I lost a husband, a son, a house, my job – my life, and I survived!

survivedabrokenheart

Type of Relationship: Marriage

Status: Over it & Thriving!!!

When I was 31, I fell unexpectedly and madly in love with him. It was a whirlwind romance and after 6 months he wanted me to move in with him. I resisted – it would have required me to change my whole life to suit his life. He had a young son from a previous marriage and was unable to move between us, so I had to do the moving. After 3 years, I finally moved in with him and his son, who was with us part-time.

I was devoted and in love. Although we had our issues, the sex was good and our life was on it’s way. About 6 years into the relationship, we decided to celebrate our commitment with a marriage-style commitment ceremony. We wrote our vows and I asked that he do only one thing for me – promise to tell me if he ever fell in love with someone else. I promised that if I ever had to let him go, I would do so with love. I just never thought it would actually happen.

One day, to my horror, I found out that he was corresponding with a 17-year old foreign girl he had met on a trip! I was devastated. He was 53 at the time. I was 42. I found emails where he told her to go to the consulate and get her papers to leave. There were notes of what they would name their children and all. I just couldn’t believe it. I finally confronted him and told him if he left to see her again that he would be doing so for good. He didn’t leave.

Days later I told him to go to her. I felt it was the only way to have the younger-woman spell broken. He got on a plane and left to be with her for 2 weeks. I was a mess. I didn’t eat or sleep and felt like my life was over.

He came home to explain that she was too young and only wanted his money. I thought, okay, he has seen the light. So we went on with our lives and planned a summer vacation, but things were rocky. I remember so clearly that one day after a hike to a beautiful lake, he asked me to take his picture. I grabbed the camera and looked at him and said “I’m not your girl am I?” He replied in a stark, honest moment, “No.”

I knew it was over. I walked behind him back to camp and felt about as lonely as one could ever feel.

Two days later I discovered another email where he told her he was coming soon to marry her. I confronted him and said, ” If you love her go”. He went home and I flew to a friend’s house in another state. The morning I left to fly away I stopped him and looked at him in the face and told him that “I always loved him and that he would never see me again.”

I never did. He flew to our home, packed his things, and flew to her and married her. I came home to a gutted house and a small check for rent and stuff. I thought I would die.

I was left with our home (that I paid for). Him and his son, whom I cared for for 8 years, were simply gone. I laid on the couch in tears for 2 solid months. I lost 30 pounds. I was devastated. I finally got myself up and got a job – I had to. But every day at lunch I would leave to go cry. There was no day or night I didn’t end up in tears. I finally had to sell the house. I was 42 years old. Honestly, I thought I would just die of grief.

What I have to say now is that I am over it! It’s behind me and has been for about a year. I cannot believe I can say this, but it’s true. He is still married to the girl and has a young son with her. I hear about them from folks I run into on occassion and I can say, “I hope he’s happy.”

I hope something came from the blowing up of our lives. I am well. I have moved, date a lot, look better than I ever did and have gotten on with it. So, if anyone thinks they won’t survive or that they are too old to get back out there I say STOP IT! It’s not true. I lost a husband, a son, a house, my job -my life, and I survived. I am not stronger than anyone else – it’s just that time got me out of it. I hope this helps you all see there is life after your ex – I promise. Just put one foot in front of the other every day. Just take one day at a time.

95 thoughts on “I lost a husband, a son, a house, my job – my life, and I survived!

  1. I don’t knw if I can get a help right now.
    My bf n I dated 1year n 2mnth we had bn living tgeda for almost 8month. He was loving caring n everything a generous guy. Just abt few Weeks ago everything changed due to our last fight which I broke few of this properties due to frustration and pain in my heart. He broke up with me did no communication rule for 2 days but didn’t work out now I’m bk to his awz I can’t touch him or go near him. Each time I ask if he still loves me I’d say don’t ask me stupid qstn. I’m heartbroken n sad I can’t eat or sleep or do anything missed lectures n I’m not mentally OK I cry everyday n everytime. I don’t knw what to do if he still loves me but he isn’t cheating on me I don’t just knw d sudden change. Pls help me

  2. Someone please help me! How do I move on and forget someone who has broken my heart into pieces?and how do I stopped regretting the time I have spend with him? How do I forgive my self for I was blind for almost two solid years and I did realize he was going to break my heart into pieces?

  3. You are a true inspiration. I have a broken heart and I want to know about your journey and how you got through it!

  4. I am trying to heal from a broken heart. I have read Mary’s advice about getting a new person and that the old love will fade away. I have been through many heartbreaks, and I agree with Mary, moving on means getting a new person. I have always done this and it has worked. The only thing is that you have to give yourself time to heal first and then move on, you will be surprised that there are better men out there, but in a different way. Never compare your new man with your ex, that will ruin the relationship and you will live your life looking for another him.
    I have cried over this, and I know it will take almost two weeks for the tears to dry, but after the pain is gone, I will walk out of my grieve and look out for the sun again. We only have one life to live, so I cannot afford months and years of grieving, he is out there enjoying life with someone else and that means I should do the same.
    Avoid the thought of ever watching him suffer because he left you. The truth is, most probably, he will end up getting a better person than you. I have experience this with my ex, so never wish for the worst for anyone, it will always be a blessing to them. Avoid as much as possible getting information about him and how he is progressing, you will always get hurt. STOP wishing he will come back begging for forgiveness…even if he does, your relationship will never be the same and he will hurt you again.
    Cry a river if you have to, but build a bridge and get over it. Engage in your hobbies, go out with friends, tell someone how you are feeling and with time, the pain will fade away. Yes, I am in pain right now, but I know time will heal the wound and I will be happy again….with someone else.

  5. I was in a May-December kind of relationship and lasted for 6yrs and 2months, only to realize that it wont work bec im the only one hurting. He had other girls though i know we are still together. I was so blind about it. Little do i know that he was dating my friend as well. I was hurt, but now hoping to be ok. Life has its own meaning, and i need to find my meaning. This story inspires me to love myself more.

  6. I’ve never been to a site like this and it’s heartbreaking reading these posts. I’m 22 years old about to be 23, i was dating this guy, 27 for only 4 months. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I know i’ve been upset over a breakup before but nothing in my life has ever hurt me as bad as this, not even the loss of a loved one. My friends are here for me but i know i’m miserable to be around. I never stop crying, i can barely make it at work. I was planning On spending the rest of my life with him. I’m sitting around praying he changes his mind even though he told me he’s no longer in live with me. I’m just sitting around waiting on that phone call or text. I feel this will never pass. I don’t have a clue of what to do. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. I’ve never been in so much pain. So confused how one day someone can be so crazy in love with you and the next they don’t care at all. How can people be so mean and heartless?

    • I know this was years ago but can you please tell me how you got over this ? You probably don’t even visit this site anymore but it’s worth a try because I’m devastated now behind a breakup and I just need some advice.

  7. I needed to read this. I am devasted over a break up. I have a handicapped son that I adore and a sweet daughter in college. I met the guy of my dreams, he had it all. He was good looking, a few years younger than me, Im 45, he will be 42 soon and had a great job. He had a Harley which I loved to ride,everything about it reeked…my future, my new home, my love that would never leave…but I didnt trust him. Things started happening, girls showing up at my house, YOUNG ones, phone calls he would ignore, aggressive behavior toward me, bragging about all his ‘toys’ and who he had dated that wanted him…we broke up and within days he was with some Harley girl with a tattoo huge on her arm with a skeleton shooting a gun. It was crazy! I couldnt believe it. I was nothing like her, Im gentle, a teacher, a mother, a nurturer, kind, a Christian..I just was floored. My heart broken, smashed into…I had given him a place to live while he got his new house in order (in a fancy subdivision) and Im just sick. Recently he came back and said he wanted me, but she was still in the picture. He couldnt break free from her and her gang, he said they would come after him. I just ended it…it is time to break free…I have got to move on for what is best for me and my son.

  8. I just wanted to thank everyone so much for sharing they’re moving stories. It has been so inspirational to know that I am not alone in my grief. A broken heart truly is the worst feeling imaginable both mentally and physically but I now have hope and some really sound advice to help me breathe through this.

  9. The pain I am feeling is insignificant to the many broken heart stories I have read. It is a mere blip but I feel I must share it for me to move on. Many years ago I came across a web portal in search of some late night music. As I browsed the website I noticed a photo gallery which I began browsing. I came across this one picture of a group of girls. There was one girl that caught my attention and I found myself looking at her and daydreaming. This website was not a dating website and there was no way I could contact her. I just had a name and the country she lived in. In truth I was fascinated by her as she was from the same ethnic background as me living in a different country. One would say I am crazy to see a picture for the first time and have that reaction but I was young and stupid so I saved the picture and emailed it to myself. For the next few years I would occasionally look at the picture, mostly when I was feeling low but as the years went by a looked at the picture less and less and at various times I tried to search for her (Google, Facebook) with no luck. Then at some point in time I realised I had no right to have her picture and with no means of contacting her I deleted the image from my inbox. Fast forward a few more years with many failed relationships, one night I received an email notification from a dating website that I had registered to, someone had expressed an interest in me. At the time I was feeling low as a few days before I was in communication with another member who very suddenly vanished. With nothing to lose and feeling a sense of emptiness I opened the email. I remember almost jumping out of my bed when I looked at the profile. I looked at the picture, the members name and location and by god would you believe it, is was her. The emotions that ran through my body was an absolute feeling of disbelieve; what was the chances of me ever meeting her? The next few days was almost magical, we messaged and spoke on Skype every day for hours. Eventually I told her about me seeing her picture many years ago and she was in shock and in a weird way it connected us. For the next few weeks she would send me pictures of herself and what she was doing and I would do the same. Things were great and I almost feel teary just writing this. Unfortunately we began talking about things that were of a serious nature to early in the relationship and she began to feel as though we might have a culture clash and our personalities might be very different. I tried to reassure her but I could feel there was something wrong. A week later I went to see her. I booked a flight and stayed a night. During the afternoon we went out and it seemed we connected, we later went back to my hotel room and discussed what would happen next and we both agreed that we wanted to continue. The next few hours we became very intimate but did not have sex. We slept together in my bed past midnight until it was time for her to go home. When I look back at that night it feels almost surreal. I had her in my arms for one night and I will never have her again. When I got back home we talked and I realised she still had doubts about our different personalities. She told me on paper I was perfect for her. I was charming and attractive and she could not find a fault with me yet there was something missing. I tried my very best to reason with her and reassure her that she needed to spend more time with me. I told her I would visit again and stay a month so we can get to know each other better. In desperation I tried a book a flight so we could discuss the issue in person. In any case, nothing I said had any effect on her and now it is over. From all the relationships I have had, never have I been so committed in wanting to make it work. I truly believed she was the one for me. Every day I ask myself from all the people in the world, why it had to be her that sent me an interest on that dating site. I think that’s what hurts the most. I feel as though I was given something special with a purpose and now it has been taken from me and it all seems so random. Was there something to be learnt? A hidden message? If so, right now I have failed to identify it. Perhaps later in life I will appreciate the uniqueness of the situation and feel happy that I finally got to meet her. Please accept my sincere apology if this story was too long to read, I just wanted to be detailed so that I can begin to move on.

  10. Pull Me Out – by ME
    I feel my heart breaking in my sleep and when I toss and turn to search for your hand to pull me out of my pain I awake with tears to find I’m no longer there beside you
    A dreaded dream I’ve feared so long has me walking through a forest wrong
    Every tree I touch
    Am I safe?
    Split at my feet reminded waif
    I’m waiting for your voice, a sign, some light
    To no avail it lingers…
    Night
    How long it will be to come to terms
    this isn’t a dream
    my heart
    it yearns

  11. It’s been over a year since I first posted on this site. I felt compelled to come back with an update because I cannot believe how I felt in my original posts. I have done a complete turn-around! I am so incredibly happy now, and my loser ex barely crosses my mind at all. In fact, I had all but forgotten him until I saw a recent media story about this homeless alcoholic named Ted Williams. My loser ugly deadbeat ex looks EXACTLY like him & he even talks like him!

    Let’s see, where to begin. To sum it up, I am a smart, funny and attractive woman in her early 30s. I survived a childhood filled with harsh abuse and neglect. My mother is a psycho just like Mo’Nique’s character in the movie Precious, and my father is a cold-hearted womanizing bastard who was barely around. Thanks to my less than ideal upbringing, I was always attracted to loser men who mistreated me. I have a university degree, I work hard, and I am an honest loyal person yet I always had total deadbeat losers for boyfriends. The last straw was the giant piece of garbage I dated on and off for three years. He is the one I posted about originally. This man (a child really) is now nearly 40 years old. He is a raging alcoholic deadbeat with no driver’s license, lousy credit, a drug habit, and other atrocious qualities. I dumped his fugly ass so many times but he somehow managed to manipulate me back into his life. Then in August 2009 I unfortunately became pregnant with his child. It wasn’t planned at all, trust me! I ended up losing the baby, which was a blessing in disguise. This man abused me and would have surely abused his child. But the trauma of losing a child must have caused me to go a little wacko and become attached to this rat bastard! He suddenly broke up with me for no apparent reason. I later found out he had a new woman. I don’t know why but I was devastated! I even contemplated suicide. I do not understand why I even gave this piece of shit man the time of day. I decided to get therapy. Wow, did it ever work wonders. I knew that I needed help because here I was, a nice sweet girl dating a total prick who wasn’t even worthy of anyone half as good as me! The therapist and my subsequent counseling sessions made it all clear. You go with what you know. What I had known was abuse. I never knew true love. I may have had a lot of self-confidence, but I had low self-esteem. My counseling helped me overcome those issues. I became a whole new person. Yes, it sounds corny but it is true. I went from a cesspool to a 5-star resort. I finally have the man that I deserve! He and I were friends for a long time. He never tried to take advantage of me. He was always very sweet and respectful. We have now been together for 11 months! I am happier than Charlie Sheen at a whorehouse! My new man is a dream come true, but I let it happen. I finally mustered up the courage to allow a good man into my life instead of an abusive bag of shit like my loser ex! The ex tried to contact me multiple times and I simply deleted his messages. Last I heard, he was fired from his dead-end minimum wage job! He can’t get a good job because of his poor credit and criminal record. He left me once he realised that I would NEVER be the sugar mama that he wanted. I NEVER gave him money! I never paid for him or was his slave. He wanted that, and he hoped that one day I would start supporting him. Ha! Now he is even more miserable than he ever was. He will NEVER come close to getting a nice lady like me and he has to face that every pathetic day of his miserable, shitty life!

    Meanwhile, I am ecstatic! I wake up every day next to a beautiful younger man (he’s in his mid-twenties! Take that beeyotch to my loser ex) and I go to work at my rewarding career. I had the best birthday ever this year because I was surrounded by loved ones. If you love yourself, you will never allow others to mistreat you. I can’t believe how happy I am now. If I could get hypnosis to erase all memories of my ex, I would. I shudder at the thought of even meeting him!

    I hope everyone else is doing as well as I am. Karma sure is a bitch! I don’t like to wish bad on anyone, but my ex and losers like him are getting their comeuppance! Awww life is good! God Bless you all!

  12. My girlfriend broke it off with me 2 months ago. Said she will never find someone like me. And that she’s never loved anyone as much as me and probably never will again. She betrayed me and saw someone behind my back for 2 weeks. Didn’t work out so she found another guy who she is currently with. She managed to move on so quickly, I was devastated. I get to the point where I feel like i’m over it, but my insomnia is giving me pure hell, especially at work. I go to sleep, then wake up 3hrs later, 4 if I’m lucky. And this is every single night! I refuse to take sleeping pills or drugs of any kind. Physically I’m a tough son of a gun but mentally I am exhausted. I don’t know how much longer i can take this. And my work is quite physical. Once my sleeping improves and I can sleep fully without waking up with thoughts of her, I will be free…

  13. Pam: no matter what happens life goes on, i felt your pain, i really did. My grandmother always told me ” what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I will leave you with these few words ” you don’t need a man to make you happy, only you can make your self happy”. Try looking for the little things in life. That something that always made you smile and you will get by just fine.

  14. Wow! Reading all this has been therapy to say the least. I have gone through much of the same hell as most of these people who have posted their stories on this website. Here are some of the things that came into my life all within a year. First, a high point–I got my degree in English after working on that for about 7 years (lol) doing it while raising 3 boys and working as a substitute teacher and being a wife (age 45). I went to work teaching high school English and doing the alternative certification thing. Then a lot of “things” started to happen:

    1) I caught my husband of 28 years doing the online porn thing.

    2) I listened to him tell me that he “didn’t know what he wanted, felt like a failure, his boys didn’t love him, and his penis was too small” (lol-yep that’s what he said).

    3) I found accounts that I didn’t know existed (some of which he had opened in my name and was having the bills sent to his office).

    4) Everything we owned was in my name–house, cars, furniture, cell phones, student loans (for myself and my 2 oldest sons).

    5) His cell phone was always hidden. I investigated to discover that he was talking to a woman 3-4 times a day who was having marriage problems. The two of them (with no degree in psychology or medicine) had me diagnosed as Bipolar…In fact, neither of them had an education beyond high school. LOL

    6) My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, suffered terribly, and died as I watched and couldn’t help with her much because I was in my first year of teaching and doing the ATCP.

    7) My little dog of 14 years had to be put down…(was deaf and blind).

    8) My oldest son who had been in Baylor University graduated and married. I saved for the wedding expenses, but was told by my husband that I was “hording” money.

    9) I was diagnosed with diabetis.

    Those are a few of the “things” that came into my life within a year. I lost weight. I agonized over what to do. Finally, I left with nothing but my clothes and bathroom items and filed for a divorce. I stayed with a fellow teacher for 9 months who offered me a place to stay. This whole time my ex is stalking me and berating me, telling me I was sick and needed mental healthcare.

    The divorce was finally finalized Dec. 21, 2009. My sons don’t call or check on me. They are actually very angry with me. The more I try to see them, the more they push away from me. My parents are both dead. I don’t have a great barage of friends–was too busy with school, work, raising family, doing household chores, etc. I have felt VERY alone and empty. It’s very difficult to get motivated to do anything. My life was my marriage, my kids, my house, my family. EVERYTHING has changed and I don’t have any direction and can’t seem to get motivated.

    An old boyfriend from high school found me on facebook and we reconnected. Problem was he was married but wanting to leave her. He did leave her and moved in with a male buddy. He would drive 5 hours each weekend to be with me and leave at 3:00 am on Monday mornings to be to work on time. We had a great time during those weekends. He told me he loved me, I was “that girl,” he would never lose me again, and that it was me and him against the world . When school was out, I drove 5 hours to be with him. But, it wasn’t very long before I begin to sense something was missing in our relationship, and I knew it. Mid July, he was fired/laid off from his job. He came back to our hometown and moved in with me. I began to feel like I was taking care of him and his needs while my needs didn’t seem to be important to him. I discussed it with him, but he still couldn’t find it within him to pay attention to my needs and desires. It was as though we were, not lovers and friends, but friends with benefits (his benefits mostly, if you know what I mean)! IT WAS ALL SO WRONG, AND I KNEW IT!

    I asked him to leave, but kept seeing him at first. Finally, I told him I could not go on in the relationship. It was over. I expected him to beg, plead, be heartbroken. Ha–no such thing.

    I have suffered a lot!!!! I have obsessed over what I did wrong, how to stop this cycle of being attracted to poisonous men, how to be alone, how to find meaning for my life again, how to be happy without being in a romantic relationship while still desiring a man in my life, how to get motivated to go on with my life without making the same mistakes again. I AM AFRAID I WILL MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVER IF I DON’T FIND HAPPINESS OURSIDE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN, but can’t get myself motivated to do anything.

    Perhaps this is just part of the healing process. I know I suffered from my share of unexpected and devestating “things.” But GOD! When am I going to feel better? How do I find that zest for life without a partner, with my kids not talking to me, with lots of financial burdons? At 50, I should be on top of the world right now.

  15. glad you stopped crying -19 months on i am still devased but dont show it to the outside world. nothing consoles my grief after 25yrs and 60. I was always loving so it wasnt sex it was his self esteem and the need to be free although he had his freedom always,maybe just the responsibility of being comited.Time heals is acliche and so untrueevery day its just a deeper depth of pain.I even have no peace asleep i dream of him costantly.of all those people who seem to have got over loss their are as many as me that grieve behind closed doors.

  16. Can I get advise from a womans view? I love this person with all my heart! She is the first person in 42 years that I have ever truly wanted to marry and love and live with for the rest of my life. I work with her and met her as she was going through a divorce and knew I was making a mistake being that she needed time to get over her ended marriage but she assured me she loved him no more. It has been a hellish 3 1/2 years for both of us. Her friends and family never gave me a chance from day one and I guess I took it out on her. After soooooo many fights breakups and makeups, I have lost her for the last time in Dec. In beginning of Feb. She met another. I have talked to her few times since then since she had a surgery that has kept her out of work since Jan. The few times we have talked she says he wants to move forward but she cannot because she cannot get me out of her mind. She says she thinks about me day and night and even when she is with him. she will not come home to me because she feels she cannot survive another breakup with me. I have stayed away for 6 months shaking off the past problems and working on my mind and what problems I had with her so the next time we try it will be the last time and it will be forever. But now she is with another. She comes back to work soon and we are both terrified of seeing each other. She gave up on me. How do I give up on her. I want to lose hope already so I can move on too. Thanks!

  17. He doesnt want to be with me anymore.
    been together 2 years, no room for reconciliation…
    worst part is,. .. Im to blame….
    I texted an ex… and he found the correspondence..
    I dont deserv him, i deserve to be alone, i dont deserve his forgiveness… i feel horrible for the pain ive caused…
    its my fault …
    i was too careless to appreciate what i had, i jeapordized a good thing for something meaningless..
    i cant forgive myself…dont know how…

  18. After reading all these stories, one doesn’t feel as alone. My relationship ended one week ago now, and I totally understand others feelings when they say they’ve gone ‘half mad’ (i tried o.d.ing the night he broke it off with me) and just the incredible amounts of anger and jealousy.. just raging… It hurts so bad knowing that he left me for his ex. When I wake up in the morning, I cry. No longer do i have any of those “good morning beautiful” texts i get when he goes to work in the early early morning. I struggle to get up, out of the house to college. Check cell phone repeatedly for any texts from him.. i know he won’t. He doesn’t care anymore. I get home from school, alone to a house and cry.

  19. Don’t mention it Miranda. You have my thoughts and caring and prayers too. I pray for everyone on this site. It is the one true, powerful thing I can do. Luv.xx

  20. thankyou again, Mary. i know he would do it again: it was part of what made me crazy since i ‘forgave’ him: every single time his phone went i wondered who it was this time. i just don’t understand how somebody can switch their feelings off so abruptly. it has made me feel worthless.

    but you’re right: i shall go home to the people who love me and regroup there. I shall try and be strong. it is the only way.

    thankyou for giving me your time.

  21. Dear Miranda, The first clue as to the true character of this man was when he started going with you, and telling you he loved you, while he was still with another woman. If he would leave her for you, he will leave you for another. This is my motto because I have never once seen it fail. It is true. I know it hurts but it will hurt a lot more if you go back with him, ever again. He will do it again and again no matter how much he swears he won’t. The man just has no morals, he is selfish and thinks only of himself. You should do your best to get home to your family where you will be loved and cared for and where you will probably meet the real Mr. Right. God Bless

  22. thankyou mary. i’m just finding it so hard to believe that he’s finally found the strength to walk away from me without looking back, when if he had done that from his ex girlfriend then none of this would have happened. i am hurting so much, and so angry, and so incredulous, and not sure where to turn. and i am very far from my friends and family, too. which makes his behaviour even more heartless. and i miss him, and i miss us, and i miss how he made me feel. and i know that i will never see him again, and i don’t know how i can let myself trust anyone again.

  23. Dear Miranda, Sadly there is no magic cure for the terrible wound you are suffering from right now. The best advice I can give to you at this stage of your grief is firstly to pray. Ask God to heal you, not to send this guy back to you. Just pray for healing. Then, try very hard to control your thoughts. I know how very, very difficult this can be, but when you think about him and the wonderful things you had together, force yourself to think of something else, anything else. Thirdly, get out and around friends. Don’t cry alone. You said you feel as if you are going to lose it, well if you feed this monster of grief you have in you right now, you actually might. So try to be strong for your own sake and the sake of those who love you. God Bless you, this is just the first of many steps, but reading the stories of the others on this site, and the great advice the site itself gives, will get you on the right track. I will be praying for you.

  24. My relationship ended last night, but it has been making me ill and miserable for a year now. We met when he was with a girl, and fell in love, and he told me he was not in love with her but that he cared for her and needed to leave her in the most painless way possible. I moved 10,000 miles across the world to be with him, and he said he had left her. Then she found out about us, ‘went nuts’ and they ended up sleeping together and seeing each other again. I only found this out because he asked for ‘space’ and then – two months later – told me, after making love to me, that he had been seeing her too. I loved him so much I tried to forgive him, but I couldn’t, and the stress of it – of loving him, and not knowing if he loved her, or me, or either of us – and the stress of his guilt on him made our relationship unbearable. When we were happy, it was perfect, but when i wasn’t with him the angst and the fear and the insecurity would eat me up, and i would fall apart.
    I encouraged him to start taking antidepressents about a month ago, and last night he ended it. He says he doesn’t want to see me anymore; That he now has the strength to walk away from me. And he doesn’t feel anything. He says that it’s probably the medication, making him numb, but all I know is that I am an utter mess: I am on the other side of the world to my family, on my own, broken hearted (he was my first love and i am nearly 30), and blaming myself for driving him away by never really forgiving him for his infidelity. And what really, really kills me is knowing that he feels nothing.
    It’s the first heartbreak I’ve ever had, and I have not behaved the way I thought I would. I feel like I have gone half mad. I know it only ended properly yesterday, but I spent all night tonight crying and begging him to see me: to which he repeated no, and to go to sleep or ring a friend. I thought he was the one, I have been through so much to be with him, and so much pain, and so much heartbreak already, and now I feel like it was all for nothing: he doesn’t even feel pain at losing me. He says he is relieved now that he doesn’t have to put up with my insecurity and neediness (I was never insecure or needy until he got back with his ex and didn’t tell me for 3 months).

    I don’t know what to do. I am desperate: I cannot eat – i have lost nearly two stones in the last month and a half – I cannot sleep (it’s 3am), I cannot function. I cry all the time. I am utterly lost. I gave up everything for him, and now I am blaming myself for allowing myself to be put in this position.

    I need somebody to help me.

  25. i understand what you all going thru, i’m also broken hearted by someone… i’m taking it 1 day at a time and in time i hope i would be happy and see to the future. i hope all of us find that peace in our heart to forgive and forget for the things that someone done to us….
    Cheers to all of you…..

  26. Well I’ve been thinking back over my life, and because I am so old now I have had a few experiences with a broken heart. Yes, the real broken heart takes so very long to heal, but as I was thinking about it, I only really began to heal when I met someone new. That is the truth. I don’t think everyone is like that, but I know I am and maybe you are too.

    As I became more and more interested in that someone new, the old love faded into the background and eventually I looked back and wondered why in the world I spent so much time and energy crying over him. Standing back I could see he most certainly was not the one for me, although at the time, when I was still in grief, I thought he was the most perfect man for me and I would never again meet someone as good as him. The truth is, I met someone much better. That was my husband and if he had not died, we would still be happy together. We were for 21 years.

    Thank God you are still young enough to find someone new and go for it. Go to places, and join organizations where you might meet someone. Don’t be desperate, but just be open to possibilities and also be more careful about their character this time. good luck

  27. How does one get over a broken relationship if everytime your thoughts are centered around him, it has gone to the extent that it affects my work and concentration. I know he didnt treat me right since i ended up the relationship in Dec 09 and have never seen him since then but am unable to move on. I tell my friends am no longer interested in him when deep down i want to know how he’s doing, if he’s ok, am so confused right now really want to know what I can do to forget him and just move on.

  28. Key-B I know your pain is real, but I wonder if perhaps you were only re-directing all the love you have inside you for your first failed relationship, into this second one. I know you are in pain, and perhaps seeing a counsellor would help, because you have these two layers to deal with.
    I also fell in love with my ex on first sight, but since then I have come to realize I couldn’t have loved him then because I didn’t know him. I only loved the way he looked, smiled, talked, dressed, smelled, and treated me. It wasn’t the real him, it was his introduction mask. That is infatuation, and although in later years it did turn into true love for me, it never did for him, obviously, as he never stopped looking at other women or cheating and lying.
    I think this number two love might have been infaturated with you and you with her. But I’ve heard there are people who just flit from one person to another to get that high you feel when you first fall for someone. As soon as it starts to wear off, they’re gone. Perhaps she was one of these.
    I am not a psychologist, and I don’t know the answers, but I do know trying to step back and look at it as if you are looking at a friend’s relationship that failed sometimes helps. What advice would you give your friend?
    I know if a girlfriend came to me and told me the tale of woe I have lived myself with my ex, I would tell her to keep on walking away, as far away as possible from this liar, cheater and cruel man and to guard her heart from falling for another like him. Now all I have to do is take my own advice, LOL.

  29. Just at the thresholds of recovery from failed a realtionship i found this beautiful young lady. It was love at first sight she loved me much i did or i thought so. It was so romantic, a dream come true, a jackpot of all times and i almost thanked God for the past failed relationship but hey! things took a dose dive. Just three months after we started she suddenly lost interest in the relationship, the reason is someone has simple ’stolen’ her heart. She tells me i am everything that this guy is not and she cant find one single reason why she fell in love with him. But the reality is that she loves him and wants us to end ours. The fact is i gave her complete access to my heart, i gave her more than she ever asked for and i think she ever deserved. Beyond loving her, i trusted her, i exalted her and i adhored her. Now I have been hit to the core, so hard, badly bruised and devastated, i go to bed thinking about her, i see her in my dreams, i wake up with her in my mind, she enganges my attention all day. Cant concentrate at work, can sleep nor even eat well. She has taken over my whole, just cant get her off my mind as hard as i try. This is really eating me up. Can somebody help me?

  30. Just at the thresholds of recovery from failed realtionship i found this beautiful young lady. It was love at first sight she loved me much i did or i thought so. It was so romantic, a dream come true, a jackpot of all times and i almost thanked God for the past failed relationship but hey! things took a dose dive. Just three months after we started she suddenly lost interest in the relationship, the reason is someone has simple ‘stolen’ her heart. She tells me i am everything that the is not and she can find one single reason why she fell in love with him. But the reality is that she loves him and wants us to end ours. The fact is i gave her complete access to my heart, i gave her more than she ever asked for and i think she ever deserved. Beyond loving her, i trusted her, i exalted her and i adhored her. Now I have been hit to the core, so hard, badly bruised and devastated, i go to bed thinking about her, i see her in my dreams, i wake up with her in my mind, she enganges my attention all day. Cant concentrate at work, can sleep nor even eat well. She has taken over my whole, just cant get her off my mind as hard as i try. This is really eating me up. Can somebody help me?

  31. I have been remembering a story that is helping me to actively and agressively think about something else other than my ex. Thinking about him every waking moment and then dreaming about him at night is torment. I finally realized, by remembering this story, that I am in control. Let me share it with you.

    An old Indian man was talking to his young grandson. “There are two wolves inside every man, a good one and an evil one. They are fighting all the time, tearing each other to pieces until only one remains,” the old man said.

    “And so which one wins?” the little boy asked.

    “The one you feed” was the answer.

    I have decided to consciously stop feeding the memories of the past. Going over and over the love and the good times in my mind until I cry and feel sick to my stomach. I actively force myself to think of other things even though my brain still wants to revisit the past like being drawn by a magnet. I am the only one who can fight this. I must do it, and so must you.

    I will know I am healed when I come to the day when he would come crying back to me (as he has in the past) but this time I know I will say, “NO! No more! I may still love you, and yearn for the past, but I know you are poison to me and I will not make that same mistake again. I have a new life to live.”

    Every day I inch toward that point. It is now my goal, my hope, my future reality.

    God bless each and every one of you. I feel we are somehow related by our pain.

  32. Why am I still so sad?? I still cry before bed and cry when I wake up. It’s been 4 months. I’m sad all day every day. I miss my friendship with him so much. He claims to want to be friends, but really he doesn’t give a shit. I’m haunted, and I feel completely insignificant and undesirable. It meant a lot to me, and it meant next to nothing to him, and that’s humiliating. I wish I could go away, disappear forever. I can’t believe how unrelenting this is. I want time to stop. Just stop.

  33. I was having one of my crying fits after viewing my ex’s pic on facebook with my enemy. We were together 6 years and he left me and I found out later he was with her and her son. I loved him through it all and forgave every hurt he ever visited on me. Never once did I say no to him and I accept that I was a part of why we ended but I thought that he would forgive as I had forgiven him but I was wrong. I failed I went to him when I found out he had someone else not who but that there was another woman he held me, kissed me, told me he loved me but couldn’t do that to her! I was devastated and to add insult to injury he texted me saying things like “just sending this to remind you that you are missed” that was the last text I changed my number. I have dated but when I start to like someone it ends even before it even getting started. I pray to God to heal me and to take this burden but the pain is so deep. What to do but keep waking up and hope it will be better. I look forward to getting some help here.

  34. the content and all share story in “healmybrokenheart” is very precious, i am grateful and thankful, those stories makes my mind open wide, and i think i can find a way to make my self stronger than before after wht happened

  35. Oh Monnie, I have been through exactly the same thing. I still cry but not as much but the skin around my eyes is so sensitive it burns when I do. I tried something that seems to have helped me and I want to share it with you.

    I met my man on Match.com six years ago. So I made up this profile of the real man, who he really is, for example, “I cheat. I will cheat on you at any and every opportunity but if you catch me I will tell you that there is something wrong with you and you need a doctor. Then I will tell you I cannot live like this with someone who doesn’t trust me and I will leave you, all within one hour, after six years of union.”

    Or…”I lie. I will lie about just about anything so you really will never find out who I am. Nobody knows who I am because if they did thay would hate me as much as I hate myself”

    I think you get the idea.

    Also I realized if he had really posted a profile that was true, I never would have even gone out with him.

    Next, I prayed to God to heal me. I gave my ex to God to do with him what he will and pray that someday God will send a good man to me to love and be loved by. I believe in God and I also believe that He is always answering our prayers even if we cannot see the results right now.

    God bless you and may He heal you quickly.

  36. That’s the first time I’ve used my real name. I’m not ashamed anymore! Maybe I’m not going to die of a heartache after all. But I did think it was possible after all those lonely nights of balling hysterically. Endless, painful tears. They burned as they left my bloodshot eyes & left a trail of sorrow down my sunken cheeks. How pathetic I sound! I’m still not over my soon to be ex-husband. We had too many problems from the very beginning to this very moment. I think my heart has given up. It must be a survival thing because I’d literally die of pain if my body could not adjust. Every single day is a depressing struggle for me & I’m sure it’ll be a struggle for years to come. Wish there was a magical. Is there? Just joking 🙂

  37. my hudband left me he was my best friend and everything else i could talk to him about anything and now he with a younger woman 36 and I have to move on before this kills me

  38. Thanks for what you have all shared. I am two weeks past the breakup where my ex ended it. It was a rocky 5 years which inlcuded his reaching out to an ex for intimate friendship (no sex with her) after two years with me then fully cheating on me last year. I shouldve let him go after the first betrayal but didn’t. After I found out about the last betrayal I still held on but have not been able to cope. After a big fight he broke it off with me and is already involved with yet another woman. I am devistated, cry all the time, and can’t believe that I am so easily replaced. I feel like it’s my fault in some ways because I didn’t deal with my feelings around the first betrayal. My behavior, words and actions only pushed him farther away. My insane mind still has hope he will realize I am the one and be willing to work out the core issues that led to the first and second betrayals. I know we both contributed to the relationship problems. I have no control over him and now that he’s distracted by a new love interest I think my ideas are fantasy. I am grieving the loss of my best friend and feeling sorrowful for my part in this relationship’s demise. I look forward to the healing process this website will offer.

  39. Its really hurt…til now i cry a lot as am in broken heart…i can’t eat, talk am not happy i wish this could be a night mare..I real Love him so…

  40. Christmas Day it will be 100 days since he left. I have cried for hundreds of hours, literally, put more wrinkles on my old face and now have what appear to be permanent dark blue circles under my eyes. Today is the first day I have not cried. The reason? As well as crying, I have been praying, and praying and praying. And today things just looked different to me. I realize he wants arm candy rather than a woman who loves him deeply and would do anything for him. I was arm candy six years ago and he loved it. But now he has a younger one and from what I hear he is looking for yet another. I realize there is no fool like an old fool. He might be tall and handsome and have money, but he is also over 60 and still acting like a teenager. I realized I really don’t want him anymore. Even if he came back I really don’t want him because I know he will only do it again. Good luck to all of you. Realize the piece of crap you are finally free of so you can now go out and find the real thing. And this time ask God what He thinks of the guy before you fall in love. Have a great Christmas everyone. God Bless

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