stay home. I went out as much as I could. Went dancing every weekend. I finally met my last and most recent break up. He was younger then me. But he seemed different. He soon moved in with me as he lost his job and the fights began. He felt he wasn’t good enough he constantly thought I was cheating when I was seriously just at work. Fights turned into violence and he hit me over and over again over stupid things that were not true. He constantly drank although he never would leave the house like my (2) ex’s before. Shortly after having our son I thought the fights would stop an dthey didn’t. they got worse he then kept threatning me he would leave. Last night he finally did. We got into our usual arguments over something stupid. I simply told him instead of staying home drinking and playing video games he could be outside trying to find another job. He went over packed up all of his stuff and left. Of course that was after he grabbed my throat and pushed me a few times. I am hurt and sad. I cried most of the night. I do love this man very much. He was my world. But then i realized my world that I so loved wasn’t real. We were not happy. My kids were not happy. I have to accept he left means he never truly loved me he was not willing to try and change. Sometime accepting the truth hurts more then anything. I am at work my heart is aching I wish I could just run away. But so is life. there will always be pain. this I have come use to. Pain. The thing that I am not use to is for the first time I want to accept the truth. Truth…..these men never loved me, they never appreciated me or respected me. Truth I have so much pain because I kept trying to make things better i kept thinking one day they would change. Truth I have such low self esteem that I let these men do horrible things to me over and over again just because I wanted to be loved. Truth I need to let go of the pain for once in my life. I think everyone on here has a story some worse then others. But I think the real question everyone should be asking is why do we have these stories why did we allow things to happen to get to where we are? That is where we all need to figure out and work on. I pray for peace in my soul to help deal with the anger and mixed feelings I have. I pray that everyone on here as well no matter what you story is or what you are going through that one day you to will have peace. Things could always be worse. We need to just move on and learn to live again. How and when this will happen no one can tell you only you can. Only I can….but for right now I am sad and will just have to deal with the pain like some many others………

  30. Ok so i broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about a month ago, i didnt see it coming (i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him), we were so happy and in love. I was absolutly devastated, he told me he wanted me gone forever. I spent everyday crying, my chest hurt and i couldnt get him out of my dreams. I was thinking that someday he would come back to me, and that i would never be able to find anyone like him again. But the past week, ive been feeling great, if he doesnt want to be with me ill find someone who does, someone who deserves me, i can do better than this. Iv had a complete change in state of mind, they say pain is weakness leaving the body right. You just have to learn to accept it, as stupid as it sounds, things happen for a reason, if it was meant to be it’ll find its way back, but in the meantime accept the present and focus on a different future. Finally some progress, 2 years my ass. I deliberatly didnt want to get over him to begin with because i was so in love, i grieved until i had no grief left, until i realised that i would not let him walk all over me like this, he doesnt deserve the satisfaction.

    It will be ok in the end, if its not ok, its not the end…

  31. You know when you give someone your heart… like completely. And they crush you, but you take them back.. over and over all the while you fear it’s never going to change…. and you know in your heart that there will be more times they will betray you and you will feel like a refrigerator just fell on your chest….. but you can’t decide if it hurts less to take them back or walk away?

  32. I think I will be able to do this. No, I will be able to move on. Ive been through breakups before, and just as they seem hopeless, i grow to get over them. This love calculator doesnt mean crap. In a few months of no contact you will be getting better and in a year I am 100% sure you will already of let go and moved on. I promise, if this doesnt happen then tell me im a horrible wrong person and email me at

  33. ugh… it might take me 2 years to end this… i hope it ends already :[ i just want to get away from here…

  34. oh well we started dating one year ago. oct 16, i remember it was 2 days before my birthday. then i heard that he was cheated on me, we talked and like we broke up.
    time went by and i tried to move one
    1st atepmt to move on[around christmas time] : i cheated on the guy i was dating with him. then idk how or why but we stoped talking.
    2nd atempt to move on[ by spring break] : i was dating a guy and i was talking to him at the same time, i broke up wtih the guy cus we were “gonna get back together, because its meant to be” [<- bullshit]. so i broke up with the guy and in the end the other guy went back with his gf.
    i was super depressed and sad that i over took some pills trying to sleep and like ihad to go to the hospital for a severe intoxication.
    3rd atempt to get over him [this summer] : i was single, but i really liked this guy and he liked me too, but there he was, the other one telling me that he loved me, and how he wanted to go back with me cus he thought we were meant to be and that we should be together adn get married [blah blah blah bullshit.] so i end everything up with the other guy and go back with him.
    i get in mayor trouble and my parents tell me that if i ever talk to him again they are gonna move me out of this high school.
    4th atempt to move on [around the begining of school]: im dating the guy from summer, everything is good and okay, but in the end i break up with him cus i think might have a chance with the other guy[i cheated on thsi guy with the other guy].
    w/e we talk, and i find out he has a gf.

    last week he broke up with her and like he comes back to me telling me that he really lvoes me and that he cant move on and all that.
    i believe him again so we are like kinda going out but not really.
    today morning i was like
    "hey babe how you been?" cus he was sick.
    and he tells me not to call him baby or babe or anything anymore cus he got back with his gf.
    i got super mad and pissed off and sad and i told him to fuck off.
    and now hes like
    "oh we can still be friends, cus i love you, but i love her too."
    so right now i was crying cus i fell for it again…

    [sorry im wayy to complicated.]

  35. Miracle:

    If you love something, set it free. If it’s meant to be, he’ll come back. If he doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

  36. He said goodbye to me 22 days ago. I refused to accept it, I hold on to the belief that he would come back. I waited. He told me he has a new gf, I refused to believe it because I still love him but last night I realized that he won’t come back anymore. Its either I try to move forward or be stuck in this haze forever. It still hurts. It still feels I can’t breathe. It hurts too much just thinking about him and thinking about the word “Goodbye” but I have to. Just writing these makes me want to break down right here right now. Tears are coming…. I said goodbye to him last night. I told him I want him to be happy. I need to let him go….I genuinely wants him happy but about the letting go part…I’m not ready….

  37. This is a comment for new life 09, it sounds like he has some big barriers up. But one thing I learned through my last relationship is….if the person you are with is not ready to commit to you then you have to cut them off completely. By doing this, for the first couple of weeks it is hard…and I mean very hard. But if he does love you and really wants to be with you, the only way he will know this for himself is if you cut him off. If he is truly in love with you, but the 3rd or 4th week…mark my words you will know. But if he is not and he is just wanting to see you to help with his own healing process while just holding you back with yours…it will just drag out for you and hurt you more and more and more. Its the best thing to do to get a clear answer and to save yourself lots of heartache.

    good luck!

  38. I met this man a few years ago. We started off as really good friends and things progressed. He and I are older, both divorced. I truly believe that no one could break thru this man’s emotions. I felt like we were progressing, yet all along he knew deep in his heart it would be over soon. The pain of the suddeness is so hard to describe. I cannot believe just how well the two of us got along and yet it had nothing to do with that at all. There was never an argument, never a fight – I am hurt and confused. I have to admit still seeing him on occasion and I know that is wrong of he and myself. The only way I’ll ever move on is if we stop completely but I cannot and apparently neither can he. I no longer want to create in my head what we could have, I need to be real about it.

  39. I failed myself again, last night I tried talking to him….AGAIN even though he is totally ignoring me….ugh…I miss him so much and he doesn’t even give a damn.

  40. I feel sadness and so much hurt, but I also know that there were so many reasons that I didn’t want to look at as to why we should not be together. I know that in time I will look back at him and feel a sense of relief that we didn’t work out, because it probably would not have worked out in the long run….and if we had stayed together and had children, like we spoke about then my little heart would have been way more crushed.
    I think the hardest part is trusting that everything will be okay, and life will be amazing again. Knowing that there is someone better suited out there for me…or whomever. I think the hardest part for me is knowing how I was not fair to myself and how I let someone treat me in a way that was disrespectful at times and abrupt, harsh and uncaring. What I am taking from this experience is it was meant to be a massive learning lesson. about what I truly want, what I don’t want and what my boundaries are…and how to communication is the most important part of any relationship, and cultivating communication skills is the key to having the type of relationship I hope to create with someone one day. Just wanted to share…..also…just a reminder to other people feeling hurt and going through it, don’t ever forget yourself worth. Only you can define it and self respect is truly one of the most important parts of feeling good about yourself and truly loving yourself. I think so often we are looking for parts of what is missing in ourselves in other people, and trying to complete ourselves with this other person. Its allot of expectations and at the end of the day…I realize that if I cannot find all the love and happiness within myself then I will never be able to find it in someone else.

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